LoveLace Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 If you used someone for 1 night, that you've known and had lots of good times with and ups/downs with, over the course of say 3 years, knowing she's fallen for you in past; so after the 1 night she texts you a few times but for whatever reason you choose not to respond, at all. Until finally it's annoying enough for you to tell me that's it's over and your p*ssd. I thought it was just a dumb reason after a long-awaited reunion that had me on could 9, and clearly we were back in this again. At 1st I had a pretty flat reaction and just felt bad. But after NC 2 weeks, my emotions have grown to be pretty angry so I've downright told him he's sh*t and not even close to being good enough to me. I told him I met a Dr. at work (which is somewhat true) and how excited I am about it. I've called him selfish. And I"ve yet to turn and be sorry for it. It's no attempt to get him back, it's how I really feel. I doesn't mean I didn't love him, because I sure did and this is hard. I let it all out, said I"m tired of his crap, and I'm not nice anymore. And it's made me feel better to get that out. Thing is, I WANT him to feel crappy. When I'm with him, I am nothing but encouraging to him. Always trying to cheer him up it seems. I used to think he was a happy-go-lucky guy and I guess he's changed. It's as though neither of us are as laid back as we were before. I admit all my mistakes if I agree that they are mistakes, and apologize and criticize with my heart and without harsh words. I do all the things he doesn't do and he sees me as the "immature" one. But he won't communicate and I want him to feel really crappy for it. He already has low self esteem apparently, well I'm bout ready to kick his ass down even lower. And i'm hoping this new guy in my life really comes through because I know he's way better for me. It's been about a week of total NC now, and I've yet to be nice again or anything for that matter. If I had it my way I'd still have a million mean things left to say. This is your friend and lover of 3 years, but with a few breaks in there. You have clearly f*d up even more than I did, but you don't feel bad? Sorry, I"m just having a hard time with this today. Tomorrow will be better
BCCA Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 If you used someone for 1 night, that you've known and had lots of good times with and ups/downs with, over the course of say 3 years, knowing she's fallen for you in past; so after the 1 night she texts you a few times but for whatever reason you choose not to respond, at all. Until finally it's annoying enough for you to tell me that's it's over and your p*ssd. Let me see if I have this right before going on...you were basically friends for 3 years, but you liked him as more, he knew that but didnt feel the same way, and then slept with you while you two were not in a committed relationship?
Ronni_W Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Hugs, LoveLace. It all sounds very crappy. What I'm wishing for you is that you don't lower yourself to the (old) guy's standards any longer -- only thing that's gonna happen there is you'll be living down to his label of "immature". DON'T DO IT!!! You are not that! And, of course, wishing that both you and the (new) guy will happily live up to each other's highest and most positive Yep...tomorrow will SURELY be better.
Author LoveLace Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Let me see if I have this right before going on...you were basically friends for 3 years, but you liked him as more, he knew that but didnt feel the same way, and then slept with you while you two were not in a committed relationship? Never really been "just friends". We slept together the entire time. Lots of dates and romantic times. Not a relationship, but not only "friends" either. However we share a lot of common interests. Lots of good times. Too bad he's such a tool.
Donovan Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I'd feel horrible. i used to have dreams about how i cheated on my girlfriend and i thought they were nightmares cuz i would never do that to her and in the dream i had to somehow tell her how i was seflish and had sex behind her back. i would feel like trash if i did that to a girl. and it sounds as if he had his agenda from the start. sleeping together for 3 years and all of a sudden drops u cuz of texting??? sounds like u were his insurance...
Author LoveLace Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 I'd feel horrible. i used to have dreams about how i cheated on my girlfriend and i thought they were nightmares cuz i would never do that to her and in the dream i had to somehow tell her how i was seflish and had sex behind her back. i would feel like trash if i did that to a girl. and it sounds as if he had his agenda from the start. sleeping together for 3 years and all of a sudden drops u cuz of texting??? sounds like u were his insurance... Yea well he's forgiven me, we've forgiven each other, for a lot of crap, it just seems like this time it didn't take long for us to realize that neither of us are up for it anymore.
2sunny Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 sounds like he's moved on and the "friends wb" has run its' course. you pushed too far when he was retreating... men hate that. when he didn't respond at first you should have waited for his reply - even if it means that you might wait for months/years. now he sees it in a different perspective. doubtful if you can recover at this point. i'd just wait it out and not contact him at all. he may or may not come back.
Author LoveLace Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Yes 2Sunny I aplogized and admitted I made mistake. I told him I'm totally secure in saying that. But after all we've been through, that should be good enough, especially cuz I could have done something much worse than text him too much. It isn't like I stabbed him in the back, like I feel he's done to me in the past, but decided the good outweighed the bad. I guess there's still time for him to think so too but it's not likely, which is a good thing. I know that what I did was a big no-no, but I told him I'm tired of feeling like I walk on eggshells around him, one wrong move and I'm toast. But the thing is, I've made him feel the exact same way, several times since knowing him. So he probably won't see it all the way I do. If anything, he probably thinks I deserve this, even though I've spent years kissing his a$$ more than than being angry with him, that's for sure. But I'm not dumb enough to think he could even begin to realize that. Least not anytime soon. I am tired of his acting like he's just too damn good for me. Even though I screwed up, I think he just over reacted..which I'm guilty for doing too. But still, he's known for lighting my fire and pssing on my flame, for stupid things that can easily be worked out. We HAVE worked out our dumb arguments in the past but not as much as we should or could have. Because he doesn't appear to think I deserve that much. So he can walk with that.
