heartbroken720 Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 I have been in a realtionship with my ex for 5 1/2 years we were suppose to be married May 16th. He proposed to me November. I have been the person in our relationship that took care of all of the financial responsibilities. We have been fighting lately and on Easter Sundy the S**t hit the fan...he wanted me to do his taxes for him..I told him no no no like 20 times because he is a small business owner and I cannot do his taxes for him there are aspects of the business I just do not know and I did not want to be the person taking the wrath if he owed too much. Well he got mad at me and then said a lot of hurtful stuff to me like I am a fat pig I disgust him and so on....he ended up leaving and I did not know where hre went but when he came back he was still mad...the reason I say that is because his family had texted me Happy Easter and I told him about it and he pretty much but my head off...I wanted him to know because I did respond to them I thought he would want to know. Well that night I go to bed and i wake up and realize he is so mad at me that he did not sleep in the same bed as me...I was so upset Monday I called into work and I packed up my stuff and left...I did leave him a letter saying that I was upset our relationship did not work out and that I was returning his engagement ring becuase I was thinking I forced him into it since i did give him an ultimanium pretty much saying if he did not propose that he did not love me and want to commit and I admitted I was wrong for that and I apologized. Also I put in the letter what I thought of marriage which is not only finding the person you love but having a partner and I felt as a though I have been more of a partner for him than he has been for me. I told him that I was scared of how my life would be without him but this may be for the better...we have had our problems in the past and almost broke up 2 other times...He did not try to attempt to contact me at all...we met this Saturday and he got off of my checking account and my cell phone account and that completely devastated me I couldn't believe how fast things a coming to end. Well today the bridesmaid dresses came in so I had to go to the house and I found out he had posted my engagement for sale on craigslist. I was sooo hurt I felt like throwing up!! I can't believe it!! I was thinking he did this to hurt me but I know that he is looking out for himself since he is going to be moving out May 1st.. I just want to know how I can get over this hurt!! I was so proud of myself for not crying all day yesterday had a good day at work and now this!! I want to talk to him and I want to work things out but ultimately I know that he needs to grow up..I am at the point of thinking of our future and having a family..he is too busy being in the pool league and fishing! I am 27 almost 28 and he is now 26...I think he was probably getting cold feet since he was so nonchalant about the wedding but I wish he didn't have to do it like this...I mean I wrote the letter when I was hurt but all of this is happening so fast I can't believe it! Help what should I do I am just so broken hearted and confused...I keep wanting a reconcilation but he seems content we have lived together for 5 years and already bought a house and everything...he is suppose to moving in with a friend that is getting a divorce...I am at such a loss I LOVE him so much...I can't believe this is happening!
Groovy Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 I am sorry you have to go through this. My only advice is you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink! I mean, you can't make him love you the way he should even if he is your soul mate. Some people alienate themselves afraid to take a leap of faith and make sacrifices. You can't make them take that leap. They are too afraid so they walk away from the ones they love. You have invested a lot. But you cannot make him do the right thing. He clearly has issues that are his own. Be with someone who wants to make you happy, which is not him. You deserve that.
carhill Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Hi and welcome.... so sorry to hear about such painful issues during a time which is supposed to be joyful. In the future, if you could break your postings into paragraphs, it would be much easier to read and understand for we visually challenged old farts My short advice is to accept things as they are now and allow him to digest the realm of his decision. I presume you own the house as joint tenants and both of your names are on the mortgage. You might need some help with dealing with that part, if the relationship appears done. I can say, and perhaps I'm not a good example to draw inference from, once I make a decision, I carry it out with the precision of a Swiss watchmaker. Emotion and intellect meld into one and obstacles become irrelevant. Feelings become irrelevant. The goal is all I see. Hope your guy can see with better eyes
Author heartbroken720 Posted April 21, 2009 Author Posted April 21, 2009 thank you...sorry i just stumbled onto the website but I will break the message up next time...hopefully there will not be a next time;). As far as the mortgage the hous is in my name alone we bought the house young and his credit was not up to par at the time so I did the financing that is why he would need to move out.
RecordProducer Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 II keep wanting a reconcilation but he seems content If you want to reconcile, don't contact him. Let him miss you. Don't be nasty if you have to communicate with him. Don't make him think that you're totally done with himor that you're ready to take him back any minute. You did a good thing for leaving because you felt that he was getting cold feet. I had a guy who got cold feet on me. He married me. But he wasn't committed to me and we finally split. You can't force anything. He'll either be back or you'll find someone who will love you 100%. You're so very young. Have you seen Sex & the City, the latest movie? If not, you should.
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