skylieava Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 My daughter will be 4 in September, and he father has been in and out of her life. We were 16 and 17 when she was born, and he was too afraid to be a commited father. I met a man when i was pregnant with my daughter, who is now my husband and has been raising her since she was born. A few days ago my husband and i got into an argument in which he started blaming me for my daughters father not seeing her anymore. I lost sleep thinking about this, and maybe i did push him away because of the love i had for my husband, and wanting him to be her father. Regardless, should i give him another chance. He hasn't seen her in over a year, and now i'm confused as to what to do. Is aking him if he would like to see her again a bad thing?
sotired Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 I would give him a call and ask him. Chances are you aren't the problem....but at least make the first step. If he declines then leave it at that.
2sure Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Because you were both so young and because has not even seen her in a year....I would wait for him (your ex) to make the first move as far as a visit. If a parent has made no attempt to see or support their child, regardless of whether or not they get along with the ex - that shows that they just are not that interested. Nothing can keep most parents from fighting to see thier children. Because you dont want to be blamed in years to come, of preventing his seeing her...you might want to contact him and talk about wheter he wants to COMMIT to seeing her on a regular basis. If your new H has not adopted your daughter, you should also establish some child support- just for your daughter's security should anything happen to you.
Lizzie60 Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 My daughter will be 4 in September, and he father has been in and out of her life. We were 16 and 17 when she was born, and he was too afraid to be a commited father. I met a man when i was pregnant with my daughter, who is now my husband and has been raising her since she was born. A few days ago my husband and i got into an argument in which he started blaming me for my daughters father not seeing her anymore. I lost sleep thinking about this, and maybe i did push him away because of the love i had for my husband, and wanting him to be her father. Regardless, should i give him another chance. He hasn't seen her in over a year, and now i'm confused as to what to do. Is aking him if he would like to see her again a bad thing? Humm.. you are both very young.. but... your daughter is the priority here.. she's not an object that you pass around.. so you need to be very careful with this situation. She probably doesn't remember her father too welll if he wasn't present in her life.. If I were you, I would call the bio dad and ask him where he stands.. do not talk to your daughter about anything.. If he's not interested.. don't push it.. Then you might want to talk to your husband if he'd like to adopt her.. I don't get why he would want your ex to be involved again in your life.. If I were him.. I would just hope that he will never be involved again.. and I would adopt her..
Ronni_W Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 I agree with those who are suggesting to call your daughter's father, and find out where he stands...especially if he hasn't seen her due to you not allowing him, or somehow making it difficult for him to see his daughter. (Which I'm getting from your thread title and your husband's argument could likely be the case, no?)
thegoodlife Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 I agree that at least calling him to see where he stands is the best you can do, at least put it out there. But on the other hand, speaking as someone whose father wasn't around as a child, I'm not sure if that's such a good idea for your daughter. I'm not sure of exact ages but I know they are some of my earliest memories; he randomly showed up at my house a few times and I would ball my eyes out because although I was very very young, I knew who it was and I knew I did not want to see him because it made me too sad. Every child and every situation is different though. I too had a stable stepfather in my mom's husband, who eventually came to adopt me. I had many rough years as I got older with my real father jerking me around and coming in and out of my life for months at a time. So just make sure that if your ex is going to be in your daughters' life, that he is a permanent fixture.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 30, 2009 Posted April 30, 2009 I think the if the bio dad calls you guys and wants to see her, then make the arrangements also shouldnt it be your daughters choice. You shouldnt force feed it down her throat. She can says she wants to meet her birth father too. But if you want you and your husband can both reach out to the bio dad and ask if he wants to meet her. cordially.
smookie Posted May 11, 2009 Posted May 11, 2009 I have to say wow I have alot of similar experiences as alot of people on this site. It amazes me. i did the same thing. Had my daughter (now 20) very young her father was not father material at the time. He did not want to see her and commit to seeing her regularly so all ties were cut for 4 years. (did not want my daughter waiting for her dad that might now show up). The only contact I had with him was through his mother and we never talked about him and his life. Then one day she called me and told me that her son wanted to talk to me and see me. I was so mad that I started to scream at her (understanding mother she is). I did contact him right after I hung up with her (calmed down of course). I let him have it though, I was mad and I thought ok this is the time to do it. I expressed all the things and feelings that I had to go through being a single mother. I expressed to him that he was not to see her until he could say 100% that he was ready to be a father. My daughter is not a doll that you can pull out when you need the comfort. I did end up going to see him that night wand we went out for burgars and fry's. We talked more and I said yes or no at the end. I was not willing to wait to hear back from him I wanted the answer then and there. Yes I was pushy with him however I raised her and she had no clue who he was. I was not about to mess up with her head anymore. Today at 20 they have a very good and strong relationship. They love eachother more then anything. I suggest that you call him and tell him that you would like it if he could commit also due to the fact that you will be contacting him , Give him time to respond back. If he needs time to think let him. I did not only because he made the first move. List your expectations with this if he wants to come back into her life. Make him commit to the times that he will see her, tell him she is not a play doll. Let him know also that if he messes up the contact will be let go. (more incentive for him to do it if he really wants to). Best wishes
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