today was so tuff

[violeta09]

monday was our day so the day started off alittle difficult. As the day went on thought I was going to loose it if I didn't hear his voice. God this is so hard. I know its one day at a time. Just so happens this was a tuff one. I find myself wondering if he thinks of me at all or am I just a distant memory. I wanted to at least text him but I didm't . I know I have to cut the cord and look forward never back. I love him and forgetting him won't be easy. My heart feels like its been through the grinder. You can't make someone love you. The feeling is there or not. I'm just venting and getting it off my chest. Hopefully tomorrow will be easier. This is only the 11 th day!!!! OH BOY!!!!!!!

[DJMarky]

It's a roller coaster.

 

I am up to 4 weeks NC today. 4 weeks ago I wrote her an email telling her not to contact me again, she tried once, I ignored the phone and that's it, she hasn't tried again. It feels strange. My emotions change throughout the day. I had a dream about her holding hands with her new boyfriend and me running from the ocean to grab her, then seeing her holding his hands and stopping in my tracks, I didn't wake up in the best mood. It's hard to control your feelings when you put so much of yourself into a relationship. I am hoping it will soon disappear. However, the only way I can see this being possible is if I get a girlfriend, but I have a feeling it would be a rebound so have been trying to go through this myself. You aren't alone!

[violeta09]

thanks markey, it really helps to have people such as yourself write to me. I know that I'm not alone but when your heart aches this much its as if you are in a lonely universe. It feels like the pain is never going to end. However today is a brand new day and I am an optomist. Each day brings new hope for a better tomorrow. whats that saying? one door closes and another one opens. I'm taking it moment by moment. Thank God for work and other distractions. I hope you have a great day,free of pain.