DudeMan27 Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 It has been 5 weeks since we split and and was also the last time we spoke. While I can't say I've been doing good ( i miss her very much) no contact hasn't been too difficult as a mutual friend of ours who set us up said some very smart things based on her own experience about not speaking for a while if we are ever going to be in each others lives again. I'll admit my feelings are still there, but Im not doing no contact to get her back. There was no animosity toward her on my end after the breakup as I realize the mistakes I made and the person I was at times that drove her away. That is why, even tho I want to be with her, the thought of never speaking again or seeing each other is far far worse. Our mutual friend also told me she gave my ex this same advise and that she agreed, and our friend told her I should be the one to call. But I cant help but think if she cared at all, she would try. I was really screwed over in 2 previous breakups, and for weeks after the girl would call me and ask how im doing, or to go somewhere, and they were heartless bi*tches during the breakup. Not this one tho, and shes the one of the girls that doesnt want to contact me. Maybe she really truely doesnt care, or maybe she knows im hurt and is actually respecting me. Knowing her, it is the latter. But I've seen ex's who i thought were the sweetest person on earth do a complete 180 on me after the breakup. Thats what Im afraid of. I have been thinking about her alot in the 5 weeks and battling the sadness, the lonliness, the regret, etc. But I havent really had the urge to call. I love napping or sleeping because its the only time I get away from those thoughts. But last night, there she was. I woke up really early and couldnt get back to sleep. So I went on my couch where it was darker. I only had about 45 minutes before I had to get up for work. In that short amount of time, BAM. Not only did I dream that she was telling me she just became official with a new guy, I also dreamt that we hooked up. I could hear her voice so clear, feel her skin, and yes, smell her lotion she used. I woke up and felt like death. Im unsure if she is with someone, but thats been constantly on my mind the entire time so maybe thats why I dreamt that. Our mutual friend has told me time and time that she isn't dating anyone and that she is being honest with me. But I feel like she's dancing around something. From the week after the breakup it went from "Theres no one else, she isnt looking. She would be insulted if you thought that" ..to..."Shes with her friends, shes single"....then last week she kind of got mad at me saying "I know what your going to ask me. If shes dating anybody. Shes not. Im not answering that again But eventually she will start dating someone and so will you" Im just one of these skeptics that make up scenerios in my head and convince myself they're true. I just get these feelings. Eventually somethings got to give. I dont know how much longer I can hold out, especially if these dreams start. Its tough because my other two long term relationships I had, I was really screwed over with the breakup in both of them. And while devastated, it was so easy to be angry and play the underdog victim. This case is different. As our mutual friend put it, 'we are two people who seems to really care about each other" I really hope thats the case on her end and not just breakup speak. Because its how I feel. But, if and when I finally get the nerve to talk to her, if it makes me feel anything at all like this dream just did, Im going to have to pass. But 5 weeks has just been brutal. I used to look back and stuff and think "wow I cant believe that was 5 weeks ago, or we went there last month already, seems like yesterday" But in this case, the 5 weeks really literally feels like 5 months. I feel like we've grown so far apart, and now im just "some guy she dated"
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