Intricategirl Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 The other night, my ex stopped by to pick up a lot of his stuff. Earlier in the day, we talked about a guy I was chatting with online. I told him that I didn't expect anything to come of it and I was giving him every reason to run since I told him I just went through a split and had two kids. But when my ex was over that night, he got dizzy and had to lay down. I sat on the bed, and he asked whether the guy wrote me back. I said, "No, and I don't think he will. And that's alright. It was just nice to know that there's somebody out there that likes my personality. He is interested by me exactly the way I am." My ex kind of laid there for a minute, sat up, said "This is weird" and went back to getting his stuff out. I went downstairs because I figured he needed some space, and I was trying to look up the address of a surgeon I needed to see. He started carrying things downstairs, and at one point, he came over and said, "You know, I'm helping you move your stuff out of the house... Just sayin'... Or not..." I finished what I was doing and grabbed a box to carry out to the car. When I went out, I told him, "I didn't ask you to move out or even want you to move out. You've got some nerve expecting me to help you. Besides, there's a big difference between the house and here. If it doesn't get done at the house, then the bank gets everything in it and it doesn't do either of us any good. If it doesn't get done here, then you do without your work clothes and furniture." He told me, "It just felt like the past where I had to do everything." I told him, "It's not the past. Get over it." and walked inside. When we finished loading everything, I asked, "That's all?" He said, "Yeah. Now I'm going home and getting really drunk." I turned around and asked him why, and he told me, "Seems like the thing to do." I turned around and started to walk up the stairs as I was saying, "Okay. Good luck with it." A few seconds later, I heard a knock on the door. When I opened it, he told me that he forgot some of his food that I had set aside for him. He apologized for earlier again. As he was leaving, he said, "I'm sorry for giving you sh*t earlier. Pretty soon, I'm going to have everything out, and it's just going to be me picking up the kids and a quick hi." I didn't know what to say, so I didn't really respond. He said, "And I bet you'll be happy about it." I told him, "Nope. Indifferent." Later on, he called me and said he was sorry. I asked him what he was sorry for. He said, "For the thing I said about you not helping me move." I told him, "That's okay." He said, "No, it's not. And I'm sorry." I told him, "Okay. Thank you." I told him I did more than he ever gave me credit for. He said, "I know you did." And by the end of the call it sounded like he was crying. I called him back a few minutes later and offered to help him look for furniture the next day. He said, "No. I need to cut the cords... I don't mean that in a nasty way. I'm a clone. I followed Amanda to college and took up her major, and then I met you and switched to English, and then I went to computer science because your dad did that. I don't know who I am, and I guess I need to figure it out." I told him I always thought it was weird that he switched to English, and I told him my dad hated compsci. He said, "I know, but I was..." and I added, "...trying to get in good with the family?" He agreed. I told him that his problem was always that he was a clone, which I've known for a while, but once he does something, he expects to lead. He can't lead others if he was never supposed to be there in the first place. I offered again to help him and said that he doesn't have to make up his mind right then, but if he gets stuck, I'm available. And wouldn't you know it- the next day he called me from the store, unable to pick out a couch and saying he really liked the one I had picked out, but insisting he wanted to do it all on his own. But here's how I know I'm moving on. He told me several days ago that he was making plans to meet the OW again. I found out the dates and it was not only right after school gets out, but fell on his visitation weekend. I brought this up and he said he was going to ask his mom to watch them. I told him that's not very cool to do to his kids and he told me he's in a long-distance relationship and has to make concessions where he can. I asked what concessions she had made. He was living in an apartment with no furniture, but she wants him to come all the way there to see each other again. Well, after that, my mom and sister reminded me of a trip they had been planning with the kids before we ever split up. And it just happens to fall on that weekend. The next time I spoke with him, I told him that my mom and sister wanted the kids that weekend anyway, so he was free to go on his trip without worrying about where the kids would be. He was silent for a second and then said, "It was just plans. I don't know if it's happening." Regardless of whether it does or not, I'm helping him with plans to meet the OW??? Crazy!! lol And last night, I actually found her online. I don't know for sure, but I had an unusual number of hits on my website from Kentucky, and one city in particular. I knew her first name and what type of work she does for a living, and took a shot at Google. I found her immediately. She's not pretty (and I'm not saying that from a bitter perspective), she's boring (her blog is in all caps and talks about string theory in a way that isn't exciting), and she's insanely big on Ron Paul (which I can't see the ex tolerating for very long at all). I didn't feel the need to get her phone number or address, and I'm not even going to tell my friends where her site is, because they'll go there seeking revenge that I don't want. But think about it- she's googling me. She's looking at my site, probably reading my blog, and trying to find out who I am. And I'm not hiding.
PWSX3 Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 someone gave me a good suggestion last night. The only thing you need to communicate with the former spouse is; kids, house if it hasn't sold, & that's it. Mine is trying to get me to go to her counselor, she should have thought of that about 7 months ago!!!!!! Little things do bring back the past & they may do the same for you down the road. Just like today seeing her use her maiden name on some paperwork, but that is just another step towards being free.... It is good to hear you are doing welll.
