Athena Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Hang on a second - peaceful does not mean that you have to be a doormat. You can still remove your spouse from the situation without yelling, screaming, and creating a whole lot of drama. That's what I mean by peaceful. Maybe I just grew up differently than a lot of people here, but I learned plenty of lessons growing up without being screamed at etc. If my husband flips out on me I am LESS likely to "learn anything from it". Doesn't mean he has to be a doormat about the issue - he can still express whatever he needs to express and consequences can still occur. Just wanted to point that out. Sure, yes. Without the screaming and yelling.
NoIDidn't Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Hang on a second - peaceful does not mean that you have to be a doormat. You can still remove your spouse from the situation without yelling, screaming, and creating a whole lot of drama. That's what I mean by peaceful. Maybe I just grew up differently than a lot of people here, but I learned plenty of lessons growing up without being screamed at etc. If my husband flips out on me I am LESS likely to "learn anything from it". Doesn't mean he has to be a doormat about the issue - he can still express whatever he needs to express and consequences can still occur. Just wanted to point that out. I agree and I was going to post something to the effect about not being a doormat, but the OP bowed out. And I agree that one doesn't have to scream and argue. When I discovered my H's EA, I didn't scream and yell about it once. When I found out that he was lying to me about contact, again no yelling. I was very calm and collected and calculated about what I said and how I said it. But at no time did he ever get the feeling that I was cool with it just because I wasn't yelling. KWIM?
GorillaTheater Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I am pretty certain this thread was written by confusedmomnb... alias... Same writing style, punctuation, grammar, format, use of ... and -- spacings, and needy for sympathy...AND as you said, datura, she is narcissistic. Funnily enough, in her thread "Me of all People" the first poster right off the bat called her on a fake post! Perhaps she'll log on again under a different name? Will have to change her writing style... perhaps LS mods can check on her ISP number? Would be nice to confirm this. This is a very interesting observation. Confusedmomnb certainly struck me as narcissistic, but if you're right, my lord, how sick would she have to be to come back to the boards from THIS angle?
Athena Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 This is a very interesting observation. Confusedmomnb certainly struck me as narcissistic, but if you're right, my lord, how sick would she have to be to come back to the boards from THIS angle? Well, confusedmomnb wasn't getting the support she was looking for on her thread, and for several days just 'lurked' reading the posts as everyone was 'waiting' for her to come back and give an update... then she was pissed again when posters still saw her as incredibly selfish. She posted her last post, thanked the posters who were kind to her, then the next day THIS new thread started... several similarities struck me... I couldn't help but notice. And, since she is narcissistic, getting back at all the posters on THIS thread where she placed herself in the high and mighty seat, and got several apologies here (over nothing) must have brought her extreme satisfaction. As Datura pointed out, only a sociopathic or extremely self-absorbed person (read: narcissistic) could do this.
fooled once Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I am sorry but your inlaws are so out of line it isn't funny. There is no way I would be granting them the kind of visitation you are. They are disrespecting you and by you continuing to allow that, you are teaching your daughter it is okay to let someone disrespect you. Yes, they lost their son. that doesn't give them the green light to treat you, the mother of their grandchild, like ****. Sorry, no way you can justify that. You are enabling them to do this and it WILL bit you in the ass down the road. Set up boundaries NOW. The longer you allow them to change your daughers clothes and treat you as trash, the more and more this WILL hurt your daughter. I am just blown away by what you are allowing them to do. We teach others how to treat us. You have taught them it is okay to totally disrespect YOU and they will teach your daughter the same thing. I totally predict when your daughter is 16, and if your inlaws are still alive, they will be encouraging her to majorly disrespct you and your daughter will go to live with them.
soserious1 Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 My husband got killed when my daughter was just a baby. How old do you think my daughter was 3 and half years ago? LovieDovie24, I am not "danged intent in promoting the OW. I am "danged intent" in promoting changing how we respond to infidelity. Maybe it is just pipedreams, maybe it is folly- but my husband is DEAD---DEAD, do you understand that? He is dead because I lost my mind! Let me tell you something, I would gladly relinquish my rights as a wife to the xOW if that's what it would take to bring him back! How dare you insinuate I am making this up! Your husband is dead because he decided to get behind the wheel of his car while drunk. He could have gone to a spare bedroom or the den, he could have called a taxi, a friend or his parents to pick him up. You didn't kill him, his poor judgement did.
LuckyClover Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I'm soo sorry...I'm praying for you...I'm praying for peace and comfort...please be willing to accept it....it's there and He wants you to have it....It's not your fault, you already know that....But if you trust in God and take what He wants you to have..you will feel it too...You are blessed(find it). Really let Him in. Ask and ye shall receive.
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