Athena Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Please do not patronize me but asking that kind of question. Thank you. Laine, I apologize sincerely for offending you. Athena
SidLyon Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Hmm I'm not sure what to say here so I might just lurk from now on - unless of course there's something I just can't resist responding to. S
Author laine_B Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 In referance to the bolded part I do believe the OP also stated that her child would "never know her father." Why is no one else addressing all the holes in this story? And why is the OP so danged intent on promoting the OW's side of the story, I thought this post was about missing your husband? My husband got killed when my daughter was just a baby. How old do you think my daughter was 3 and half years ago? LovieDovie24, I am not "danged intent in promoting the OW. I am "danged intent" in promoting changing how we respond to infidelity. Maybe it is just pipedreams, maybe it is folly- but my husband is DEAD---DEAD, do you understand that? He is dead because I lost my mind! Let me tell you something, I would gladly relinquish my rights as a wife to the xOW if that's what it would take to bring him back! How dare you insinuate I am making this up!
Author laine_B Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 I was wrong about posting here. I am done now. Thank you for all those who have tried very hard to make me see this is not my fault. I hear you. Like I said earlier, intellectually I see it, emotionally I am still trying to grapple with it. Again, thank you for all who took the time.
NoIDidn't Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Why do you feel the need to do this? to answer for me, to discuss ME , as if I am not "here" reading your post. This is very rude and hurtful. You posted this in a public forum. I apologized for what I said to you. I will not apologize for what I have said to another about this thread. I didn't say anything offensive concerning you, in fact, I was quite compassionate about what you may be feeling. Maybe you need to defend yourself against the people that actually are causing you distress.
NoIDidn't Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Let me tell you something, I would gladly relinquish my rights as a wife to the xOW if that's what it would take to bring him back! That's the grief talking.
Athena Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I can imagine she still wants to ask him why he did it, and if he loved her (the OW), and all the other stuff one asks when we find out. But I could be wrong. Her guilt is twisting logic inside out, unfortunately. I think that of all the things that laine B is feeling, the "what if" has wore on her for years. I can't imagine having an argument with my husband and him never coming home because of something like this. My husband doesn't drink, but the possibility of him being in a fatal accident is always present. And I would probably forever regret that my last words to him didn't show him that I loved him. Maybe that's what laine B is dealing with. Maybe her former in-laws have used that regret against her all this time and forced her to lose herself, in a sense. NoIdidn't, in a post where a BS is left behind with unanswered questions about her H's infidelity, it can be helpful for other BS's (if not OP who has disappeared now... I think it is very sad that the years of abuse from her in-laws has made her act as if it IS her fault her H died. Now, she may be reacting badly to ANY poster here -- even those trying to help her -- by lashing out at them when she feels her delusional thinking is being challenged. This is very sad that she feels 'safe' in her position of blame.) Anyway, to continue, and I certainly hope that OP wouldn't presume that we are not allowed to talk to other posters on her thread! (wow!)... Yes, maybe those are the unanswered questions any BS would have... Why did the CS do it, Did he/she love the OW/OM?
Athena Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 You posted this in a public forum. I apologized for what I said to you. I will not apologize for what I have said to another about this thread. I didn't say anything offensive concerning you, in fact, I was quite compassionate about what you may be feeling. Maybe you need to defend yourself against the people that actually are causing you distress. I was just thinking how good it was that Laine stepped up and lashed out at some of the things posters said here, which she didn't like, since it will give her practice to stand up for herself against her parents-in-law treating her like dirt!
LovieDove24 Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 My husband got killed when my daughter was just a baby. How old do you think my daughter was 3 and half years ago? LovieDovie24, I am not "danged intent in promoting the OW. I am "danged intent" in promoting changing how we respond to infidelity. Maybe it is just pipedreams, maybe it is folly- but my husband is DEAD---DEAD, do you understand that? He is dead because I lost my mind! Let me tell you something, I would gladly relinquish my rights as a wife to the xOW if that's what it would take to bring him back! How dare you insinuate I am making this up! I did not insert my opinion solely based on what you posted but moreso on what I have gathered after reading these threads for awhile. A lot of people have multiple "aliases" and start made up threads to get in on different angles of the affair. They figure, no one is going to give me the answers I want this way, so let me try it a different way. I apologize for using a Loveshack "statistic" to hurt you if you are indeed sincere.
NoIDidn't Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I was just thinking how good it was that Laine stepped up and lashed out at some of the things posters said here, which she didn't like, since it will give her practice to stand up for herself against her parents-in-law treating her like dirt! I was thinking the same thing. She obviously has a backbone. Now she just needs to use it in real life against people that are obviously causing her psychic harm.
