Can casual relationships turn into somethign serious? I dont want to make a mistake.

[Bgirl]

Hey guys!

 

I have posted in here before and now I met someone new , he is a pretty cool guy , we seem to connect failry well and we give each other good company. He has bene really honest with me and told me that he is not looking to date right now , but he finds me really attractive and he wants to have something casual , hang out be friends.. in other words , friends with benefits because he's had bad experiences and he is just tired of the whole relationship thing , so he is just in that "whatever" stage , he said if something happens it will happen naturally , nothing has to be forced.

I asked him so what if i decide to go with another guy .. he said " well thats fine becuase we are not tied up. Something could happen between us maybe who knows , but right now im not in relationship mode "

 

So my question is ... any epxerience with this type of scenarios ? I am kinda ok with being casual becuase I've had too much headaches with relationships , but since I like him I do see me falling for him or vicevesa.. anyways someone could get hurt... but what are the chances of somethin casual developing into something else ?

 

Please advise as he said " if you want we will be that as im attarcted to you and dont want anythig serious now " " if not we can be friends as I like talking to you "...................there's a fork in the road and I dont want to make a crucial mistake!

 

 

Thanks!

[MeMyself&I]

Hey guys!

I am kinda ok with being casual becuase I've had too much headaches with relationships , but since I like him I do see me falling for him or vicevesa.. anyways someone could get hurt... but what are the chances of somethin casual developing into something else ?

 

Thanks!

 

This whole paragraph says it all. You already see him as someone you could fall for and he has made it clear that a "relationship" is a "no go" for him now. You are asking for heartbreak.

 

Ya MAYBE something would develop from FWB........but I doubt it. He will already have had the intimacy that men often seek when developing a relationship.......why would he move it any further. If you see him as a potential relationship. Go with being friends and build the relationship up on that. If he sticks around........great; If he bails on just being friends.......well their's your answer (the one he already gave) he doesn't want anything but casual.

 

You have to know yourself. I KNOW I don't do casual. Do you know this about yourself? There's nothing wrong with either way. But maintaining a casual FWB relationship takes a special type of mindset. Falling for someone in that capacity is not a good thing.

 

You have to ask yourself can I maintaing a casual relationship and deal with

 

1) me dating other people myself. It's casual........so if you isolate yourself to only him your giving him your exclusivity but he's not giving it to you (oh how lucky he would be)

2) His Dating other people

3) realizing his other relationships are none of your business.

4) not falling for him.

5) by wrapping yourself up in him you may possibly miss out on a real relationship.

 

These are just a few potentioal problems/thoughts I'm throwing out. Just because casual isn't for me doesn't mean it isn't for you. I just saw some red flags in your post to contratdict that you could handle one. For example you're "kinda okay"??? You have to be totally okay cause that is what he is offering.

 

Good luck to you Bgirl.

[Bgirl]

MeMyself&I

 

You are so right, I've never had a casual relationsip and Im not fully prepared for one .... I do see myself falling for him and no I couldnt see him sleeping with other girls , that would be just NOT ok.. I means he goes and sleeps with otehr girls and then comes ot me no no. Those are good points.. I guess I was just thinking in terms of casual-exclusive.. meaning that he wont see anyone else.. but how sure can I be that he wont ?

See im so new to this casual dating thing , thank God im asking for advise!

I dont think Im ok with it after reading your post...

Is he just going to ditch me when he finds a serious one ..? that would hurt.

[xpaperxcutx]

There is no such thing as casual exclusive.

Why do you suppose he's proposing this idea to you?

 

I see him getting his milk without milking his cow.

 

You are in my opinion, a relationship person, and for someone to convince you to go casual would be unwise. Casual dating and sex is about sleeping without emotional attachments. You can date around and you can't expect each other to contribute anything more.

 

Do not develop feelings for this guy. He's only in it for the sexual benefits.

[SoulSearch_CO]

Take a guy's word for it when he says all he wants is something casual. That IS all you will get from him. Since you've already stated you could fall for him, I'd say run.

[amymarieca]

I was in a similar situation to yours not that long ago. I am fine with the whole casual dating thing, but it certainly does suck if you end up really liking the guy. You will never get what you really want from him.

