HopesandDreams Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Okay, so I am really new to this dating thing and could really use some advice. I have dated in the past but always got placed in the friend zone and I have only had one long term relationship. Other than that I have zero experience. I am quite shy and can be a bit nervous around guys in general but I'm trying to date more now and get back out there. I am in hopes of eventually finding something meaningful and long lasting but for now I am open to dating just to see what's out there and gain some experience along the way. I met this really interesting guy online a few days ago who now wants to meet up with me. We have talked about sex, not all the time but a good bit of the time. I'm okay with that just as long as that isn't what he's all about. I made it very clear to him in the beginning that if he is looking for just a "hook up" and nothing more then he should keep on looking. He stated he doesn't just "hook up" and that he does like me and would like to get to know me more. The thing is he asked me how many dates I usually go on before having sex. I asked him the same and he said usually 3-5 but it all depends. He also stated that he wouldn't mind being intimate with me now......probably due to our talks. Maybe I'm a bit naive here or just been out of the loop for too long but is this a normal question for a guy to ask who is interested in you? I think this is one of the main reasons why he wants to meet up but said he wouldn't push me into anything I wasn't comfortable with. I have no problem being intimate with him but suggested that maybe we meet for a casual date first to see how things go and take it from there. He seemed okay with this idea and said that's cool, whatever you are comfortable with. My question is this...is he just wanting sex and only sex? Or could this turn into something more? Is this a bad idea? He seems to be a very nice guy and someone I would want to get to know more. We have a lot in common and just seem to connect really well. I just don't want to hook up with him if that is all it's going to end up being. Do guys normally want to be intimate this early? Like I said I'm very new to this. I am finding that I'm already starting to fall for him which is probably a bad thing I know. I could very well end up getting hurt. I know I discussed what I'm looking for in the beginning with him but not sure if he just told me what I wanted to hear just so he could get into my pants? Any advice would be greatly appreciated! Thanks
Isolde Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 My personal instinct would be to stay away from this guy. He's online and you just don't know what you're getting.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Internet dating isn't a good option if you're looking for more personal intimacy over ONS. And you should be more cautious if a guy brings up sex early on. Usually this means they're only after sex and is sweet talking you into hooking up.
samspade Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 The thing is he asked me how many dates I usually go on before having sex. I asked him the same and he said usually 3-5 but it all depends. He also stated that he wouldn't mind being intimate with me now......probably due to our talks. My Loser-dar is going off...don't meet up with this douche. Do yourself a favor and meet men in the real world, where they have to rely on their wits and charm to get you interested. Online dating is rife with passive-aggression.
Author HopesandDreams Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Thanks for the advice! I figured I'd give online dating a go once more since I had a bit of luck with it in the past. I met one really decent guy who only became a friend of course but it was a pleasant experience. I know you don't know what you are getting online and that's the bad part. On one hand this guy seemed really nice and interesting but on the other hand I was a bit skeptical that he brought up sex this early. The first couple of days talking to him were great. He really knows how to make me laugh and we spent that time getting to know each other and found out just how much we had in common. But the third day was dooms day so to speak.....this is when he brought up the whole sex thing. It sucks because he seemed like a really cool guy....one in which I would really like to get to know better. But like you said this is probably all just part of the sweet talk to get into my pants. Ah well seems to be my luck these days. I was just so happy because he seemed to be different at first and was actually close enough to see. Not one of those long distance flings. I'd rather be safe than sorry though. Thanks again for the advice and anymore is welcomed! Even if it's just advice for dating tips in the future....I could use all the help I can get.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I really would like to suggest you meet dates in real life. It gives you more of a chance to get accustomed to interacting with people and discerning the good guys from the bad. Internet is a bit impersonal because one, you don't know if they're being truthful, and two, they're more likely to flake.
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Not every experience dating online is going to be evil. I just wanted to throw that out there. Don't let people sour your view. I met my BF on eH - not everybody online is a jerk.
yeex Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Asking how many dates you will go on before having sex is not normal. Actually, talking about sex to a person online before even meeting them is not normal unless that is what you are looking for. Red flag with this guy in my opinion if you want something more than a hookup.
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