nicki Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 I just found out that my fiance cheated on me five years ago. We had been dating for 9 months, and he was working out of town for a few months. I suspected it, but he always denied it, lying to my face at least a dozen times over the years. He finally admitted it a few days ago. Of course, he got mad at ME, telling me that I ruined everything by making HIM admit it! We've also had a rocky five years. He lies, doesn't care about my feelings, and has been emotionally abusive. There is no trust. He is currently in an abuser's men's program, but I don't see any improvement. He still acts entitled. I love him, and want to give him a chance, but after typing this I realize he is a big loser. Of course, he is now crying, telling me that he will do anything to rebuild trust. He swears he hasn't cheated since then and would never do that again. I don't believe anything he says. Need some advice and words of encouragement. I don't know what to do.
searcher Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 Have you read some of the threads over on "Separation and Divorce". There are a lot of marriages that have seen many good years that end in disater and heartache. How do you think that after 5 years of not being able to even trust your fiance that the future wont be a long hard struggle. It is only my opinion but everyone gets more than one bite at the cake. There is someone else out there that you can be happy with. Don't make the mistake of marrying your fiance.
Trialbyfire Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 nicki, how do you really feel about this? The more you write, the more you can shape that jumble of emotions, into something concrete.
Author nicki Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Thank you for what you all said. I've been weighing it heavily. I am so numb, and so confused. My thoughts and feelings are a jumble. Thanks for responding and giving me hope when I really need it.
sucre8095 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 . How do you think that after 5 years of not being able to even trust your fiance that the future wont be a long hard struggle. I think searcher has a good point here. I had a previous relationship for 5.5yrs and hurt like hell, but it was a good decision. At although it will hurt, it won't hurt as much as when you get married and start having kids. That will certainly complicate things in the future. Lastly, I don't think he will learn until he gets hurt himself, such as if you cheated on him or when you start to walk out the door. Certainly I don't recommend cheating on him, merely stated that fact that he's had it good by being with you. He doesn't know what you mean to him yet, but I'm thinking he's about to find out. Good luck.
shoesies05 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Move on from him... You deserve someone better than this. He gets mad at YOU because you got him to admit he F***ed up? He sounds too focused on himself. There are way better guys out there than this. And so many guys promise to change after the fact, some of them do... many of them dont. Even if he does change- will it take away the pain he caused, or mistrust you have for him? You can have someone that won't do this to you... get away from the guys that will and have.
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