Mylife Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Its a little long...sorry... So, here is what happend. The other night online, one of my good guy friend's (I'll call him Alan) messages me on msn and as usual, we talk nurmally about random stuff and so on. He is a pretty good friend but not like a "best friend". We normally talked about once a week or once in 2 weeks. Now at occasional times I did find myself just slightly attracted to him because he is very charming, but then heard around (rumours and stuff) that he had a gf so let it go. But now the other night as we were talking, the topic of relationships and what our type is comes up. So he asked me what I thought his type is and so on, so I told him what I though, (didn't describe myself, it was what I genuinely thought). He declined saying that wasn't his type and the one thing led to another and he ended up asking if I had ever been in a relationship. I have been in 2 short terms ones, (1st break was my reason on joining LS, and I have talked alot about the 2nd one too if you read my older posts). Anyways, getting to the point, he asked about my past, I didnt give it much attention because I am over them and don't like talking about them. So, I ask him back, he said he has no past, (normal in my culture), and that he is not currently in a relationship. I found it strage because he is quite charming, quite good looking and a very very sweet and genuine guy. So finally he sort of indirectly asked me out, saying, "If I were to ask you out, what would be your answer?" I was really really shocked because I didn't expect it. Now, he is a very good friend, very sweet guy, but....he is of a different religion than me. See, I have nothing against other religions, I have loads of very close friends that are of different religions, but dating someone of a different religion its just not something I see myself doing. So I had to reject him and feel so horrible about it. He is the type of guy that every girl in my school would die to be asked out by, like not the player super hot stud type, but the sweet, caring type of guy that you know you will be loved a lot by. But because of the religion difference, I said no and he was really hurt. He claimed that he had been thinking about me for a very long time, and that he had not "officially" asked out a girl ever before, (again, normal in my culture)so we didn't talk much after. This happend 3 nights ago and I haven't talked to him since. He is a such a good friend, and I hurt him......I don't want to loose him as a friend either. I am hoping he understands why I rejected him, because there is really nothing wrong with him as a guy, he is perfect as a guy. What should I do? Now see, thats not my only question, the next night one of my other guy friends (I'll call him Bob) (Bob and Alan dont know each other) messaged me on msn. Now normally I don't reply to this guy's messages because a lot of people warned me about him that he hangs out with the wrong crowd and I am pretty sure I saw a knife in his car and saw him exchanging some $300+ with some guy. So I did have my doubts, so didnt talk much to him. But then this next night he messaged to say whats up and I thought, you know, this guy doesnt know me that well, he has no idea about Alan, and Alan had just happend the night before so he was really on my mind, so I though Bob is a guy, I can get "guy advice" from him. All my other guy friends are common friends with Alan. So I told Bob a bit of what had happend (withouth giving names) and that if he were in Alan's place what would he want the girl to do. So Bob asked me why I rejected Alan and I told him. Bob didn't answer, and I asked where he was, and guess what he says, "there goes my chance of asking you out". I was shocked out of my brains! Bob is of the same religion as Alan, which again is different from me and I would never even date Bob even if he were of the same religion! Now Bob is model material hot, and his "bad guy" thing got me attracted to him a long time ago, but I obviously brushed it off because I knew he was danger. So I said NO to Bob as well and he claimed he has liked me for a whole year now. So pretty much he is super upset, and plus, I am scared of him now. So I never got any "advice" about Alan from Bob, instead things got worse!! See I am young, and have been in 2 short term relationships, and both were something that just happend, so no asking out dating sorta thing. First one was that he was like my best friend, and walking down the street we just ended up holding hands and just knew after that and the second we met on an online dating site. So, technically this is the first time that I have been "officially" asked out on a date and it happens twice, 2 nights in a row, first one I would like want to date so bad and second I am just scared of now. I know I hurt both pretty bad, and I have a horrible knot in my stomach. I am worried about Alan, I really want him ok and I really want to avoid Bob because I am really scared of him. I can't date either, and have rejected both but I would do anything to date Alan, but I know I can't!! What do I do?
Author Mylife Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 I'd really like some input...I am not feeling too good about myself right now.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Just leave Alan alone. You didn't explain why you rejected him, so he's avoiding you. Just give him some time to get better. You're really not responsible for his feeling ( although you'd probably hurt him). Are you sure you don't like him?
Author Mylife Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 Thanks for the reply PaperCut. And when Alan asked me, I did explain to him why I rejected him I just don't know if he understood what I mean. So thats why I feel I should talk to him. But then again I dont want to be the bitch that rejects him and then goes and talks to him about it to make sure he is ok and stuff... And as for liking him, any girl would like him. I know like some 1000 girls that find him really charming, very attractive and a very very sweet personality, yet I can't date him...he would have been like the perfect guy for me!!
xpaperxcutx Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Thanks for the reply PaperCut. And when Alan asked me, I did explain to him why I rejected him I just don't know if he understood what I mean. So thats why I feel I should talk to him. But then again I dont want to be the bitch that rejects him and then goes and talks to him about it to make sure he is ok and stuff... And as for liking him, any girl would like him. I know like some 1000 girls that find him really charming, very attractive and a very very sweet personality, yet I can't date him...he would have been like the perfect guy for me!! You don't have to ask him about whether he understood or not, he'll just resent you for it. So out of those 1000 girls, he chose to ask you out. Are you certain it isn't because you feel that there are too many competition? If your religious views truly makes it impossible for you to date people of a different religion, then there's really nothing you can do about it.
MN randomguy Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 This is harder not knowing what religion you are... But, most major religions prohibit dating outside of their religion. I feel that if you dropped Alan an email (you could maybe give him a little time for emotions to subside, 3 days or so) and just said, I don't want to hurt you. I think that you're great, attractive I like your personality and the one reason I don't want to date you is that our religions are different. (don't call him a nice guy, ever!) I think he'd feel better. It could improve the friendship if it took the boy/girl tension out of it. *As a side note, your guy friend may come to you for girl advice and you have no right to be jealous about that. Bob, thugs don't think much. Try to avoid him and he'll probably forget who you are. If he's model hot he'll find other girls.
Author Mylife Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Papercut, I don't think I feel competition, I actually feel like no one will approve of me dating him, and there will be absolutely no future to our relationship, so why waste the time? RandomGuy, your post actually brought a smile to my face , thanks buddy!! I have been thinking about sending him an email, do you think I should ask to meet up if he wants to talk face to face about it, if it will make him feel better? Or will he be like...ok, she is a total bi**h? As a guy, how long/short would you want that email to be. And as of now, its been, 5 days or so since it happend and we have not talked since. Plus we both have our exams right now, so should I wait untill exams are done to send out the email? Also, my best friend saw him, and she is the only one that knows, but he doesn't know that. She said he looked pretty down, and his msn nick seems like he is pretty hurt too. I kinda feel like crying about hurting a friend, he really was a great friend....and I would do anything to get our friendship back! Bob, I haven't talked to either since it happend, but him I am avoiding...but am still scared of him.
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