MeaganRaye Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 This is EXACTLY what I am going through. Most of the interactions I have with are with women, not men. I envy girls who casually have good friendships with guys. I went on a job interview, and the guy who interviewed me was a VERY attractive older man, around 40-45 yrs old, and I was so delighted to have him look me directly in the face as he spoke to me. We ended up having a conversation about something totally unrelated to the job and I was so pleasantly delighted by the conversation i didn't want it to end. It's rare that I discuss common interests with men. Most of the time when men approach me, it's when they are hitting on me
Untouchable_Fire Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I've never experienced a truly requited crush, but when I know a guy likes me as a person, I loosen up a lot. Do you ever feel unattractive? Do you feel men would only be interested in you based on your looks? Socially, I'm the type of person that easily handles small talk (so long as it's not someone I have a crush on!), but doesn't make close friends, or even fairly close friends, very easily at all. In general do you find it difficult to trust other people with your feelings?
gopher Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 One of my best friends is female....we just talk about life...our jobs, what we are doing over the weekend....our dating relationships. We don't hang out as much as we used to, but when we do it's just as comfortable. I'd be lost without her friendship. I think you have more opportunities than you realize for guy friends...."Hint", In some cases, it's those guys in your life who you don't feel physically attracted to.
kizik Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Anyway, I recently realized that I've never actually spent a full day, one on one, with a not-related-to-me guy. Hi Isolde, here's the issue. Any straight, red-blooded male is not going to be content with just hanging out and talking. They might be for one day, but he'll want it to be more. I am not saying he'll want to f*ck you right away. But don't be so surprised when he reaches for your hand, goes in for the kiss, etc. Is the issue that you want to hang out with a guy without having to worry about him trying to take it further? Then hang out with a gay guy. My best friend is gay and he's got bevvies of girlfriends. He loooves them (a lot more than he likes me). Anyway - other than gay guys, you are NEVER going to find a guy who is just happy hanging out. However this IS possible if: -he's got a GF/wife, and you have a BF/husband -neither of you are attracted to the other -he's impotent In the meantime, I think you really need to understand how guys are. Sooo many women out there are sooo ignorant and stupid to the fact that we men are merely creatures of nature. It's not our fault we want to f*ck you And to speak to carhill's point about men and women being different species - he's right on. In fact (and this is going to sound horrible), I almost subconsciously think of women as my enemies. So, I focus on hanging out with guys. No sexual tension, etc. Why don't you work on your female friendships? -kizik
Island Girl Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I've never been intimidated by guys but I have always been aware that they have been intimidated by me. And it can be really fun I must say!
carhill Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 And to speak to carhill's point about men and women being different species - he's right on. In fact (and this is going to sound horrible), I almost subconsciously think of women as my enemies. The OP actually said that, though I might tend to agree with you and she. The last part I think came as a result of being married and giving myself completely to someone. It irks me that so much of my valuable emotion and brain time was spent on what became a lonely existence for me. The upside now is that no woman intimidates me in the least. I don't care how good looking she is or how much money she makes or how popular she is. They all sit on the toilet the same So, OP, as I related earlier, having a similar view of men will help you relax the alien species stuff and just enjoy them for who they are. Total understanding is not required or even desired
BobSacamento Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I have been told that I can be intimidating. I have also been told I am a man of few words. I think there may be a connection there. Women love to talk and tell you everything. Hell at work I know my coworkers entire life story but she does not even know when or if I'm seeing someone. I like to be mysterious and maybe that can be intimidating? Maybe you should fight fire with fire. I know what gets me flustered the most and that's when a girl smiles at me. I go into "Oh **** what should I do" mode instantly lol. I love it.
Lizzie60 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Anyone else a bit intimidated by guys? Nope.. not anymore.. I used to be when I was younger.. but age has given me tremendous confidence. In fact, I feel a little superior than most guys ...
