miss jane Posted October 18, 2003 Posted October 18, 2003 This is a bit strange, so bear with me. I'm in a relationship at the moment, its going well, love the guy, etc etc. I'm having a normal relationship with a relatively normal person for the first time-no long distance, no ****ed up self esteem, no clinginess- to constantly deal with A few weeks back a friend of mine emailed me telling me one of my ex's (who I broke up with over 2 years ago) had emailed him wanting my email address. That freaked me out-I dont want to talk to this guy whatsoever. He was the first guy I was involved with seriously, and after I broke up with him (due to various reason mainly cause I was really interested in someone else) he went nuts. Sent me copious letters and emails full of every "take me back" cliche you can imagine, then threatened to kill himself because of me, sent me $200 worth of gifts for my birthday, sent my parents birthday cards, and here's the best bit: got a tattoo with *my* name on it. (After I dumped him) (See why I dont want anything to do with him?) Anyway, since hearing this news from a friend of mine (the ex hasnt succeeded in finding my address and I blocked all my accounts anyway) I've been plagued by thoughts of this ****wit. I'm not thinking about getting back with him-far from it. I wish he was out of my life *totally* The fact he tried to contact me means that he's still somewhere in the state, and I'd much rather him be on the other side of the world (Or dead ) I just keep remembering stuff from both when we were together and in the horrible aftermath when he was basically stalking me. I feel almost hunted again, like I did when he was sending me all those letters. The fact that I am thinking about this stuff bugs me. I know hearing that he tried to contact me would have set it off, but I'm still annoyed by it. It happened over 2 years ago, its buried in my past and I'm happy with someone else. I'd think about him and other ex's every now and then, as we all do, but this has been bugging me for several days now. Does anyone else have a reason for me being bugged by this, or how I can stop it? I want to get it out of my head and focus on my current boyfriend and my life at the moment, not be reminded of bad things from my past. I am under a fair bit of stress at the moment, I'm nearly finished my degree and I've been worrying about a lot of things lately. I also recently had mine and my boyfriends 21sts which although fun were kinda stressful. I also tend to worry far too much-the more I think about something the worse it gets. I dunno. I guess this is some kind of freudian repressed guilt coming out, or something psychological related like I'm identifying things I dont want in a relationship.I'm a totally different person now to what I was then too, and I prefer the way I am now
befuddled1 Posted October 18, 2003 Posted October 18, 2003 Life is short. What's the point of getting yourself all bent out of shape about something that happened in the past? It's a waste of time and energy. So what, your ex asked about you/for your email address. It's not that out of the blue. Perhaps he's grown up and felt badly for the way he acted in the past and wanted to apologize. I gathered from your post that you're 21, and that this "ex" did these things to you 2 yrs ago...so I'm guessing that he's about your age, so back then, he'd have been around 19. So did he really stalk you, or was he just a young guy who didn't know much about relationships and he just didn't handle the breakup very well ? Maybe you were his first girlfriend. I think all of us can look back to when we were younger, and new to the "relationship department" and how devastating a breakup was back then......how it was very hard to let go, bla bla. That said, just let it go and focus your energy on something more productive, rather than dwelling on the past. Don't look for trouble.
miss jane Posted October 18, 2003 Posted October 18, 2003 I know i need to focus my energy on the "now" and the future. Like I said, I'm the sort of person who worries about things to the point where they're all-consuming. That's what alarms me, really. He didnt stalk me per se, but it sure felt like it. I'd receive letters detailing various times and days in which he'd seen me waiting for a bus or in a certain shop or something (and I hadnt seen him) As they were coming frequently, with the emails, it felt like I was being watched and hunted. And yes, I was his first girlfriend and he was one of those people who has an extremely low self esteem-you know, the "No one is ever going to want to go out with me" types. Even if he does want to apologise or whatever, I still dont think I want to hear from him. Thanks.
dontomaso Posted October 22, 2003 Posted October 22, 2003 If he does contact you, I would recommend writing back, or he might start all over. Just tell him you are happy with your life and that you hope he is happy too. That would be the mature thing to do.
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