Calmly considering breaking NC, months after breakup, feeling very happy with things

[a_f_w]

Hi everyone. I am considering breaking NC with my ex. The last communication I had with her was three months ago, almost to the day. I have no particular wish to speak to her myself, but I'll explain the situation.

 

I very much loved her family, and the other day I dropped some presents round for her sister's young daughter, whose birthday it was. It didn't seem inappropriate, since I was with my ex for over two years and I remember her neice being born and all that.

The gifts were appreciated and my ex e-mailed me to say thanks. She also asked how I was, and said that if I could find the time then she'd really like to hang out some time.

I also bump into her mother occasionally, and she phones me sometimes, and always asks me to come round for tea and see everyone. I have to politely decline, but it does bother me a bit.

 

Now, as I said, I really have very little interest in her any more. Certainly not as a potential girlfriend.

She left me for another man back on New Year's eve, and for a few weeks I was utterly broken. Then I started having some good days and my last bad day was, I suppose, early February or something. Since then I've been SO happy and well. Things are great in my life at the moment, and I am just so, so glad that it all happened how it did. I have zero interest in "winning her back".

 

Her new boyfriend broke things off about a month ago, if I remember correctly. I heard on the grapevine, you know. They still see each other, though, in some capacity.

It's not inconceivable, therefore, that she is reaching out to whatever comfort she might be able to find. Perhaps expecting that I would jump at the chance to meet up with her again.

 

So, why would I even think of replying? Well, one reason is that frankly I feel sorry for her. If she is sad and lonely now, then despite the fact that she made no attempt to soften the blow or ease my distress back in January, I do feel some kind of urge to make her (or anyone) feel happier.

Secondly, as I mentioned I was close to her family and they are the only part of our relationship that I still miss. I kind of feel that it is becoming just rude of me not to respond to their inquiries as to how I am, and so on. I cut contact with my ex because I needed to in order to get over her. I am so very much over her now that the only reason to continue NC is so that I could say like "omg I've been in NC for 200 days now, woooo". But that just seems kind of silly, perhaps.

 

I'm sure others have reached this stage, where you really have no further bad feelings towards your ex, no friendly ones either, and when NC just seems kind of pointless any more.

 

I will deliberate for a few days more at least, and consider replying to her email.

 

Does anyone have any input?

 

Thanks a lot

[kizik]

If you're really over her as you say, then of course there is absolutely no justifiable reason for you to contact her.

 

Plus, if you do, you may find out you're not nearly as over her as you previously thought.

 

So don't do it.

[a_f_w]

Plus, if you do, you may find out you're not nearly as over her as you previously thought.

 

So don't do it.

 

That's a concern. It's impossible for me to imagine feeling attracted to her, but what if I find myself missing her again? I can't deny that's a possible outcome of talking to her again. I can think about her all I like, look at pictures and videos, and feel no wish to be back with her. But I still don't really know what would happen if I replied to this email and started talking to her again.

[kizik]

The answer is easy to see.

 

Don't talk to her, at all, for any reason.

 

Problem solved.