shine_on Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Hello, This is my first post, please be nice, I have a broken heart This is the story: We started going out in March '06 in London. He is Australian and his visa was running out in May '06. But he overstayed and wanted to stay with me and he said he wanted me to come to Australia when I finished my studies and we would get a spouse visa. We moved in together in December '06. It all was amazing. We had problems sometimes, he got drunk and cheated, discovered he is a complete and utter weed addict, he needs to drink every night, was often inconsiderate, bad with money and ended up borrowing from me. But apart from that, he loved me so much and was so attentive and proud to be with me and made me feel loved and special. It was my first time living with someone and I enjoyed it a lot. We stayed in London until August 09 and I got a working holiday visa and we moved to Australia! It was great for a while. We lived with his family and it was cool. I felt that all the stress, and money problems would go away now that he was home and could sort his life out and cut back on his party lifestyle, and that we would have a better relationship. It did not go like this. Life in Australia was good. Sure we had fights, he would still drink to excess and embarrass me with his drunkeness and it used to piss me off. I felt taken for granted a lot. He didn't want to move out of his parents house with me (we had separate bedrooms, it sucked), so I stayed there. But generally there was still a lot of love between us. We travelled around in a little campervan. It was fun. I had to return to London in Feb as I have to do exams in April (next week) and I needed time to study. We decided to do the long distance thing and that I would return in May. It was going ok, i missed him a lot. We emailed and he said have faith in our relationship and that it was such a short time and we would be together soon and not to worry. He said he loved me and he missed me in emails. We had some fights as I felt that he wasn't making as much of an effort to call me, or answer my calls even though he has money and I was skint and couldn't afford long distance phone calls. Also the time difference was a pain. The beginning of the end: He turned 29, and I called to wish him a happy birthday. We were chatting and I asked him can we start the application for the spouse visa for me and that we should do it soon as it could take weeks to process. He has always always said that he wanted me to come back and on this visa. He said we should wait and he doesn't know what he is doing with his future and he has a lot of thinking to do. I was devastated, as obviously he saw his future as separate to mine. I spent the day thinking that we were over. He emailed the next day saying that I upset him when I got upset on the phone, and that he felt pressured. He said that we should wait to get the visa and that we had time on our side and that we should use it, and we didn't have the money to apply yet. He said that he was thinking about all his options and was considering moving to antarctica!!! He phoned and said that he loved me and that he did want me to come back and to have faith and be strong. He said that he felt pressured and that he needed to get his career in order and sort his life out and he wanted to have kids one day. I asked him if he saw me as part of his future and he said yes. Three weeks later, everything was cool. We chatted on the phone every couple of days, emailed and I was relaxed about everything and was enjoying my freedom. He sent me an email saying that he was really horny and couldn't stop thinking about having sex with other girls and what he wanted to do to them in very graphic detail. I thought it was a little insensitive, but wasn't too perturbed as we sometimes sent each other racy emails. I emailed him to say that I couldn't have an open relationship. I called him and he was out in the pub with his friend and we spoke for a moment and he said he couldn't really talk now, and he would call me later that night when he got home. It became 1am his time so I called him again just in case he forgot to call me, and I figured he would be at home. He wasn't and started shouting at me that he said that he would call me. We argued a bit as he was so rude. I called him later that night to aploogise and he was still out at 3am. We spoke the next day. He had skipped work, he was angry at me and didn't want to talk. We spoke on Saturday, I apologised and said that I didn't want to fight and he said that he loved me and not to be upset. And we just chatted about general stuff. He said that he was going out that night with some of our friends, and he said that he would call me beforehand. He didn't call me, so I called him, just to say hello to him and everyone else, and he said he didn't want to talk and he would call me later. He didn't call me later. I called him Sunday, he shouted at me. I called him Monday, he wouldn't answer and switched off his phone. I emailed him Monday night to say what is going on. I feel like I am being dumped, and that whenever I call, you are too busy or too tired or too angry to speak. He ignored my email. So I sent another saying I get the message, I know that its over and I hope that we can be friends, and that it hurt so much just to be ignored, I feel like you hate me. He phoned the next day and said its just not working. He cried and said that he didn't know how to tell me. He really really loves me and its killing him. And that we never know what the future will hold and maybe one day we will get back together. I asked if there was someone else and he said no. It was an ok conversation, I was just so relieved he didn't hate me. We laughed, we cried, we chatted about stuff, we agreed to be friends. I never really pressed him for a reason why he didn't want me. If he really really loves me wouldn't he want to work at it? I just suspected in the back of my mind that he turned 29 and wanted to sow his wild oats before he settled down, and he was getting all hung up on the future etc. Do you think this is the case? I emailed him the day we broke up to say "thanks for calling me, i realise that it must have been a hard conversation for him too, I feel sad but relieved that we could admit that this wasn't working" and some stuff about how I hope that we can be friends, I think he is a great person, thanks for the good times etc. He didn't reply. I emailed him two days later giving him some flight credit that I wouldn't be able to use as I wouldn't be back in Australia before it ran out. He replied thank you. He suggested that we could still have phone sex. I ignored the email, five days later he replied, "Hi Baby, I miss you a lot today, you didn't reply to my emails? I will call you tonight x" I ignored his email, and his next one and his calls and two weeks ago I sent him an email saying I was good. Kept it light and cheery; Everything was going well I just needed some space, thats why I wasn't in touch, and I said I will call you one of the days. He replied " Its good to hear from you. I miss you a lot. A lot. I hope that you will come back for a visit one day. Sometimes I feel like crying but i don't. I'll speak to you soon" I didn't call him. I can't. I may cry. I ignored the email for twenty days until last night. I replied short and brief that I missed him too, does he still miss me and I said that I meant to call but I just haven't gotten a chance. I asked him does he still have my stuff and does he mind keeping it a little longer as I am trying to organise shipping. He replied, "Its good to hear from you. I will pack up your things for you as best I can and will weigh it for you. I will call you tonight and speak to you later then. x." I am upset. I know I am being stupid. I just wanted something from him saying that he missed me, or something. I felt sick, when he said that he would call. He didn't. I shouldn't have contacted him as I feel rejected all over again. Thank you for reading if you got this far, you are a legend I guess I just want a different perspective on things. Do you think it was just the distance, that he was committment phobic, or just wanted to sow his wild oats? I am confused. I was hoping that we could get back together somehow.
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