Athena Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I did not insert my opinion solely based on what you posted but moreso on what I have gathered after reading these threads for awhile. A lot of people have multiple "aliases" and start made up threads to get in on different angles of the affair. They figure, no one is going to give me the answers I want this way, so let me try it a different way. I apologize for using a Loveshack "statistic" to hurt you if you are indeed sincere. Oh my gosh, all these apologies... and NONE of us intended to offend her! Hmm, this is not normal, is it? How can a poster be so pissed with others? Can it be she is bringing with her unresolved issues from years of abuse? Something is very off about the whole response... but... hopefully, as I said before, she got something useful out of the practice of smacking others down.
Tired03 Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I think i understand what laine_b is saying. laine_b, though I don't believe you truly should harbor any guilt about what happened, I DO understand advocating for peaceful solutions, even to things like infidelity. Life is too precious, too short, and anger often only harms us, not the person that we are angry with. I understand letting your daughter have a relationship with her grandparents, even though it must be quite hard for you - I'm sure eventually they will also get over their hurt and anger over the situation and will realize the error of their ways. It must hurt terribly to lose a child, and someone needs to take the blame - often that blame is misplaced in a situation where people grieve. I hear you. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
datura_noir Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Ok...I am going to go out on a limb here and say what everyone else has wanted to, but may have been afraid.... I beleive the OP is posting newly in response to the recent threads here on blame, etc..... AND that the OP is most likely an OW; who has fabricated an elaborate story (which noone can prove to be untrue) in which the betrayed is the one who is ultimately to be skewered in the whole story.....sort of a self-flaggellation-by-proxy type of thing... I'm just sayin' what I think; I have to add, though,that such people who DO post false stories to gain sympathy are truly sociopathic/self absorbed.
jwi71 Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 He is dead because I lost my mind! No you didn't. And if you still don't accept that...consider changing IC. How dare you insinuate I am making this up! Posting on public internet forums is open to everyone...trolls stirring up trouble, and lunatics posting fabrications for sympathy...even people arguing with their sock puppets. Expect it...and expect some to question a post's veracity...
Athena Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Ok...I am going to go out on a limb here and say what everyone else has wanted to, but may have been afraid.... I beleive the OP is posting newly in response to the recent threads here on blame, etc..... AND that the OP is most likely an OW; who has fabricated an elaborate story (which noone can prove to be untrue) in which the betrayed is the one who is ultimately to be skewered in the whole story.....sort of a self-flaggellation-by-proxy type of thing... I'm just sayin' what I think; I have to add, though,that such people who DO post false stories to gain sympathy are truly sociopathic/self absorbed. As soon as she said about the OW lying prostrate on the grave sobbing... that's when it hit me! Drama - H dies, after she says the magic words Drama - in laws write her off and blame her for death of their only child Drama - OW sobs lying on grave! and this, directly after a poster said "as long as no one died" all is fine... sigh. Thank you for sticking your neck out. at least OP wont be back to tick you off...
NoIDidn't Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 As soon as she said about the OW lying prostrate on the grave sobbing... that's when it hit me! Drama - H dies, after she says the magic words Drama - in laws write her off and blame her for death of their only child Drama - OW sobs lying on grave! and this, directly after a poster said "as long as no one died" all is fine... sigh. Thank you for sticking your neck out. at least OP wont be back to tick you off... How dare you post about another poster in a public forum and disparage them and their tale!!!!
Athena Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I DO understand advocating for peaceful solutions, even to things like infidelity. You know what? When my H first cheated on me and I found him out, I absolutely sought the 'peaceful solution' and I supported him, loved him, and tried to move closer to him... I did NOT react in any negative way... BIG MISTAKE!!!! His response was simply to see that he had gotten away without any severe consequences, and to partake of three more A's over the next three years... so D-Day #2 was about 3 affairs. My advice to ANYONE faced with the exposure of their spouse's affair: make the consequences negative and painful... so they think before repeating their "mistakes" as WS love to call it... (choices)... I do not advocate peaceful negotiations! Even if you simply divorce, and OW "gets your H" as OP wished, what is to stop him from cheating in his new marriage?! He's learned Nothing!
Athena Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 How dare you post about another poster in a public forum and disparage them and their tale!!!! Yes, indeed, how dare I?! Their "tale" should be swallowed because it is so terrible that surely it must be true! Even if logic says otherwise...
