sweet_peach115 Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 My boyfriend makes his own hours for his job and rarely sees his superiors. This has lead to him not going to work at all anymore. He is paid on a commision basis so his not going to work equals no money coming in on his end. He sits at home doing nothing all day. He doesn't clean, fix things, or do anything productive at all. He watches hockey all day and makes a mess. I am gone about 9.5 hours a day for work and sometimes I will ask him to do a simple thing like pick up his dirty clothes and he doesn't do it. He leaves everything to me. I feel like when I am not at work I am just cleaning up after him. It is frustrating and exhausting!! I cannot support both of us on what I make and I am sick of picking up dishes and garbage. I have tried talking to him about this but he doesn't listen/care. I am at my wits end!! What can I do?
SoulSearch_CO Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 You can kick his ass to the curb. I'm serious. I would.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Dump his ass. A relationship is about equals, so he's sitting at home having you take of him, you better kick his ass to the curb.
colosseum Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Sounds really unreasonable for you. Boy needs to shape up quickly and seriously or get out, but seeing how he has responded, might be time for you to show him the door. Sorry to hear that though.
TaraMaiden Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 In some cases, this is an answer. In others, it is not. Why do you think you tolerate this, sweet_peach115? How long have you been with him, and how long has he been this way? I am curious as to know your side of things and reasoning, because I am in a similar situation. It would be good to have your perspective... _/l\_
Jambalaya Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Tell him you can't afford to support him. It's hard when you've got into a pattern of doing it. Simply sit him down, say you can't afford to feed him and yourself this week, so you'll only be shopping for yourself, so what does he suggest? Oh and by the way, there's such and such bill, could he give you the money for it tomorrow? Frighten him into immediate action - it's sounds manipulative, but he sounds like he either needs dumping and fast, or told he will be dumped unless he bucks his ideas up sharpish. If you make an ultimatum, stick to it. More often than not, if he actually cares for you, he'll do what he has to to make you happy. If he doesn't, that means he thought you'd change your mind and go back to door mat mode. Door mat mode aboviously isn't suiting you. Oh and by the way, this isn't nagging. This is you looking after you.
Truly Lost Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Yeah, he sounds like a deadbeat. His behavior should definately raise a concern. Do you think he is no longer interested in the relationship? I ask this because, to me, it shows that he doesn't care enough about the relationship to put any effort into it anymore. You've hit a dry spell for whatever reason, but thats no reason for him to sit on his a** all day and do nothing. Tell him that you've noticed that he has taken a turn for the worst and it's making you unhappy. Tough love should follow. Don't enable him. Tell him that you aren't going to pay for his laziness anymore. If need be, move out. You can always find a room for rent somewhere. Whatever happens in your relationship with him, you've got to put your foot down to this behavior. If you don't it will continue till he makes the decision to get his act together and leave you behind.
Jersey Shortie Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Yes, he sounds like a deadbeat. But you are letting him do it to you. What can you do? You can stop picking up his messes and let him do it himself. You can ask him to move out if he can't contribute to the house. You are not powerless here and since talking isn't working, you really need to back your words up with action. It might be tough, it might break you up, it might get his act together. But if you keep doing what you are doing you just might end up living the rest of your life begging him to clean up after himself and watching him spend time watching hockey. You obviously don't enjoy living like that and you have the power to change that.
Lucky_One Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 My boyfriend makes his own hours for his job and rarely sees his superiors. This has lead to him not going to work at all anymore. He is paid on a commision basis so his not going to work equals no money coming in on his end. He sits at home doing nothing all day. He doesn't clean, fix things, or do anything productive at all. He watches hockey all day and makes a mess. I am gone about 9.5 hours a day for work and sometimes I will ask him to do a simple thing like pick up his dirty clothes and he doesn't do it. He leaves everything to me. I feel like when I am not at work I am just cleaning up after him. It is frustrating and exhausting!! I cannot support both of us on what I make and I am sick of picking up dishes and garbage. I have tried talking to him about this but he doesn't listen/care. I am at my wits end!! What can I do? How long have you been together and then living together? Is this typical of him, or is this fairly new behavior? If this is NOT typical, then there is a reason why he is now acting like this. Depression? Does he need a job change? Does he have health issues? Things going ok with his family? Things going ok with you in other aspects?
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