Spirit of the Ocean Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Hi everyone, Just wanted a little advice from you guys: I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for a little over 3 months now and there's still 2 and a bit more months left till he gets back for good. I guess the middle of the LDR is really hard cos it seems like so long ago since he left and ages more for him to come back. I still miss him every single minute of every day and as sad as it sounds I just dont enjoy doing usual things as much as I did before he left. My question is what's the longest you guys have done long distance at a stretch? We will be doing 6 months (2 and a bit more to go) but I'm paranoid we'll drift apart and it wont work out. We still try and talk everyday on MSN and Skype, but he's getting busy now with work etc so the amount of talking time will probably have to reduce. I've spoken to him about my worries and he thinks we dont need to worry but being the worrier I am, i cant help it! I'm sorry about whinging when some of you arent even sure when they'll see their partner again, but a little bit of advise will be greatly appreciated-it's just one of those days when I'm feeling really blue. Thanks heaps guys!
Island Girl Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Hi everyone, Just wanted a little advice from you guys: I've been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for a little over 3 months now and there's still 2 and a bit more months left till he gets back for good. So you are well over the half way mark. One more month and you will be in the home stretch! Whoo Hoo! Just hang in there girlie! Once you get to the last 4-6 weeks the time will fly by. And you get to start having the "reunion talks" about what you are going to do when you see each other. I guess the middle of the LDR is really hard cos it seems like so long ago since he left and ages more for him to come back. I still miss him every single minute of every day and as sad as it sounds I just dont enjoy doing usual things as much as I did before he left. The distance never gets easier. It always hurts and we always miss our "other". But it is endurable. You just have to focus on the end - the outcome - instead of the moment or the time you are dealing with now. Our relationships are always about the future. My question is what's the longest you guys have done long distance at a stretch? The longest until now has been 3 years. However, we are at 2 years and 8 months now, and we do not have a definite time when we will be seeing each other...so this stretch may be longer than that. I think we are going to have to get a visit done if it is going to be another year. We just both need it badly. We will be doing 6 months (2 and a bit more to go) but I'm paranoid we'll drift apart and it wont work out. We still try and talk everyday on MSN and Skype, but he's getting busy now with work etc so the amount of talking time will probably have to reduce. I've spoken to him about my worries and he thinks we dont need to worry but being the worrier I am, i cant help it! Focus on what you have already come through. Have faith in yourself. Why is it that you see yourself as someone that would be so easily discarded? You are unique. There is no one else on the planet exactly like you. And he loves you. So do you think he would be so quick to let you go and try to find someone else? No. Because he can't. Who you are and what you share is special. It is your own dynamic. Have faith in that bond you share with him. I'm sorry about whinging when some of you arent even sure when they'll see their partner again, but a little bit of advise will be greatly appreciated-it's just one of those days when I'm feeling really blue. Thanks heaps guys! Well, you are on the homestretch. Soon the distance will not be an issue and communication will not be an issue. So focus on that and have loving conversations - even if it is just minutes or an e-mail. Every day brings you closer to him. Hold on tight to that and start planning what you are going to do when he comes back. Hope that helps! IG
Author Spirit of the Ocean Posted April 21, 2009 Author Posted April 21, 2009 Thanks a lot for the reply IG, it did help. When I look back I cant even believe we did 3 months long distance! I guess I have to stop focusing on the 'what-if's' and focus on the 'when he gets back's'. Some days I'm ok, looking forward to July, but some days especially if he's being distant (whether it's work related or he's missing home) it upsets me and then I worry. Did that ever happen to you as well? I just want him to come back already Your story however is truly amazing and I really admire you and your husband! I know it's not easy and I really really hope you get to see him soon and the visa comes through for him asap! I've been through the whole immigration process and the wait is awful! Being away from my boyfriend for all this time is horrible so I cant even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you, but thanks so much for coming on here and helping people with your advice, it's very much appreciated!