NoIDidn't Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Ok...I am going to go out on a limb here and say what everyone else has wanted to, but may have been afraid.... I beleive the OP is posting newly in response to the recent threads here on blame, etc..... AND that the OP is most likely an OW; who has fabricated an elaborate story (which noone can prove to be untrue) in which the betrayed is the one who is ultimately to be skewered in the whole story.....sort of a self-flaggellation-by-proxy type of thing... I'm just sayin' what I think; I have to add, though,that such people who DO post false stories to gain sympathy are truly sociopathic/self absorbed. But may have been afraid....no, not afraid, per se. With the whole "he died" part hanging over every post in this thread, we were just trying not to offend just in case it was true (which we can't prove it to be untrue either). But then the OP started going off on us for just discussing the thread in the thread. It would seem to me that no one wants to live with this kind of guilt being put on them, yet the OP seemed to accept it and welcome it. But anyone suggesting ways to get rid of it, reject the guilt, was skewered for offending her. Obviously, if the OP can vigorously defend herself against nothing (no offenses being made, actually) - then she should be able to defend against real offenses against herself. This is why I doubt the truth of this thread. Using your thought that the OP is actually the OW than I would say that the A wasn't over at all and that's why the OW was sobbing over his grave. By the OPs info, he died three and a half years ago and the child is 5 years old. Then that would mean that the child was 1-and-a-half when he told her of the affair that had been over with for almost two years (OP said it only last three months while she was pregnant (9 - 3) + 18 = two years). So, what OW do you know of that cries over a grave when she's been out of the affair for over two years? I'm starting to lean towards you datura. Maybe the affair ended with his death and that the OW wants to blame the BW? Maybe the OW is even a little resentful that the BW still allows "visitation" with the grandchild conceived during her affair with him? Whew! Now my brain hurts.
desertmoon Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Wow.. I would give her the benefit of the doubt. I mean, what good is it to speculate? What if it is true? What if we are contributing to her misery? Why would we care, right? She is but another a sign-on name on the net. I do agree with one poster who said that this might be a response to the discussion on blame, or intent, or some other threads along those lines. She did say she was a long time lurker. I do want to know, Athena, what song was that she dedicated to you? Does anyone know? Sorry, I don't mean to be shallow and or flippant but seems like a good song. Did she say anywhere if she is in counseling? Boy, she definitely needs psych help.
Lucky_One Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I doubted it from the very beginning. Grandparents/in-laws who have lost their son to drunk driving after he confessed to an affair very likely would not turn their back on their DIL and embrace the OW. That is NOT human nature. If they are demented enough to blame the BS for their son's death, then they would also blame the OW for tempting him off the path of marital fidelity. And what grandparents have a nanny for a part-time visitation with a grandchild? If Paris Hilton had a baby, then possibly her parents would have a nanny, but they are about the only people I know illogical enough to do that. Grandparents typically want to nurture their grandchildren - not pass them off to a caretaker when they only have them for a limited time - especially when this is the only offspring of a dead son. I think it's all bogus. JMHO of course.
NoIDidn't Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 Did she say anywhere if she is in counseling? Boy, she definitely needs psych help. In post #9 to Athena, she said that Athena sounded like her "counsellor". Most of us assumed it meant she was in counselling. If she is in counselling, she needs to switch to a better one unless she just started. She did say she is going mad. Cognitive dissonance will do that to you.
Athena Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I do want to know, Athena, what song was that she dedicated to you? Does anyone know? Sorry, I don't mean to be shallow and or flippant but seems like a good song. Did she say anywhere if she is in counseling? Boy, she definitely needs psych help. I looked the song up: Live Like You Were Dying by Tim McGraw
Athena Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 I have to add, though,that such people who DO post false stories to gain sympathy are truly sociopathic/self absorbed. I am pretty certain this thread was written by confusedmomnb... alias... Same writing style, punctuation, grammar, format, use of ... and -- spacings, and needy for sympathy...AND as you said, datura, she is narcissistic. Funnily enough, in her thread "Me of all People" the first poster right off the bat called her on a fake post! Perhaps she'll log on again under a different name? Will have to change her writing style... perhaps LS mods can check on her ISP number? Would be nice to confirm this.
Tired03 Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 You know what? When my H first cheated on me and I found him out, I absolutely sought the 'peaceful solution' and I supported him, loved him, and tried to move closer to him... I did NOT react in any negative way... BIG MISTAKE!!!! His response was simply to see that he had gotten away without any severe consequences, and to partake of three more A's over the next three years... so D-Day #2 was about 3 affairs. My advice to ANYONE faced with the exposure of their spouse's affair: make the consequences negative and painful... so they think before repeating their "mistakes" as WS love to call it... (choices)... I do not advocate peaceful negotiations! Even if you simply divorce, and OW "gets your H" as OP wished, what is to stop him from cheating in his new marriage?! He's learned Nothing! Hang on a second - peaceful does not mean that you have to be a doormat. You can still remove your spouse from the situation without yelling, screaming, and creating a whole lot of drama. That's what I mean by peaceful. Maybe I just grew up differently than a lot of people here, but I learned plenty of lessons growing up without being screamed at etc. If my husband flips out on me I am LESS likely to "learn anything from it". Doesn't mean he has to be a doormat about the issue - he can still express whatever he needs to express and consequences can still occur. Just wanted to point that out.
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