anne1707 Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 I won't say it, not because I am playing some game, but because I am terrified. But that does not justify someone else having to say it first - they could be terrified too so what do you do, wait for months, years,..... Love is the biggest (and best) risk of all. In my opinion, if you cannot say it then to me that would make me think there are doubts about the relationship.
You'reasian Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 I have been the first to say it and then have it turned around on me when things didn't work out - sure it sucks, but you learn why things didn't workout and you grow. I feel strong when I tell a woman I love her and I mean every bit of it!
Jersey Shortie Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 First of all, yes, too much of anything dilutes the pleasure you will derive from it. Even sex. I don't eat steak for every meal, and I don't always want to be having sex. Maybe you aren't a very sexual person then? I don't know. I know for me the more sex I have, the more I want. I don't view sex as "steak", a heavy meat that if eaten too much clogs your arteries and is bad for you. I don't get massages every day. There are plenty of things that I love to do that I don't overdo. I don't either but if I had the time and money, I would. Because massages are really good for you. Not because I think that by getting more massages the affect is lost. When I say those words, I want them to pack some punch. "Love" gets thrown around like so much confetti by some people. To me, I am telling someone "I care for you and trust you as I do my own flesh and blood." It's kind of a big deal to me. Yet how many times have we seen someone on Loveshack say "She cheated on me....but she tells me she loves me." Maybe the words on their own are all some people need to hear, but for me, the words have to be backed fully by my intentions, or I won't say them. Well, I certainly don't advocate telling someone you love them if you don't or just for the sake of it. But if you are in a relationship and you are in love, rationing your words and expression is withholding something from your partner.
samspade Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Maybe you aren't a very sexual person then? I don't know. I know for me the more sex I have, the more I want. I don't view sex as "steak", a heavy meat that if eaten too much clogs your arteries and is bad for you. The steak was an analogy - something enjoyable for me, that's all. Nah, I'd say I'm very sexual, and my desire for it has not waned. But there is more to my life than sex, and I don't need to have it constantly just because it's pleasurable. I also believe the best sex occurs when there is some sexual tension, and if you are having it too often with the same person the tension won't be as strong. (I don't know if that makes sense or not.) But if you are in a relationship and you are in love, rationing your words and expression is withholding something from your partner. It's not rationing, really. It's saying them with maximum effect. Rationing makes it sounds like I have a limited supply. I could say it 1,000 times a day, or 10,000 if I wanted to. Where's the romance in that? I guess we disagree on this, but for me it's a matter of using the words to maximum effect, and backing them up with action, which to me is the only way they matter. When I'm in love, believe me, she'll know it regardless of how often I say it.
MissConduct Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Always the guy first! I never have told a guy first and never will. It's not about a competition or about being afraid of losing power, it is about being in tune enough with each other so that the man will feel it's safe to say it and it will be reciprocated. I would feel completely masculine saying it first. It's like asking a man to marry you. Ewwww, no way! PS rationing "I love you's" once they have been expressed is completely FOOLISH. You say what you feel when you feel it, there is nothing more beautiful than telling the person you love that you love them. There is a difference between expressing freely and becoming a coo-coo bird with "I love you, I love you, I love you" a thousand times a day.
Author Land Shark Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Either gender should say it first, when it feels right to them. As for when, I've always found a sweet spontaneous moment best. My BF said it to me atop a steep pitch while skiing, as I stood there quivering at the height, and right before I made my first (terrifying) turn. It gave me some serious confidence to make it down! Touching story. I took it for granted that you went right down. The sight of you quivering at the edge of a precipice would tempt any guy.
You'reasian Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I don't see anything wrong with a woman saying it first - but if she's holding out and playing a game, then she's not really ready for it.
MissConduct Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I don't see anything wrong with a woman saying it first - but if she's holding out and playing a game' date=' then she's not really ready for it.[/quote'] I guess you are all for a woman getting down on her knee and asking you to marry you as well? Anything short of that would be playing a game by your standards.
Author Land Shark Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 I guess you are all for a woman getting down on her knee and mmmffmm mffmrmrmmrrr mmmmfffm. Oh yeah... I'm all for that.
samspade Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 It's probably better to go by your experience and instincts versus what anyone here says they would do.
