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Should I open up to girlfriend about my insecurity?

JohnnyXray

By JohnnyXray
in General Relationship Discussion

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JohnnyXray Member

JohnnyXray

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Do girls like it when their boyfriend/husband opens up to them about their insecurities?

 

My girlfriend is my world and I love her a lot, but in recent weeks I've been guilty of letting my insecurities about my weight get in the way. Nothing extreme or bad, mainly just affecting my mood.

 

You see, my whole life I've been overweight, growing up I was often teased about my weight and I didn't really have very many girlfriends. In 2000 or so I was able to drop down to 200 pounds from 300, but since then I gained about 80 or so pounds back.

 

My girlfriend is stunning, she is very beautiful and thin and when I say I have insecurity about my weight I often find myself wondering how I got so lucky to have such a beautiful girl as a girlfriend and overall I'm just insecure about my weight.

 

But oddly, at the same time I know she must love me for who I am or otherwise she wouldn't be with me. So my biggest enemy here is my insecurity and I've come to terms with that as being what has affected my mood in recent weeks.

 

So with that said, I think I owe it to her to sit down with her and tell her about my insecurity and get it out in the open. But is this something I should do?

 

Do girls like this of their boyfriend/husband?

nas Member

nas

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women love to be opened up to! if she is with you it is because she loves you.everyone needs to be reassured. i am sure that if you tell her what you have been thinking it will put her mind at ease, good luck!:)

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JohnnyXray Member

JohnnyXray

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Thanks nas for the reply.

 

Her and I have a great relationship, my weight is always in the back of my mind and I let that insecurity get to me. She is with me and I know she loves me for who I am, but for some reason that insecurity gets to me.

Els Established Member

Els

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I think an imperative question here would be:

 

What do you love HER for?

 

If you love her for who she is as well, and would still be with her if she wasn't as stunningly beautiful, then you can think of your appearance as a non-issue... because noone is out of anyone's league here; you are both with each other for the person inside.

 

If the thing you're most proud of about her is her appearance, then that would explain your insecurity. Then you certainly should discuss things with her.

bede86 Member

bede86

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ive struggled with weight too i went from around 145.5 kilo's down to 90 then back to 105 now im 95, (im like elvis hey lol). And i always thought it was the reason me and my last Girlfriend broke up coz i put on weight a bit and she was thin and stunning....But in reality we broke up due to other non related reasons, but at the same time my constant omg of so overweight why do u stay with me attitude probably contributed.

loser101 Established Member

loser101

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yes I think you should talk about it. I'm sure she is aware of your insecurity already so you won't be surprising her anyway. I'm sure you would feel more relaxed about the issue after your conversation though so your relationship with her would benefit that way

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JohnnyXray Member

JohnnyXray

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I think an imperative question here would be:

 

What do you love HER for?

 

If you love her for who she is as well, and would still be with her if she wasn't as stunningly beautiful, then you can think of your appearance as a non-issue... because noone is out of anyone's league here; you are both with each other for the person inside.

 

If the thing you're most proud of about her is her appearance, then that would explain your insecurity. Then you certainly should discuss things with her.

 

I think you totally turned what I was saying around, I love her because of her personality, the things we enjoy doing together, her sense of humor, the way she makes me feel when around her. She is amazing in every way. All of these things are why I fell in love with her, and yes she is beautiful... it is what it is. I'm not saying that is why I fell in love with her, I'm just saying that my whole life I've been overweight and I've never had what I have now..

 

I know I'm not the best looking guy, and even though I know she loves me for who I am there is still that thing in the back of my mind that knows I'm not the best looking guy out there. There are guys much better looking than me, who are in shape and looks good.. and admittedly I let this get to me more than it should.

 

I think at some point we all have insecurities and need assurance from our loved ones, mine just so happens is my weight. When you are overweight most of your life and teased about throughout your whole school life and didn't have many friends, it has a lasting effect on you.

 

Edited to add... I am working on losing weight, I'm dieting and walking every night so I am doing something about it.. but I know it will be a process that takes time so until I get down to where I want to be I'm going to have to deal with this. When I graduated high school I was 300 pounds, I got down to 212 pounds and then ballooned back up to 320 pounds. I'm not at 275, but my girlfriend never saw me when I was 320.. just what I'm at now. Even after all the weight loss, I'm still insecure about my weight.

bede86 Member

bede86

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from someone who also lost a heap of weight i can tell u im no happier now...sure its easier for me to talk to girls and go on dates etc but my overall happiness isn't that much better. Like I lost weight because I "Knew if i did id get girls and be happy" but its not as simple as that. U should maybe see someone about confidence and self worth issues, i did and that helped my personality allot more than weight loss. So then you can look great from weight loss and also be confident and have self worth. etc.

IzzyRocks Member

IzzyRocks

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Hello,

I think Bede86 raised a few good points here.

 

I would talk to your girlfriend about your insecurities- if you think it could affect your relationship in the way that you might behave etc.

 

 

I have always had an issue with my weight, or more so my confidence...I wasn't and havent really ever been over weight but I had a massive self image problem. So whatever the person I was involved with at the time thought didnt really matter anyway!.

 

Tell your girlfriend your insecurities- also try to believe that you deserve to be with her, not that you're lucky to be with her (although if she's as great as she sounds then you are lucky too!!)

