Bernie Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Hello My ex girlfriend and I broke up two months ago. In the first month after the break up I did all the mistakes: begging, calling thousand times, zillion text messages... There was no fights or rude words. I was polite and sweet in all the communications. She replyed me in the first two weeks after the break up, but she began no contact in the third one. I continued to sending text messages with no reply. I started to read some eBooks and this great forum, where everyone suggest no contact. I suddenly stop to contact her one month ago. I didn't tell her my NC intentions. I was sending one "How was your day?" sms one day and the next I was in strict NC. After two weeks of NC she send me a text message. She told me "Did you call me right now?" I didn't call her. Maybe she was trying to initiate contact. I wait two days to reply. I replyed with a brief message "No, I didn't call you. Everything's fine? Regards". She replyed me three minutes after with a long text message told me everything about her college projects and arguing she's very busy. I replyed her with a short "Your projects sound great. Good luck. Hope you're fine. Take care". She didn't reply. She sent me these two messages two weeks ago. She broke my 30 days of NC. I am in strict NC. But I really want to get back. She left me with the typical "I need space". She was fired from work, her dog dies, she started college with lots of projects, and she get pregnant. She decided to abort and during the decission days she told the "I need space" stuff. I was very supportive and very kindly in everything. We didn't fight and our relationship was very happy. I'm thinking to break NC this week or next week. This week is the last week of the college projects and she'll go to London next weekend with her classmates to some design exhibitions (she's studying design). Next week she'll have some free time, but I'm afraid that it will be late. I want to initiate contact but I don't know how... sms? calling?... I'm afraid that she ignore me, but I'm decided to break NC. Please, tell me what do you think. Sorry about the length of the post. I really appreciate your time and your help. Best regards, Bernard
SummerLady Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Hello My ex girlfriend and I broke up two months ago. In the first month after the break up I did all the mistakes: begging, calling thousand times, zillion text messages... There was no fights or rude words. I was polite and sweet in all the communications. She replyed me in the first two weeks after the break up, but she began no contact in the third one. I continued to sending text messages with no reply. I started to read some eBooks and this great forum, where everyone suggest no contact. I suddenly stop to contact her one month ago. I didn't tell her my NC intentions. I was sending one "How was your day?" sms one day and the next I was in strict NC. After two weeks of NC she send me a text message. She told me "Did you call me right now?" I didn't call her. Maybe she was trying to initiate contact. I wait two days to reply. I replyed with a brief message "No, I didn't call you. Everything's fine? Regards". She replyed me three minutes after with a long text message told me everything about her college projects and arguing she's very busy. I replyed her with a short "Your projects sound great. Good luck. Hope you're fine. Take care". She didn't reply. She sent me these two messages two weeks ago. She broke my 30 days of NC. I am in strict NC. But I really want to get back. She left me with the typical "I need space". She was fired from work, her dog dies, she started college with lots of projects, and she get pregnant. She decided to abort and during the decission days she told the "I need space" stuff. I was very supportive and very kindly in everything. We didn't fight and our relationship was very happy. I'm thinking to break NC this week or next week. This week is the last week of the college projects and she'll go to London next weekend with her classmates to some design exhibitions (she's studying design). Next week she'll have some free time, but I'm afraid that it will be late. I want to initiate contact but I don't know how... sms? calling?... I'm afraid that she ignore me, but I'm decided to break NC. Please, tell me what do you think. Sorry about the length of the post. I really appreciate your time and your help. Best regards, Bernard You have to do what you want. If I tell you not to call its going to drive you batty. I am at a point with NC that I feel fine with it, primarily as I have done all that I can do and need him to show me something in return. It took me 2 months to get here but I am here to stay until he contacts me. I say stop the struggle and do what you want. Maybe if you stop the struggle it will be more clear for you. It is for me. Hope this helps.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Just don't let false hope and wishful thinking get the best of you.