Island Girl Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Thanks a lot for the reply IG, it did help. Good. I am glad I could. The distance is hard enough but if you add that "lost and alone" feeling too it is a nightmare! When I look back I cant even believe we did 3 months long distance! I guess I have to stop focusing on the 'what-if's' and focus on the 'when he gets back's'. Some days I'm ok, looking forward to July, but some days especially if he's being distant (whether it's work related or he's missing home) it upsets me and then I worry. Did that ever happen to you as well? I just want him to come back already I think you'd be hard pressed to find something that you could feel that I haven't felt! LOL I have been through the insecurity flame ups A LOT. It doesn't really happen so much anymore but occasionally it does on his side and on mine. Thankfully my fears are always quickly alleviated now. We both know how to just cut to the chase. One thing that really helped me (once I figured it out myself because I didn't have this forum to help me) was remembering during those times that NOTHING had happened that was different. We hadn't had a disagreement, trauma, or anything else. So thinking that something spontaneously happened and caused him to feel differently was kind of ridiculous. I had to learn to just tell myself that everything is fine until I know differently - and getting myself all worked up and emotional just caused me heartache that was unnecessary. The relationship and being away from each other was just hard enough without me adding more to it. So I would just try not to let my emotions run away with me until I could have a conversation with him about it all. Another trick is using a notebook to write down wonderful sweet things that are said. Write down parts of the conversations that make your heart soar. Then when you feel those doubts creeping in - go read that. It will transport you back to feeling what you felt at the time of the conversation and it helps so much. Your story however is truly amazing and I really admire you and your husband! I know it's not easy and I really really hope you get to see him soon and the visa comes through for him asap! I've been through the whole immigration process and the wait is awful! Being away from my boyfriend for all this time is horrible so I cant even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you, but thanks so much for coming on here and helping people with your advice, it's very much appreciated! Thank you so much for your kind words. Yes the visa process does suck. It sucks worse than most people know. You've been through it so you are one of the few who actually really do get it. It is amazing to me when people talk about immigration reform and what should and shouldn't be done -- and they have NEVER been through it. SO many people think that when you marry someone it is automatic. I hear that all the time! LOL As far as coming here and helping others; it helps me more. I don't feel as alone as I used to when he first left. I know there are other people out there who understand the things I have gone through and go through on a day to day basis. That has helped me tremendously. And being able to help with suggestions, etc. helps as well because if someone else can benefit from these years and years of experiences then something GOOD can come from them. THAT is the only positive that I truthfully really see - well - beyond knowing my husband and I love each other in a way that most people never get to have in their lives. Obviously we both have had to stay just as committed to each other through all of this. Just remember that as hard as it is for you without him - it is just as rough on his side. Don't discount that he is willing to do the distance and keep your relationship because of how he feels about you. Don't lose sight of that.
Bearandsue Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 The longest we have gone is 8 months. I think the last 2 months are the worst. I usually get depressed and really down. I have not seen him since last December. So that is 4 months. You just have to stay positive and when you feel yourself getting down, give yourself a mental kick. Talk to him about how you are feeling and more importantly, BELIEVE HIM when he says you have nothing to worry about. Just hold on girl you have made it this far. The hard part is over. Look forward to being together.
LonelyTiger Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Well, I think Island Girl has said it all! The most we've done so far is three and a half months which seems like nothing compared to some people on here (including IG!). I get really depressed at times and life just isn't the same but we both know it's temporary and that's what makes it bearable. It sounds as though you guys are doing really well and you have absolutely no reason to believe it won't continue that way......and you're on the home stretch now. Just keep focusing on the future and the time when you'll be back together. The days and weeks will go so much faster than you think.
Author Spirit of the Ocean Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Thank you all for your advice and support. It really helps to hear from other people who are in similar situations. Now that I'm in the second half of the LDR i'm just counting down the days! Bearandsue, i can understand how the last 2 months were horrible, I guess my initial worry was that the stress of doing long distance will put pressure on the relationship. Sighhh i just need to do some positive thinking! Yes, people have so many different views on immigration reform, but they cant talk if they havent been what you're going through IG. I know immigration gives a rough time-frame but my visa took 11 months to come through whereas my friend who was in the exact same situation took only 8. So hang in there, hopefully you'll be in that 2nd category, and any immigration officer looking at you guys' history would be hard pressed to not push it through!
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