JD55 Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 How do you begin to trust someone who has lied to you? This is my side of the story..... Hi I'm currently separated from my wife. Married 3 years ... We have two beautiful daughters age 1 and 3 whom I see regularly. I love spending with them. Before my wife and i got married or decided to take that path I raised concerns that I had with her. I am a Leo at heart. I crave affection and attention and I do love sex. Sex brings many positives into a relationship. I understand Men are from Mars and Woman are from Venus. I get that. Back to my story I told her I wasn't comfortable getting married because of the lack of affection and sex. She promised me this would change. Our honey Moon was great I got all the affection and sex I craved. Well then again she didn't have her mom, family and friends around so I should get some attention right right. Well like all honey moons when they end comes the real life. We both had hard times adjusting initially one of my faults was spending to much time with my . In our marriage counseling ( 4 months into our marriage) I expressed that I wasnt getting the sex and affection I needed and that she had promised. She admitted that she held back on sex and affection because she felt that i wasn't putting her first. So I decided to make the changes to put her # 1 and my friends second. So she admitted to me and the councilor she recognized that I did in fact make changes yet I was still feeling lonely from the lack of affection and sex. Did I make mistake by marring someone who isn't that affectionate? Did she say that she would be more affectionate and sexual just to get married. Keep in mind before we got married they're were alot of emotionaly baggage items. Even though we were dating and allowed to date other people She lied about having sex with this dude. I forgave her. She/We had 2 abortions before the marriage. The first abortion neither of us wanted it of course it was harder for her emotionally not to say it wasn't for me. But she goes to church every sunday I don't. But I do believe in GOD. So this played emotional guilt on her part re: the abortion. The second time she got pregnant ( Yes i know I'm an Idiot um PROTECTION) She told her family/pASTOR/friends whom gave me (her mom and dad) her the 3rd degree about turning her daughter into a statistic. I told them I wasnt ready get married. Then 1 week later she tells me she had a miscarriage. After not believing her I let it rest and then started asking for the truth 2 months later at which point she came clean about going to have an abortion. So yes she lied to me again but I waved that one two..... SO are relationship started off very rocky..... I have caught her in other lies about money and other stupid stuff. Let me be clear I'm not worried about her cheating on me. I just don't trust she is always being upfront with me. That led to the part of the separation. One day I just blew up and said enough of the bull because I wasn't comfortable with her and actions. I'm not perfect I have my faults also. We she each other quite frequently as I visit the kids and put them to bed and what not. She still loves me and wants to make it work. I love her but I'm finding it hard to be in love because of what broke me apart from her. Lies/Lack of affection/ lack of sex.... Another note is that she seems to forget and communicate to me when a plan changes and tells me it's her brain and it happens all the time. This to me is puzzling. An example of this is currently I am unemployed she is working full time. I watch the kids partime and we have a babysitter too. So last thurs. I was to be at the house for 630am she sends me text at 1:30 am telling me not to come because the babysitter is coming ( when I was sleeping) I wake up at 5:45 send her a message back Are u kidding me ? where is the communication she was up all night hanging out with her girls yet she couldn't call me to tell me that. The point is communication issues we have are big. On top of that my trust issues come into play when she does this kind of stuff. Because of the mistrust in the past. She fogets stuff like this all the time and it drives me nuts. I ask her to put safeguards in like when the plan changes and I`m involved she needs to call me asap out of respect as I would do the same. Recently we have talked about getting back together and started writing down what our marriage would look like on paper one thing that is bugging me so far is that she wants to spend spend at least 50% of her weekend time at her parents place with our kids but I said well how are we ever going to establish a strong foundation for our own family if you`re there for 50% of weekend LIFETIME ... Is this another warning sign? Anyhow here are some questions 1) Is it possible for a woman to become more affection and sexual than she has shown you? 2) Will she continue to lie? 3) If she said she`s committed to making the relationship work - then why would she want to spend half of her weekend at her parents house. I mean if were suppose to be a family we should be more focused on us Me her and the girls? am I wrong to think like that? 4) Is this statement true to "The best predictor of future behaviour is past behaviour of an individual"? There is more stuff to add but I`ll save it for now ...... Please if you have any insight I would appreciate open honesty I feel like this is a roller coaster ride. I`m also struggling with the fact if we get a divorce I wont see my kids everyday, at the same time I want to be happy.... Anyhow I'M in deep and its decision time...
mark982 Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 jd, you screwed up ,by falling for the old"sex will get better after marriage",crap. i know of noone who's sex improved after marriage.i could be wrong, but me,myself i know of noone.i wish you the best though,and hope it works out.
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