Author Isolde Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 I don't mind being a little reserved, and it has nothing to do with feeling superior or inferior. I think I'm just a little bit inexperienced, honestly. Heck, I even get shy around gay guys. I'm just not used to being friends with guys. It's also not an issue of being annoyed that guys want to date me. Rather, I just want to go on dates where we actually relax rather than the guy clamming up because he thinks I like him too much or not enough.
monkey00 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I don't mind being a little reserved, and it has nothing to do with feeling superior or inferior. I think I'm just a little bit inexperienced, honestly. Heck, I even get shy around gay guys. I'm just not used to being friends with guys. It's also not an issue of being annoyed that guys want to date me. Rather, I just want to go on dates where we actually relax rather than the guy clamming up because he thinks I like him too much or not enough. What lizzie said, you do become more confident with the opposite sex as you get older. I was exactly in your shoes when I was younger. The easiest thing to do is just see them as someone you're not attracted to. Enjoy their company first before the romance. I think what it sounds like is you need a social guy, who's able to keep the conversation going or lead it.
spookie Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Just remember that guys don't give a fcvk about conversation, so it doens't matter if it feels really awkward to you. Get them moving, DO things.
CommitmentPhobe Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Wow, I'm pretty creepy. I'll just be making eye contact with some random cute guy, hoping he'll start talking to me, but it never happens. lol Isolde that's cute not creepy no need to be so hard on yourself.
kizik Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 guys don't give a fcvk about conversation I don't know, the last time I checked I have a penis, and I really love a good interesting convo with a girl. But then, yeah, I wanna f*ck her.
loser101 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Just remember that guys don't give a fcvk about conversation, so it doens't matter if it feels really awkward to you. rather the opposite. they enjoy a decent conversation, a good laugh, they sometimes want to share, sometimes just want to keep things light. a man will judge you if he can't connect with you and the conversation is awkward.
Author Isolde Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Just remember that guys don't give a fcvk about conversation, so it doens't matter if it feels really awkward to you. Get them moving, DO things. This is good advice. I'm not a fan of dinner on the first date :/ In fact, I'm beginning to realize that traditional dating doesn't seem to be for me. I don't see myself meeting a future BF that way.
Author Isolde Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 I think what it sounds like is you need a social guy, who's able to keep the conversation going or lead it. I agree with you. I think I'm FAR more compatible with confident, assertive, social men.
BoredPerson Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 It is good that you feel intimidated as men are naturally superior to women it is only normal that you feel scared, as it is your job to be submissive. Nothing much would be a shy and obedient woman, but most modern women are not like that. Most modern women think that they are men. I think you should have lots of casual sex if you want to not be intimidated by men, but really I see nothing wrong with being intimidated at alll. I like it when she is a little bit sju and scared of me, because she should be.
Author Isolde Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 It is good that you feel intimidated as men are naturally superior to women it is only normal that you feel scared, as it is your job to be submissive. Nothing much would be a shy and obedient woman, but most modern women are not like that. Most modern women think that they are men. I think you should have lots of casual sex if you want to not be intimidated by men, but really I see nothing wrong with being intimidated at alll. I like it when she is a little bit sju and scared of me, because she should be. *spat out my soda laughing* You advocate that women be submissive and yet encourage casual sex.
Author Isolde Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Yeah, maybe in BoredPerson world they're not!
wuggle Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Isolde, don't get dragged into a pointless discussion with boredperson, he hates the world and everyone in it, and just says things like this to start a fight.
Author Isolde Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Yes, he's done the same thing to one of my other threads.
carhill Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I agree with you. I think I'm FAR more compatible with confident, assertive, social men. Not all men who are those things think they are those things
BoredPerson Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Yeah, maybe in BoredPerson world they're not! Come now friend. I was just trying to help you. Casual sex is good and is a great way for you to learn to be submissive and obedient. You'll see how little respect many men have for women and you'll be more appreciative of the men that really care about you.
Cora Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Isolde: I am the same way around guys. I am very intimidated by them. In my case I am very shy, insecure, inexperienced and my self esteem isn't the greatest. That right there is a recipe for disaster in dating. Which is probably why I am 26 years old and can count on one hand the number of dates I have been on. I am this way around most guys, not just the ones I have an interest in. For instance, I am also very insecure around my male cousins. One of them made the statement the other day that I have a problem looking people in the eye. When I am nervous I tend to do that and I hate it because I know it is portrayed as a sign of dishonesty and I am a very honest person. I am a very shy person in general so I know this has a lot to do with it but it seems to be ten times worse around guys. I just never learned how to communicate and be comfortable around them. Probably due to lack of guy friends. It's very difficult and frustrating at times.
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