What happened? He said he didn't feel it after oral sex? But we dated 9 more months..

[freshsprout]

Guys - what would you do if a girl gives you a BJ on the 3rd date? ( but not all the way?)?

 

I need some feedback from the guys on here - b/c my ex will NOT tell me why he doesn't "feel" it for me anymore. We dated for nearly 9 months, but in his last email - he told me he hasn't felt it since our 3rd date. So I can't figure what went wrong - so I need your help.

 

We both had a GREAT time on the 3rd date.. we went to the zoo, was very romantic and he hosted my g/f and I at his place. He was so into me, paying for everything, looking at me and just being very affectionate. On our previous date (when we had our first kiss), he said he wanted to do that all night long and couldn't bear to leave me.

 

But both of us ended up drunk after 4 beers that night after bar-hopping.. went back to his place where I decided to give him (2) pleasurable BJs. I could tell he really enjoyed them and was able to get off.... which is awesome of course. But when he wanted to please me, I said "No" b/c 1.) I was on my period and 2.) I wasn't ready to go all the way.... but he was such a gentleman that day, I wanted to make him happy.

 

Granted, that was my fault for not realizing that oral sex is pretty much sex, but I didn't want to "give myself" yet. He respected that, but then he didn't want to date me anymore. I don't know if he thought I was too easy or he thought I was a tease and now forever mad at me? We got back together after that, but it was a rollercoaster relationship for 8 months - of him not willing to commit to me, even though I was with him every wknd and even roomed with him for the last month (his idea).

 

Please tell me, I need to know what went wrong... and what can I do to fix the problem? (we've made love and dated since.. but he still doesn't want to be serious after many months) I was tugged like a yo-yo for so long and really am in pain and really angry at him now. Can you guys tell me what happened and what he was/is now thinking?

 

Thank you.

[vessv6l]

I cant speak for him but i can take a guess at what his thoughts are, only a guess though. you gave him oral sex twice after being out with him 3 times? I think he saw you as a convenience im sorry to say. Move on and find someone else who appreciates you

[TaraMaiden]

....(we've made love and dated since.. but he still doesn't want to be serious after many months) I was tugged like a yo-yo for so long and really am in pain and really angry at him now. Can you guys tell me what happened and what he was/is now thinking?

 

Thank you.

 

It very much sounds to me as if you are a physical enjoyment, but not an emotional commitment for him. He does not wish to be attached or tied down.

 

Now you have felt like this -

 

~ ~ tugged like a yo-yo for so long and really am in pain and really angry ~ ~

 

Do you feel it is still worth questioning?

[LucreziaBorgia]

There is no mystery really. He obviously likes your company and likes you - he just doesn't feel the necessary 'spark' or whatever that would make him want to have you as a serious girlfriend.

[freshsprout]

<<There is no mystery really. He obviously likes your company and likes you - he just doesn't feel the necessary 'spark' or whatever that would make him want to have you as a serious girlfriend.>>

 

LB - that's what he told me initially, but I have a hard time understanding it. For women, the spark can happen off-the-bat, however it can also grow over time. He also said that he was looking for someone that is very rare to find - but I think it's ridiculous b/c he's dated many women and only 1 women he dated for 6 months he felt that way for. She dumped him flat, it seems. Since then, he's had some long and short-term relationships, yet it seems like he left or it broke off after the fizzle went out.

 

He said he was 'feeling it' with me before we got intimate - and I could tell by the way he was looking and treating me. After that night, it all changed.

 

After the initial break up, we tried it again and he was back to courting me. I was always very attentive, complimenting of him. There was a duration when we were dating - and I know I'm a smart, fun and creative gal to be around - where he seemed really happy and kept asking me out every week. But then after 3 months, I would ask where things were going, he would pull some sh#t and said he had other women friends he needed to talk to. So we would have another big fight after and not talk for a couple of weeks. I know he had other ex'es - now friends on his FB who were interested in him. It seemed like he wanted to keep all of his options open and when I asked him about it, he said they were just "friends."

 

Moreover, I know he's had a profile on match.com/pof.com stating he is looking for a long-term relationship, even though it seems like he can't handle one.

 

So did the "sex" really change everything? I know you are right that - yes, he does like me and enjoys my company. He has said I'm one of the nicest people he knows (altho. I'm not sure if that's good) and he's done some extraordinary things for me like helping me move, correct my term papers, so forth. So he is not acting like a typical man. But I'm so pissed and distraught he's now ignoring me and treating me this way. At least if he didn't like me anymore, why can't he tell me the truth?

 

I last told him that until he figures out what he wants, I'm not going to talk to him. Unfortunately I've txt'd a couple times still trying to figure things out, but he is being an immature wank and not responding.

 

What would you advise to do? Thank you.

[xpaperxcutx]

Stay away from him. He sounds like the kind of guys who talk smack about their exes once they're done with them.

 

Maybe you just give it up to early. Did you have sex with him?

It really doesn't matter how long someone has been with another, they dcan just walk away. Which in this case had been him. He had probably only been in the whole thing merely for sexual gratification.

 

Men have been known to sweet talk merely to get into someone's pants.

[Truly Lost]

I think he likes you and your companionship, but obviously he doesn't consider you to be the person he is head over heels in love with. People can't help the way they feel. You can't choose the ones you love. I think its terribly unfair that he is stringing you along, but you are allowing it to happen. I think your relationship would have fizzled out regardless of how soon you two got sexually intimate.

 

Its better to wait awhile when it comes to sex. You want to wait because you need to reassure yourself that this person likes you, not just the act of having sex with you. Its a shame to give it up so quickly because having sex is a privledge, not a right. When you are first dating, you two have a period where you are learning about each other. Sex is for later once the like/love factor has been established. If the other person doesn't seem to be all that into you, then at least you didn't give that person the privledge to know you sexually. If sex is initiated immediately it doesn't leave too much to work for. However, I've heard a few of my friends had successful relationships after having sex way too soon. It really depends on the situation. I guess some people get lucky and other don't.

[freshsprout]

Great responses and some insight for me to ponder of... yeah, I shouldn't have drank so much that night. I probably would've come onto him even w/o it, but not gone as far. I don't know. Sounds like such a cliche what happened..