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Would you rather be alone or give somebody a chance that your not really into?

somedude81

By somedude81
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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
Posted

This goes out to both guys and girls.

 

Situation: You've been single for a few months, haven't dated for various minor reasons, nothing that would prevent you from dating.

 

There is somebody you know who likes you. The person is cute and nice but for some reason you just aren't really interested. Not that there is really anything negative about that person, it's just that from what you know of them you're not too interested.

 

That person asks you out. Would you go on a date? If yes, how many dates? If no, why not?.

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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rather be alone

moman Established Member

moman

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Go out at least one time to see if your "intel" is wrong and maybe you will develop something for the lady. If after the first date you feel the same, don't go out again.

Chinook Established Member

Chinook

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Actually, this sounds like a rebound situ. I would go out with the person, but I would make it clear that I'm only recently single and I'm not entirely in a place where I want to get into a relationship. As long as you are clear and up front from the start and do not mess the other person around, all should be well. But you will need to be careful because acknowledging a person's desire for you can lead to them feeling more and in the event you walk away, feeling hurt.

Ruby Slippers Established Member

Ruby Slippers

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I might go on one date, just to see. But I'd prefer to keep it on the light side -- lunch at a casual place, for instance.

LucreziaBorgia Established Member

LucreziaBorgia

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I'd rather be on my own.

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

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If I go on a date.. I would be very clear about the expectations..

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

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If you know you're not interested, why waste anyone's time (including your own)?

Sam Spade Established Member

Sam Spade

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I think that this kind of situation can hardly be resolved with a single date --> for someone you're hesitant about to "grow on you", you really need to interact way more than that. So it's tricky...

I'd say give it a shot, lightly, per some of the guidelines suggested above. Way too many relationships are never given a chance because of first impressions formed on the basis of incomplete, and often inaccurate information etc.

I went through such a process with my current girlfriend (and just coming out of a LTR and bad breakup). Initially I didn't think much of her, and wasn't that into dating in general to begin with, but now she's the cutest thing on earth to me, and in retrospect I'm glad that I went with her a couple of times before I jumped to any conclusions.

eclipseIDE Established Member

eclipseIDE

Posted
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I must be strange but some of my best relationships were with women I initially werent attracted to. It seems like the ones I were attracted to fizzled out the fastest?

 

In my opinion liking the person and having common interest is more important than being attracted to them?

 

As I got to know them I was more and more attracted to them.

Girlygirl1977 Established Member

Girlygirl1977

Posted
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If I knew I wasn't interested, then no I wouldn't go out with them. If I was just uncertain - I would go out at least once. Historically, I've warmed up to people (assuming they fit my general preferences).

You'reasian Established Member

You'reasian

Posted
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I would go out and go with the flow - if I'm not feeling the chemistry while on the date, I'd keep it light and easy; if the chemistry is mutual, then things could get sizzlin'...

Sam Spade Established Member

Sam Spade

Posted
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I must be strange but some of my best relationships were with women I initially werent attracted to. It seems like the ones I were attracted to fizzled out the fastest?

 

In my opinion liking the person and having common interest is more important than being attracted to them?

 

As I got to know them I was more and more attracted to them.

 

 

Good thoughts, though certainly against the prevailing opinion on LS, which perpetually confuses me. Basically, you can't develop real feelings for someone before getting to know them, and you can't really get to know them unless you go out with them for some time with no particular expectations. Most real life people fall into a grey area that could go either way. I understand the juvenile kick some can get out of shouting "Next!" at the slightest provocation, but I've learned the hard way that when I approach the world in a judgmental way, it returns the favor pronto :). So, patience is key.

Isolde Established Member

Isolde

Posted
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I've learned the hard way that when I approach the world in a judgmental way, it returns the favor pronto :).

 

While you can be a bit cynical, the above statement is very wisely said.

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somedude81 Established Member

somedude81

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Some of the responses are pretty interesting.

 

I don't know where the rebound idea came from. If you're single does it automatically imply that you're on the rebound?

 

I was trying to imply that you don't know the person that well, you might know their name and that's about it or you might talk to them for a couple of minutes because it's all time would allow.. So in essence you are neutral about that person. Girlygirl1977 said it best, you're just uncertain.