BCCA Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Never really been "just friends". We slept together the entire time. Lots of dates and romantic times. Not a relationship, but not only "friends" either. However we share a lot of common interests. Lots of good times. Too bad he's such a tool. Ok, now I see. Just clarifying. Well, sadly, as I just told a friend, when you give guys sex without a commitment, thats generally all theyre going to give you. While its fine to get to that point without being official, dont dwell in relationship limbo for too long. Even if it means losing someone for good, its better to ask for what you want and hold your ground. Going on like that for 3 years is just asking for dissapointment. I would personally feel bad, but he might not feel like hes done anything wrong. And really, his loss. He had a chance at something great, and pissed it away.
Author LoveLace Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Ok, now I see. Just clarifying. Well, sadly, as I just told a friend, when you give guys sex without a commitment, thats generally all theyre going to give you. While its fine to get to that point without being official, dont dwell in relationship limbo for too long. Even if it means losing someone for good, its better to ask for what you want and hold your ground. Going on like that for 3 years is just asking for dissapointment. I would personally feel bad, but he might not feel like hes done anything wrong. And really, his loss. He had a chance at something great, and pissed it away. Thanks. I feel the same way. You are right about asking for what I want. I'll never stop doing that, and if it makes him stay away, how can I not be fine with that.
Star Gazer Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 sounds like he's moved on and the "friends wb" has run its' course. you pushed too far when he was retreating... men hate that. when he didn't respond at first you should have waited for his reply - even if it means that you might wait for months/years. now he sees it in a different perspective. doubtful if you can recover at this point. i'd just wait it out and not contact him at all. he may or may not come back. All very true, 2sunny. Well, sadly, as I just told a friend, when you give guys sex without a commitment, thats generally all theyre going to give you. Agreed. After establishing a solid 3 YEAR pattern where you sleep with him without commitment or expectations, I'm not sure you can expect him to see things any differently now? A FWB doesn't carry strings. You can't try to tie him down now. he might not feel like hes done anything wrong. He really... hasn't. And really, his loss. He had a chance at something great, and pissed it away. This is also very true, LL. You deserve more - MUCH MORE! - than you've been accepting. You have to TEACH them men you meet how to treat you. This 3 year pattern isn't the way.
Author LoveLace Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Well SG it wasn't about me trying to tie him down now. Just about the way he treats it over and over again. However, wanting more of him is always something that comes at some point and we both know it.So neither should be, nor probably are, very surprised at any of this. If he sees texting too much as wanting to tie him down, I have to let him see it that way. I know what my intentions were, and it wasn't that. That's what matters. I through walking on eggshells, again. Anyone who makes me feel that way isn't worth the pain or explaining of myself. Again, sorry should be enough. And if it's not, then neither is he. It isn't that I don't regret texting a few too many times (without even thinking it would phase him because it's always taken a LOT more than something like that to make him mad at me) or that I don't wish we could work it out. But I have no desire to try and force him to. No desire to live the last 3 years for another 3. He was worth it for a while. But I don't have the energy anymore. I've already told him before that it's exhausting trying to make sure he's happy with however we are, trying not to screw up, but once in a while we all slip, and in this case it isn't like I was 1 number away from hitting a jackpot. He has every right to not like something I do, but just being a plain a d*ckhead about it is something I can live without.
Kamille Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Well SG it wasn't about me trying to tie him down now. I'm sorry this is going on LL - you do deserve better. But, the first thing to realize is that there's nothing wrong with wanting commitment from a guy. It's been my experience that most guys respond really well to knowing from the get go that you are looking for a serious relationship - with someone who suits you, not just anyone. It makes them feel like they have to win you over - or better yet, that if you chose to be with them it will be to build something strong together. You set the standard and they have to live up to it. I get the impression you treat men as if you feel like they don't want relationships - as if they will run away the minute you make it sound like you want something serious. Truth is - many men want relationships! Of course they do. So start expecting the men you date to want it and stop hoping to turn something casual into something serious. You're not tying down anyone, you'd be building something beautiful and exciting together.
Author LoveLace Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 I'm sorry this is going on LL - you do deserve better. But, the first thing to realize is that there's nothing wrong with wanting commitment from a guy. This I know. But to him there is something wrong with it. Texting him a lot wasn't even about committment. It was being happy to have reunited, but for him I was tooo happy, to him it WAS about committment, because WOOPS I forgot, everything has to mean I want him to marry me tomorrow. Wanting his attention or more time with him is far from saying you want a committment. It means exactly what it says. I was ready to just roll with it but he wasn't. Because, perhaps, the texting meant she WILL want a committment, and I forgot I'm an a-hole, so I"m outta here.
Kamille Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 That's the thing, isn't it? - no one can change a commitmentphobe.
Author LoveLace Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 You're not tying down anyone, you'd be building something beautiful and exciting together. I do treat Dan as if he doesn't want a relationship...because he doesn't. And I've tried to tell him, in the past, that "tying someone down" is such a negative way to look at my feelings. I've always told him there are other options in my life and just because I want more of him doesn't mean he's the one. Maybe that sounded kind of mean but it was true. Even committment doesn't mean you think they are "the one". Anyway, I've tried to explain it to him in the the exact way you did here (not recently but once before) but he chooses to keep seeing it his way. So I'll never get anywhere, never have, never will. If someone views relationships a certain way, and they feel that strongly about it, sometimes not even the best of offers will change their mind. That's the way it goes...sadly.
Recommended Posts