CaliGuy Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Some questions for you: What's your goal of breaking contact? Why would you want to continue to pursue (by breaking NC) someone who doesn't want to be with you? What have you done to wean yourself off this woman? Do you see where I am going with this? You need to stick to NC and go find yourself. You're not ready to talk to her and unless she's giving you signs that she wants to talk again, any and all attempts at contact with her will only serve to do you much more harm than good. If you want to a final answer or closure from her then go ahead and break NC. Let her tell you point blank that she doesn't want you nor does she want to be WITH you. Once you hear it from her directly maybe that will give you what you want. I will simply say that actions are what you believe, not words. She isn't with you, she isn't contacting you and it doesn't appear that she is moping around waiting for you to contact her. She's moving on with her life and I suggest you do the same. The more time you waste chasing the wrong woman for you, the longer it's going to take you to meet the RIGHT ONE. You need to understand that only by moving on with your life will you heal. If she wants you back, you don't have to do a thing. She will find you (come hell or high water). I can tell you that if you maintain contact with her all you will do is make her resent you more and more. Read the link in my signature for more information. Don't be a door mat here. Accept her decision, pick up the pieces of your life and move on. You will be much happier (and better off) when you do. Cheers.
Phateless Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Hello My ex girlfriend and I broke up two months ago. In the first month after the break up I did all the mistakes: begging, calling thousand times, zillion text messages... There was no fights or rude words. I was polite and sweet in all the communications. She replyed me in the first two weeks after the break up, but she began no contact in the third one. I continued to sending text messages with no reply. I started to read some eBooks and this great forum, where everyone suggest no contact. I suddenly stop to contact her one month ago. I didn't tell her my NC intentions. I was sending one "How was your day?" sms one day and the next I was in strict NC. After two weeks of NC she send me a text message. She told me "Did you call me right now?" I didn't call her. Maybe she was trying to initiate contact. I wait two days to reply. I replyed with a brief message "No, I didn't call you. Everything's fine? Regards". She replyed me three minutes after with a long text message told me everything about her college projects and arguing she's very busy. I replyed her with a short "Your projects sound great. Good luck. Hope you're fine. Take care". She didn't reply. She sent me these two messages two weeks ago. She broke my 30 days of NC. I am in strict NC. But I really want to get back. She left me with the typical "I need space". She was fired from work, her dog dies, she started college with lots of projects, and she get pregnant. She decided to abort and during the decission days she told the "I need space" stuff. I was very supportive and very kindly in everything. We didn't fight and our relationship was very happy. I'm thinking to break NC this week or next week. This week is the last week of the college projects and she'll go to London next weekend with her classmates to some design exhibitions (she's studying design). Next week she'll have some free time, but I'm afraid that it will be late. I want to initiate contact but I don't know how... sms? calling?... I'm afraid that she ignore me, but I'm decided to break NC. Please, tell me what do you think. Sorry about the length of the post. I really appreciate your time and your help. Best regards, Bernard DUDE!!! She is done with you! Grow some balls and MOVE ON! I'm sorry for being harsh but you need to hear it. There are tons of other girls in the world, why are you wasting all your time on this one who is treating you like garbage?
bluechocolate Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Please, tell me what do you think. I think that right now your relationship is over & you haven't accepted that fact.
SummerLady Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Some questions for you: What's your goal of breaking contact? Why would you want to continue to pursue (by breaking NC) someone who doesn't want to be with you? What have you done to wean yourself off this woman? Do you see where I am going with this? You need to stick to NC and go find yourself. You're not ready to talk to her and unless she's giving you signs that she wants to talk again, any and all attempts at contact with her will only serve to do you much more harm than good. If you want to a final answer or closure from her then go ahead and break NC. Let her tell you point blank that she doesn't want you nor does she want to be WITH you. Once you hear it from her directly maybe that will give you what you want. I will simply say that actions are what you believe, not words. She isn't with you, she isn't contacting you and it doesn't appear that she is moping around waiting for you to contact her. She's moving on with her life and I suggest you do the same. The more time you waste chasing the wrong woman for you, the longer it's going to take you to meet the RIGHT ONE. You need to understand that only by moving on with your life will you heal. If she wants you back, you don't have to do a thing. She will find you (come hell or high water). I can tell you that if you maintain contact with her all you will do is make her resent you more and more. Read the link in my signature for more information. Don't be a door mat here. Accept her decision, pick up the pieces of your life and move on. You will be much happier (and better off) when you do. Cheers. This is so true, actions speak louder than words, without action it all means zero. That is where I am with it......
samspade Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 You were on the right track til she texted you. You should have stayed NC. Don't break it again.