 

Also if you don't somebody that well, how can you know you aren't interested?

 

In my case, if a girl I barely knew invited me to do something with her. I'd give her a shot and try to find out what kind of person she is.

Trialbyfire Established Member

Trialbyfire

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If I don't know him very well and there isn't the least bit of attraction, I wouldn't go out with him. If I knew and liked him as a person, with some element of attraction, I would go out with him.

Yellowboy Established Member

Yellowboy

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The OP didn't specify who and how much I know about this person.

 

It's happened before actually. But, I already knew the person, since me, her and my friends hanged out a couple of times. I liked her as a friend to hang out with, and when she asked me out, I declined even though I was single at the time.

jellybean Established Member

jellybean

Posted
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Would you rather be alone or give somebody a chance that your not really into?

 

Well I have done that - given a man a chance that I'm not really into...only to discover that I'd rather be alone.

SpanksTheMonkey Established Member

SpanksTheMonkey

Posted
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Ive done it as well and I found that once the glamor of a new relationship wore off I still felt alone anyways cause I wasn't attracted to him.

 

And then what was worse was he was very much into me by that point which made it even harder to end things no I wouldn't do that again its not fair...

colosseum Established Member

colosseum

Posted
Posted

There is somebody you know who likes you. The person is cute and nice but for some reason you just aren't really interested. Not that there is really anything negative about that person, it's just that from what you know of them you're not too interested.

 

That person asks you out. Would you go on a date? If yes, how many dates? If no, why not?.

 

Yes I would go on the date. Bolded/italics explain it all; a chance to get to know someone better. What more can be asked for?

neowulf Established Member

neowulf

Posted
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I think if there's no attraction from the start and you're sure that the other person is keen, you shouldn't lead them on.

 

Going out for a coffee with someone who's company you enjoy is one thing, but it's cruel to lead someone on.

 

That said, I suspect many lonely people sometimes fall into the trap of wanting to be wanted, so inevitability end up stringing people along for the ego stroking.

 

Yes, I'm that cynical ;)

xpaperxcutx Established Member

xpaperxcutx

Posted
Posted

I would actually not go out with them. I'll prefer to stay on friendly terms, but I don't lead them into thinking I'm interested. It would just get too messy.

serial muse Established Member

serial muse

Posted
Posted
I approach the world in a judgmental way, it returns the favor pronto :).

 

I rather like this too.

 

However...to the OP - I have to admit that my instinct is not to go out with the person. That's because the few times I have gone ahead and gone on the date, it didn't work out well. I'm an introvert so it can take quite an effort on my part to put myself out there and make conversations with strangers. But it helps a lot if I'm genuinely interested in/attracted to the person; somehow that smoothes the way for me.

 

That said, if I were single I might do it anyway, because I feel like I "should." But I wouldn't like it. :p

eclipseIDE Established Member

eclipseIDE

Posted
Posted
Good thoughts, though certainly against the prevailing opinion on LS, which perpetually confuses me. Basically, you can't develop real feelings for someone before getting to know them, and you can't really get to know them unless you go out with them for some time with no particular expectations. Most real life people fall into a grey area that could go either way. I understand the juvenile kick some can get out of shouting "Next!" at the slightest provocation, but I've learned the hard way that when I approach the world in a judgmental way, it returns the favor pronto :). So, patience is key.

 

I agree 100%, I think people want instant gratification and wont give people a chance. I wasnt even attracted to my ex when I first met her but I ended up spending 10 years with her.

mental_traveller Established Member

mental_traveller

Posted
Posted
This goes out to both guys and girls.

 

Situation: You've been single for a few months, haven't dated for various minor reasons, nothing that would prevent you from dating.

 

There is somebody you know who likes you. The person is cute and nice but for some reason you just aren't really interested. Not that there is really anything negative about that person, it's just that from what you know of them you're not too interested.

 

That person asks you out. Would you go on a date? If yes, how many dates? If no, why not?.

 

I wouldn't go out with them, because I wouldn't find them hot or interesting enough. Even if I just wanted some no strings sex, I wouldn't do it because of the risk of them becoming obsessed by you, or giving an STD, or getting pregnant.

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