 

Hope your relationship continues to be happy x x

Els Established Member

Els

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I think you totally turned what I was saying around, I love her because of her personality, the things we enjoy doing together, her sense of humor, the way she makes me feel when around her. She is amazing in every way. All of these things are why I fell in love with her, and yes she is beautiful... it is what it is. I'm not saying that is why I fell in love with her, I'm just saying that my whole life I've been overweight and I've never had what I have now..

 

I know I'm not the best looking guy, and even though I know she loves me for who I am there is still that thing in the back of my mind that knows I'm not the best looking guy out there. There are guys much better looking than me, who are in shape and looks good.. and admittedly I let this get to me more than it should.

 

I think at some point we all have insecurities and need assurance from our loved ones, mine just so happens is my weight. When you are overweight most of your life and teased about throughout your whole school life and didn't have many friends, it has a lasting effect on you.

 

 

No, no, I'm not accusing you of anything. I wouldn't know what you like in her since the only thing you stated in your OP was how beautiful she was, so I had to present two scenarios to you since I didn't know which you fit in.

 

Children are cruel. I was teased because of my skin disease throughout childhood as well. I'm just fortunate it got better recently.

 

The point I was trying to make is that, yes, it wouldn't hurt to have assurance. But IMO no matter how much she assures you, it's your mindset that has to be changed. To me, I would look at it as: You both have equally much to offer each other since those (personality etc) are the reasons you got together in the first place. So there's no need to feel inferior.

 

I do let it get to me sometimes. My bf's ex is beautiful. Stunning. But he wanted to be with me. And I'm happy to know that I've found a gem of a man who values intelligence and personality above looks. Whereas if I acted all insecure about my looks, that might be detrimental to our relationship because I think that one of the things that attracted him was the fact that I didn't spend all my time fussing about my appearance, and that I too value other things above appearances.

 

So get your assurance if you want, but don't overdo it.

Lizzie60 Established Member

Lizzie60

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Hum... you lost 100 pounds and gained 80 pounds back.. so you're almost at the same point you were before.. now...

 

Why don't you lose the weight again.. what stops you?

 

If a guy would admit his insecurities to me.. it would be a huge turn-off.. I like confident, secure guys.. even if they're overweight.

 

My last ex was overweight.. I fell head over heels for him.. he was extremely sexy and confident.. he was hot.. he was also very good-looking (face)..

 

I don't think I would have been attracted to him in the first place if he would have been insecure about himself.. :o

 

But my question: why not lose the weight if it makes you insecure?

Lauriebell82 Established Member

Lauriebell82

Posted
Posted
Do girls like it when their boyfriend/husband opens up to them about their insecurities?

 

My girlfriend is my world and I love her a lot, but in recent weeks I've been guilty of letting my insecurities about my weight get in the way. Nothing extreme or bad, mainly just affecting my mood.

 

You see, my whole life I've been overweight, growing up I was often teased about my weight and I didn't really have very many girlfriends. In 2000 or so I was able to drop down to 200 pounds from 300, but since then I gained about 80 or so pounds back.

 

My girlfriend is stunning, she is very beautiful and thin and when I say I have insecurity about my weight I often find myself wondering how I got so lucky to have such a beautiful girl as a girlfriend and overall I'm just insecure about my weight.

 

But oddly, at the same time I know she must love me for who I am or otherwise she wouldn't be with me. So my biggest enemy here is my insecurity and I've come to terms with that as being what has affected my mood in recent weeks.

 

So with that said, I think I owe it to her to sit down with her and tell her about my insecurity and get it out in the open. But is this something I should do?

 

Do girls like this of their boyfriend/husband?

 

I agree with Lizzie that you should think about taking the weight back off. I mean you know you can do it, you already proved that. You would feel better about yourself and regain confidence for yourself and your relationship. While I'm sure your gf is attracted to you know, she'd probably tell you how great you look which is another confidence booster. How did you put back on that much weight anyway? Did you stop working out? I know it's hard to keep weight off when you've struggled for so long, but the trick I use is to picture how unhappy and miserable I was when I was heavy and that I will never want to go back there again.

 

Plus, exercise makes you feel better and just plain happier.

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JohnnyXray Member

JohnnyXray

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from someone who also lost a heap of weight i can tell u im no happier now...sure its easier for me to talk to girls and go on dates etc but my overall happiness isn't that much better. Like I lost weight because I "Knew if i did id get girls and be happy" but its not as simple as that. U should maybe see someone about confidence and self worth issues, i did and that helped my personality allot more than weight loss. So then you can look great from weight loss and also be confident and have self worth. etc.

 

Well, I can also speak as someone who lost a heap of weight (went from 300 to 200) and I was much happier when I was at 200 and more secure and confident of myself then. I just ended up taking an office job after having a job that kept me physically active and I got lazy.

 

And just to throw this out, I am actively back on my diet walking 1.5 miles every night and watching what I eat. So I am dieting again.

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JohnnyXray Member

JohnnyXray

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Ya know, Lizzie is right.

 

I know my girlfriend loves me for who I am and that she is with me because we are happy together. I mean if she didn't, why else would we be together? We are happy together and we have a great time together and that is what is important.

 

I'm not gonna mention my insecurity to her. It maybe a turn off for her. I am actively dieting now and have walked 1.5 miles each night, I went to the store today and everything I bought was healthy - no junk food.

 

I am currently planning a surprise get away with her one weekend, taking her out for a romantic evening and then surprise her with a stay at a bed and breakfast.

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