SummerLady Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Just don't let false hope and wishful thinking get the best of you. This is a great point. I have finally mastered this one. Hard to do.
Author Bernie Posted April 23, 2009 Author Posted April 23, 2009 First of all, big thanks for all your responses. You really made very good points about my situation. I know that the text messages are (probably) a false hope, but I really get back with this girl. And I'm afraid to lose any chance if I don't act. Although I know for sure that I can suffer a second heart break. Ok, she doesn't want to be with me. But I know how is she. She's a person with some problems to communicate her feelings. Even if she wants to get back with me I'm sure that she wouldn't contact me. She's very strong to do that. I'm moving on, guys. I'm happy with lots aspects in my life. I go to the gym, hanging out with friends, making new friends, I'm back to my hobbies (film photography, playing guitar), I'll go to Holland next month to spend some fun time and I know some girls who are very receptive for a date with me. But I think it's early for dating. So, I think I'm accepted my relationship is over. I don't know if I'm going to call her. Breaking NC is not a good option, but I feel that I should do something if I want to get back, beacuase she's not the kind of girl who is going to call telling me she miss me. She's shy (in the neurotic way) to express her feelings. Thank you again. Thanks for your time and your words. I keep you informed.
SummerLady Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 First of all, big thanks for all your responses. You really made very good points about my situation. I know that the text messages are (probably) a false hope, but I really get back with this girl. And I'm afraid to lose any chance if I don't act. Although I know for sure that I can suffer a second heart break. Ok, she doesn't want to be with me. But I know how is she. She's a person with some problems to communicate her feelings. Even if she wants to get back with me I'm sure that she wouldn't contact me. She's very strong to do that. I'm moving on, guys. I'm happy with lots aspects in my life. I go to the gym, hanging out with friends, making new friends, I'm back to my hobbies (film photography, playing guitar), I'll go to Holland next month to spend some fun time and I know some girls who are very receptive for a date with me. But I think it's early for dating. So, I think I'm accepted my relationship is over. I don't know if I'm going to call her. Breaking NC is not a good option, but I feel that I should do something if I want to get back, beacuase she's not the kind of girl who is going to call telling me she miss me. She's shy (in the neurotic way) to express her feelings. Thank you again. Thanks for your time and your words. I keep you informed. I hear you. You know her better then anyone. I know how it feels to know that you have done all you can do to get your point across. I know once you have reached that part you will accept whatever comes your way. That is where I am at. My ex is a lot like yours. Very shy to a neurotic level when it comes to him discussing his feelings. Its not his strength that is for sure. Do what you need to so you have 0 regrets. But know once you have done all you can you have to walk away and allow her to make a decision. That is the hardest part.
samspade Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 I'm moving on, guys. I'm happy with lots aspects in my life. I go to the gym, hanging out with friends, making new friends, I'm back to my hobbies (film photography, playing guitar), I'll go to Holland next month to spend some fun time and I know some girls who are very receptive for a date with me. But I think it's early for dating. So, I think I'm accepted my relationship is over. It is beautiful to see someone listen to time-tested advice and take it. Good luck, man, sounds like you're on your way. Breakups are sad, but I'm sure you'll have a blast in Holland with your friends.
BackonTrack2 Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 Ex & I Broke up about a year ago. Seems like longer, seems like so long ago. Anyway her birthday is Tomorrow, I am in NC, almost 1 year 1 month now. In all honestly it wouldn't hurt me to hear from HER but would I contact her? NO!! Why? Because I'm scared she can still hurt me plus she's made no attempt so I doubt she wants to talk to me. Probably the last person she expects to hear from. ON a upside, I had a dream about her few weeks back, haven't heard from her in MONTHS, hell, Years. Eitherway turns out my cousin saw her in a restaurant, (I found out two days ago) odd because my dream was me seeing her in a restaurant. Appears she's living a new life, one without me so what can I do? She broke my heart to pieces. Can't talk to her...... plus some really crazy things happened.. mainly me going mad at driving by her house (i'm ashamed I did that) Eitherway, that was what.. 1 year ago? NC ever since.... As I am writing this my new girl just called, guess thats my hint to get off this forum.... In closing, don't contact her, don't talk to her, don't do anyting, don't break NC, do nothing.
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