Author Intricategirl Posted April 21, 2009 Author Posted April 21, 2009 I've got to figure out how to quit claim the house so I don't end up with a foreclosure. He's the one on the mortgage, but I'm on the title, so it could be complicated. And yeah, of course the kids. Other than that, he just called and asked about getting his DVD recorder tonight. I repeated to him that I don't mind him taking it, but he has to move the furniture, unhook everything, and hook up my DVD player in its place, and that everything has to be working properly when he leaves. What I didn't tell him is that I landed a job interview for tomorrow, my college application was accepted, I heard from one friend that I haven't seen in 15 years and reached out to another, and the guy I was chatting with wasn't scared off by kids or the getting out of a relationship (still trying to not read much into it. Just a decent person to talk to). And yeah, I'm sure little things will bring back the past. For right now, the present and future are pretty good though.
delajoonal Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 wow! intricategirl...i an honestly say, i am a million times better than i was 7 days ago , when dh left for the 3rd, time and last...BUT i am not sure i would be willing to help him make arrangements to see the OW yet..LOL you must be in an amazing place...GOOD FOR YOU! wish me luck on getting there soon too!
Author Intricategirl Posted April 21, 2009 Author Posted April 21, 2009 Oh, don't get me wrong. I'm not booking the hotel room for them or buying concert tickets. These plans with my mom and sister were already in the works, but with everything going on, I forgot about them. Besides, my mom and sister invited me to go crazy all over the state of Texas with them, and what would be more fun- going to Six Flags and Sea World or listening to bluegrass in a cave while you snuggle with a female CarrotTop with a lazy eye? Bwaaahaahaaa!
delajoonal Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 wow! sounds like so much fun! i hope you have a fabulous time:) what a wondeful way to get on with your life...amusment parks with friends and family that love you:) have fun!
Billy Bob Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 And last night, I actually found her online. I don't know for sure, but I had an unusual number of hits on my website from Kentucky, and one city in particular. I knew her first name and what type of work she does for a living, and took a shot at Google. I found her immediately. She's not pretty (and I'm not saying that from a bitter perspective), she's boring (her blog is in all caps and talks about string theory in a way that isn't exciting), and she's insanely big on Ron Paul (which I can't see the ex tolerating for very long at all). I didn't feel the need to get her phone number or address, and I'm not even going to tell my friends where her site is, because they'll go there seeking revenge that I don't want. But think about it- she's googling me. She's looking at my site, probably reading my blog, and trying to find out who I am. And I'm not hiding. Yeah pretty easy to find when you google "myspace, string theory, kentucky"
Author Intricategirl Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 Whoops. I truly didn't mean to put that much info in the post. That being said, I'm not hiding his secrets anymore (and they are many). If that's who he's in love with, then he should take her out some more (and see if she scares villagers and small children).
Athena Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Yeah pretty easy to find when you google "myspace, string theory, kentucky" Lol, I did this too, and found her with her string theory all in caps... before I read your post ... actually I typed in Kentucky, String theory, Ron Paul... err, yeah... not a good looking OW at all!
Author Intricategirl Posted April 24, 2009 Author Posted April 24, 2009 He's happy, he's in love, and he's fixed. So at least kids aren't an option. Just as fair warning to everyone- don't harass the girl or anything. I don't think anyone here would and god knows she deserves it, but the best (and only) thing I can say about her is that she got me out of a horrible marriage and took away my biggest mistake. Though I can't see them together in 3 years time, I hope they at least make a happy time of whatever time they do spend together. (And then I hope when it does end, they both live to be a ripe old age without ever finding love again...)
hopesndreams Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 but the best (and only) thing I can say about her is that she got me out of a horrible marriage and took away my biggest mistake. What a fantastic outlook! You're doing great! oh...and HAHAHA at the OW.
Author Intricategirl Posted April 24, 2009 Author Posted April 24, 2009 Well, I guess I figure that there's nothing she will ever do that will make me like her. She could cure cancer, solve global warming, and create a non-fat cheesecake- and I'm still going to think she's sh*t. But, I don't have to deal with her. I think the next time I need to hear anything about her is when my ex tells me they're moving in together or getting married so I can make sure the kids are at his wedding. But the same works in reverse. I have no doubt he'll ask about my upcoming coffee date, just like he's asked about my going back to school and how a job interview went, but it's none of his business. He'll find out how school is going when I hand him back his alimony check and tell him I make three times what he does; he'll find out about a job when I tell him I want to finalize the divorce since I don't need his healthcare plan anymore; and he'll find out about anyone I choose to marry when I choose to marry them (many years in the future). Until then, I can't see how it affects him. He went on the internet trolling for a new love, and by god, he found one- a troll...
delajoonal Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 He went on the internet trolling for a new love, and by god, he found one- a troll... LOL...Intricategirl...you crack me up...LOL:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh: i am still laughing out loud thinking of my stbx's online EA and THE TROLL !