[BCCA]

If this is as far as you ever want this to go, then sure, go for it. If you have any notion it will EVER be more, forget about it now. As another guy said, when we say we just want a casual relationship, we really just want sex without commitment and the ability to walk away if something better comes along.

 

Who ISNT in the 'whatever' stage when it comes to dating? Relationship mode is a made up phrase that means he doesnt see you as someone he wants to date seriously, but also doesnt want to give up having his cake and eating it, too.

 

Say its all or nothing, and watch how quickly the excuses flow out. He's full of it, he just wants a FWB, it will never be anything else. F that, get out while youre a head.

[Sam Spade]

There is no such thing as casual exclusive.

 

Sure there is. That's how my current relationship started, and seems to be progressing steadily.

[Bgirl]

Sam Spade... sure it seems to me like that could happen but what are teh odds one out of a million ? Sure I'm happy for you if things are going that way, but I dont think most cases end up ona happy note, from what I've seen .

 

He is fully into it for his piece of cake only as when he messages me is only to talk about related stuff ..

He wants to see me on Sat and before I wrote thsi post I said I would ... I have to finda way out now .

 

About the "relationship mode excuse" , yes he has told me that , just that he doesnt wants to date because he has been burned in the past. But he still wants to go slow with me and get to "cuddle" and enjoy our bodies.

 

SO getting into casual exclusive I said to him: you know that I am talking to another guy what should I do with him ? just to test him.. and he said well if we are going to get together you have to stop fooling around with other people and I'll do the same"

That's where the causal-exclusive came from ..........................Is that making sense ?

[MeMyself&I]

SO getting into casual exclusive I said to him: you know that I am talking to another guy what should I do with him ? just to test him.. and he said well if we are going to get together you have to stop fooling around with other people and I'll do the same"

That's where the causal-exclusive came from ..........................Is that making sense ?

 

I actually had a guy start our relationship off this same way. He wanted us to be casual as in we are not boyfriend/girlfriend and we do our own thing as far as spare time (he told me to just keep it cool). Meaning no "I'm in love with you and jealous and your mine" stuff too soon. BUT he made it clear we slept with only each other. So it was casual exclusive.

 

But mine did not work out. I think it could like SamSpade's. But I think what most people are thinking here is that the casual refers to the whole relationship were in these cases it refers to the emotional attachment not to the sex.

 

As a woman I often get emotional once the sex is involved (I'm not saying all women do.......but in my case ya!), I think this is a way for a man/woman to say I want to have sex with you, I like you but I'm not sure where it's going besides that.

 

You are probably thinking well duh isn't that how most normal relationships start? Well......IDK. I think traditionally in relationships the sexual side of the relationship tended to build after the emotional attachment was forming now we tend to jump into the sack often before that emotional attachment is there more often (Once again......not everybody but more often then we used to).

 

As I mentioned earlier Bgirl, you just have to know yourself and part of that is learning from our experience or others (isn't that why we are here asking each other?). It only took me one time to realize, I suck at casual? Maybe you can handle it maybe you can't. In my previous post I wrote that it appears...IMO.....that casual is probably not for you. But that's just my observation.

[Bgirl]

So I thought I would write in here just so maybe one day somebody will learn something out of this ..

So I kept talking to him and every other word he mentioned was about my body or what he wanted to do to me etc...

I kjept questioning him about hsi intentions and as I would set boundaries by saying stuff like " I wouldnt do that Im not your gf" or " We are not exclusive I dont see why I would do that " he finally said to me

"Hey I just want your body and a warm body to go home too , I only see you as a friend with benefits so we can kiss , cuddle and have fun but no strings attached , I dont see myself with you because we cause drama together " I was atonished..................just too explain what he calls drama is me asking him to make up his mind about me.

So I was speechless and I obviously left it at that .. then he said " that I cant relax and thefore he doesnt thinks im ready for this as he has done this plenty of times he can assure me that he wont fall for me and it will only be friendship but he wants sex!

I told him no thanks im not interested, and yes I cant relax , I want to be hectic with a guy that loves me! haha

Hope it serves as a guideline for some women out there , it gets confusing sometimes when sex is involved and nothing else, I was surprised that he sopke his mind right like felt it and even though I appreciate his honesty , that doesnt make him a good man for me.

Most guys will have similar thoughts when they are only asking for sex.