deathress Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Okay. I need some advice.. I am 20 years old and have been married since only Oct. of 2008. I got pregnant by my husband at 17. He was in college and we met through work. When we found out that I was pregnant he was just about to graduate. So I moved to IL with him. We lived with his parents until 08. He just joined the army. He's been in basic since February. Since he's been gone I have been a totally different person. I don't get mad like I used to. I just seem to be a much happier person than I was when he was here. I'm not sure if others have realized my change, for all I know it could be all in my head. I guess I'm just worried that time without him has made me not want him anymore. I don't know. We did not get married because we had a kid. We married because it was our decision. I guess I just don't know what life would be without him. He's the only guy I ever seriously dated. His graduation from basic is next week. So I guess I'm waiting to see how I feel when I see him again. Maybe all of this sh*t is in my head. Maybe I've been trying to be happy so that I won't miss him. I don't know. I'm just very very confused.... Any input would be helpful. TY
TaraMaiden Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 It is a great pity you are having all these conflicting thoughts in such a young head. Everything has happened far too quickly. Please, concentrate on looking after your baby and being happy now. The only way you can make any decisions on how things truly are, is when the situation changes again.
Athena Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 It's easier to get mad with someone you are intimately involved with, rather than with Others... so I wouldn't pay much mind to that. However, I sense something else in your post -- like a stirring of a change beginning to rear its head and want to look around... don't think its ONLY because your H is away... it may also be due to the fact that your child is now out of toddlerhood and less demanding and exhausting... If you are toying with the idea of looking at the grass on the other side and wondering if it is greener... It isn't ! It's the same -- grass -- just in a different location. I hope you are not tempted to start looking at other men -- and trying to justify it that your H is making you mad when he is around you? Of course he would -- who else would have that importance and power in your life? Now that H has almost completed his basic training -- what is the next step? Does he go away again? That absence could spell trouble... I mean, it's sometimes nice to have a break from our spouses, but you are already talking about wondering what life would be like without him, and in particular the way you appear to be justifying you are happier when he isn't around makes me think of a person in the pre-affair contemplative stage... be careful.
Author deathress Posted April 21, 2009 Author Posted April 21, 2009 Next he goes to AL for 6 month. As for the looking for other men, no I have not been. Infidelity is something that I wouldn't tolerate. From myself or my spouse. I've never though of cheating. When he left I felt like my soul was ripped from my body. I was miserable for about a week. Then it was like I just had to pick up and keep going. I guess it could just be that my life is so time consuming I don't have time to miss him. I'm not sure.
burningashes Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 I think you may be feeling like he isn't making you his priority, that may be contributing to how you're feeling right now about your husband. Thing is, life in the military or similiar jobs like law enforcement require people to be gone for long periods of time or work really weird hours doing dangerous jobs. It's not a easy life, and you just got your first glimpse at being a military wife, with your husband just completing basic training. You need to fill up your time with hobbies when you're not busy with your baby. It's hard when our SO's go overseas or are gone for days at a time. I got in touch with a military/law enforcement support group, because I was having a hard time dealing with my boyfriend being gone for days at a time, and worrying about him being alright, etc. They gave me suggestions of how I could help myself through periods when my bf was working and how I could also be there for my bf when his job gets difficult. A support group would be good for you, because there are also wives who deal with similiar problems with their husbands being gone for so long doing dangerous jobs. So I would suggest that you do that, because you're going to need it when he's gone for 6 months. So get busy with some hobbies, work and your baby, don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it!
voldigicam Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 It's not a good sign. I have been there. I suggest rebuilding quickly, reconnecting, explaining you want to do this rebuilding to your husband, if not why. This often works. Especially with help. The conflicted thinking generally proves the tip of the iceberg. Getting past one's own denial can be difficult. Any help available? I was in sufficient denial to not notice my ex was capable of killing me. The signs were there. I had lots of time in the hospital to figure that out. So denial can be very powerful. Oh, support systems. Important. Easier with neighbors and friends, but formal support systems work. I'm part of support for a neighbor whose husband is headed to Iraq. It's really important.
Heroic Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 In the Bible men who were newly married were exempt from war for a year so they could have time to bond with their wife.
Athena Posted April 24, 2009 Posted April 24, 2009 In the Bible men who were newly married were exempt from war for a year so they could have time to bond with their wife. Perhaps nowadays men and women bond before marriage?
Mimolicious Posted April 29, 2009 Posted April 29, 2009 You dont know how you are going to feel once he is back. I say, take it easy and live day by day for now. Enjoy your baby and let time tell...
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