MissConduct Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Oh yeah... I'm all for that. I knew someone would take the "get down on one knee" comment and make some kind of joke. It's probably better to go by your experience and instincts versus what anyone here says they would do. And on that note, this concludes the LoveShack website existence. There will be no more posts, comments, answers or questions about any topic since it's pointless to listen to anything said on this site. :rolleyes::rolleyes:
You'reasian Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I guess you are all for a woman getting down on her knee and asking you to marry you as well? . The majority of the time, I usually profess love first - but I wouldn't be bothered if a female said it first. Anything short of that would be playing a game by your standards. My standards require women to be confident in themselves and not demeaning to others rather than scared and superficial. I have a great deal of respect for confident and kind women.
MissConduct Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Yeah but that was not the question, the question was do you also want a woman to ask you to marry you when she feels like it? Because refraining from doing that when she is ready to take the relationship to the next level would be playing a game. I have a great deal of respect for confident and kind women. I am confident that he will say he loves me first, and kind enough to reciprocate the action when he does it. Being confident and kind does not entail having to say I love you first, as a woman.
samspade Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Because refraining from doing that when she is ready to take the relationship to the next level would be playing a game. A man proposes to a woman when he's ready to propose, and hopefully when she's ready to accept. If she can't wait for him, he is probably not right for her anyway, and vice versa, since she is more interested in simply getting married than simply being with him. It is not a game he is playing, unless you consider offering half your life to someone a form of high stakes poker - in which case you may have a point, given the divorce rate in western countries. My standards require women to be confident in themselves and not demeaning to others rather than scared and superficial. I have a great deal of respect for confident and kind women. Forget it, man. Around here, if you actually live your life by your standards, you're either a misogynist, a game-player, or not "manning up" by some feminized view of manhood. There's no point in arguing. Better to have your principles and stick to them - you and the women you date will be happier for it, and you can weed out the low quality ones.
You'reasian Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Yeah but that was not the question, the question was do you also want a woman to ask you to marry you when she feels like it? Because refraining from doing that when she is ready to take the relationship to the next level would be playing a game. The same applies - I would be more likely to propose to a woman and would prefer that versus the other way. If a woman proposed to me, I would be okay with that. I am confident that he will say he loves me first, and kind enough to reciprocate the action when he does it.. That's great. Being confident and kind does not entail having to say I love you first, as a woman. Your response isn't pertinent to the statement about my standards. And with that, enjoy the remaining semanitcs
MissConduct Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 The same applies - I would be more likely to propose to a woman and would prefer that versus the other way. If a woman proposed to me' date=' I would be okay with that.[/quote'] Cool, you practice what you preach then. I would never propose to a man, just as I would never say "I love you first". I practice what I preach as well and it's not about games it is about preference! Your response isn't pertinent to the statement about my standards. Your "standards" sound more like a lazy cop out of being a man in the relationship, and if that suits you and your woman fine that's great! My standards disctate that I prefer men who want to be the man in the relationship, not cop-out men.
You'reasian Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 . Forget it, man. Around here, if you actually live your life by your standards, you're either a misogynist, a game-player, or not "manning up" by some feminized view of manhood. There's no point in arguing. Better to have your principles and stick to them - you and the women you date will be happier for it, and you can weed out the low quality ones. I agree with you.
Author Land Shark Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Chances are if women generally agree with your approach, then you're doing something wrong.
MissConduct Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Chances are if women generally agree with your approach, then you're doing something wrong. I TOTALLY agree with you.
Citizen Erased Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Chances are if women generally agree with your approach, then you're doing something wrong. I disagree.
You'reasian Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Cool, you practice what you preach then. I would never propose to a man, just as I would never say "I love you first". I practice what I preach as well and it's not about games it is about preference! . Of course you practice what you preach, Missconduct..... Your "standards" sound more like a lazy cop out of being a man in the relationship, and if that suits you and your woman fine that's great! My standards disctate that I prefer men who want to be the man in the relationship, not cop-out men. I'm sure you like nice guys too
Author Land Shark Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 I TOTALLY agree with you. That doesn't count.
Jake Barnes Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Women don't care if you love them They only care that they love you Same with men Telling someone you love them is worthless. Love is invisible and meaningless
Citizen Erased Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Women don't care if you love them They only care that they love you Same with men Telling someone you love them is worthless. Love is invisible and meaningless I love you man. Most of the time it becomes a habit anyway. It's better to wait for the other one to say it so you can blame them for starting it.
MissConduct Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 That doesn't count. Telling someone you love them is worthless. Love is invisible and meaningless Yes love is very selfish, and it is an emotion that we feel very individually. However, it becomes more intense when you can express it and it's reciprocated. I'm sure you like nice guys too Depends what you mean by "nice guys" do you mean guys with no balls? Then no, the answer is no I don't like "nice guys"
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