Author Intricategirl Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 Feel free to use that line. Besides, "The Troll" is one of the nicer things I've called her. New news- I had a lovely coffee date and whether it turns into anything or not, I will always laugh my butt off over the stories, and today I got hired at a full-time job. I was really worried about it and didn't think I could possibly make it work, but I finally decided that it's time to get out of the house, and I'll figure out the difficult bits as I need to. I'm the sort of person that when an emergency hits, I'm very calm and level headed. So, oddly enough, this has put me right in my element.
delajoonal Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 i so envy you right now Inricategirl...BUT i know i will get there...i have always been pretty strong...i just got weaker the longer i was married...i depended more and more on my dh... ack!... well, PLEASE keep us posted on the 'coffee date'... p.s. i am realy Happy for you:)
Author Intricategirl Posted April 28, 2009 Author Posted April 28, 2009 I got weaker too. When I was married, I literally forgot how to buy stamps and fill out a deposit slip. I mean, basic adult functions!! And as soon as he was gone, all that strength came back. Just a few minutes ago, one of my friends told me again that I'm a "strong mama". You'll get there. You'll remember just how strong you are. Thank you. It really does mean a lot. You know, that's the biggest reason I started posting here. It seems like anywhere else on the web, it would be full of trolls- either people looking to pick fights, or people looking to pick up dates. There's really not any of that here. Just people who have never met being decent to each other. It's doing a lot for my outlook on humanity. For now, coffee is coffee. If he doesn't call, I'm not going to get upset and wonder why not. I'm just going to go meet someone else at some point. If he does call, I'll answer the phone (I'm not a "rules" kind of girl). Besides, between taking care of the kids, new job, new activities, going back to school, sorting out the legal crap, and planning the rest of my life- I'm going to need a boy that knows how to entertain himself for a little while. Not to say I can't be entertaining:love:, but that he's going to have to be sure of himself and comfortable with himself.
delajoonal Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 well, i believe you will do great in the dating department. you are every mans dream really... you have your head on straight, you have goals, a job, school, which shows you are independent and can plan for YOUR future and take care of yourself and your kids...no man wants a needy woman these days... you are certainly FAR from that..LOL:D now me...i have started to do odds and ends, stuff i always depended on dh to do..i mean some big stuff too...LOL, electrical, plumbing, etc.. all stuff i did or needed to know about when i was a property manager too...so it should all come back gradually, i am thinking, faster than i had originally thought too.. you are right about LS...these people are amazing...so many nice people who seem to genuinly care about us and how we are doing day to day:love: i too searched the web for weeks, day in and day out, looking for that special place to be able to 'break down' so to speak..LOL and well, LS was it...i love it here!
Author Intricategirl Posted April 29, 2009 Author Posted April 29, 2009 I'm only leaving this up long enough for you to notice it, so make sure you let me know when you see the message- I'm not a premium member so I can't contact you or anything, but I do want to keep in touch and have those woman-to-woman talks you talked about. Leave a message at [email protected], and I'll get you my actual email address (this is a rarely used, often spammed address).
delajoonal Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 got it...i will email you tonight....looking forward to our talks...we have alot in common and chat easily... talk soon.. T*
Author Intricategirl Posted April 29, 2009 Author Posted April 29, 2009 Ahhh, dangit! Can't edit. The board is smarter than I am. Oh well. Like I said, it's a mostly abandoned email address anyway. lol
PWSX3 Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 Cool, then us old guys can get in on the chat???? ROFMLAO!!!!!
Author Intricategirl Posted April 29, 2009 Author Posted April 29, 2009 You can if I answer the email. ;)
PWSX3 Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 You can if I answer the email. ;) :laugh::lmao: You gals are a hoot, it would be fun to get together with some of the people on here.......
delajoonal Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 intricategirl... i think we can send our email address and messages to each other via the LS Private Messaging system...go to your profile and click on Private Messages...than we can go from there? OR i can do that, and send you MY email that way...LOL.. oh, PWS...you crack me up too... would love to have some great chats with you and Intricategirl and Searcher..i wonder where Searcher went? hope she is OK? haven't seen her post in a while now? anyway, there are alot of us with such similar stories and more so just the way we view certain situations and issues...i think us 3 do have alot in common and get along great! ..i was saying in another post, it would be cool if we could live in the same area and have weekly divorce group discussions..you know...i bet we would all be laughing instead of crying at the end of each meeting..LOL... anyway....
PWSX3 Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 I think the one thing we all have in common when we come here is we want to make our lives better. Sure maybe at first you we were trying to figure out what happened but I know in my situation what I wanted when I first came here isn't what I want now..... I feel if a person looks at themselves then they see life a lot different.... Yes it would be fun to go out with you gals just for a good time...
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