searcher Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 For all of you out there...How did you know when and why you would never take your spouse back after they have left you? I know I shouldn't, but I still have the tiniest little bit of hope that my husband will come crawling back and ask for forgiveness. So I feel I should prepare myself should this ever happen and to know what I want and what the right thing to do is. Sometimes I think that too much water has passed under the bridge and it will never work and other times I'm prepared to do just about anything. I'm interested on anyones thoughts about this.
alphamale Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 For all of you out there...How did you know when and why you would never take your spouse back after they have left you? when you really don't care anymore what happens... Sometimes I think that too much water has passed under the bridge and it will never work and other times I'm prepared to do just about anything.. thats normal, don't worry about it
PWSX3 Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 You can never say never, because you don't know what the future holds. For me even though the former wife was the one that left, she was the one that filed, it was when I had to sign the divorce papers for the courts that I decided I did not want to work on the marriage anymore. I had worked on it up to that point & hoped things would maybe work out. I don't want someone in my life that won't give 100% into the marriage. I think it was my third time of seeing my counselor he made me write down a list of things I would need to see the former work on & I never saw it & as long as she didn't work on those our marriage would never change, just be the same old thing just another round of frustration.
delajoonal Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 good evening PWSX3 & searcher... funny how we all have so much in common, yet so many different stories and attributes. thank you searcher for starting this thread...i really hope more members post? i would really love to know when the BS's just KNEW it was over...referring to trust.... when did you know that the TRUST was GONE and was never ever going to be the same? did you divorce the cheater, or did you stay and make it work, but still have serious Trust issues? are the trust issues fading or getting worse as the months/years go by? i am like searcher, if my dh came back today and threw his arms around me and professed is undying love...blah blah...i would take him back??? or the other half of me says, EWWWW! you lousy cheating lying jerk, there is NO way i can ever be with you again..you cheated (EA), and i hate liars and you/he knows it, and you betrayed God, and the covenant of our marriage.... to me there is nothing worse:sick: so, there you have it...i am a mess, apparently...still..LOL i am still too confused and just a few weeks into this h***. so, what would the BS's do, or what have you done? i realize it is a very personal question and issue, but your particular answer maybe what one of us needs to go off of to make us that much stronger:love: have a great night all... take care.
Gunny376 Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 As soon as I heard the closing of the door! Once you walk out on me? There's no coming back! They had their chance! They blew it! NEXT!
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Once she burns you so bad it hurts basically ripping your heart in two and spitting in your face proclaiming her love for the OM or OW. I dont think any one could accept her back under any circumstances. I mean you can be nice later on down the road but she's basically put on ignore for the rest of your life. I mean we can all agree that having an affair is a choice. If a woman chooses to have an affair and even if they (her and the OP) are about to conmsumate the affair, she has a choice to end it. She is stronger than her feelings! I dont care what any woman says. if she's not she aint about her convictions. And if I hear from her she loves someone else on top of that. Then that would be the ender for me I'd be at the club tearing up a new piece of ass and the divorce would be filed!!!
Woggle Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 When she got up in court and called me an abuser and a rapist. That was the point where I would never forgive her no matter what happened. She could never come back after that.
delajoonal Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 wow! you 3 are pretty stong in your convictions... dang it! why am i so flippin' sappy, still crying, still saying (to mysefl of course), i love you, come home, we can try again...ack! then there are moments i sound like these posts from Gunny and chrome... solid, nope your done, i'm done, it's over! and you are ALL so right...how could i even think of taking that man back after he said those awful horrific words to my face, and i didn't even do anything wrong..i felt like a scroned child.. those famous last words, "i love you, but i am NOT in love with you anymore" ARGHHHHHH! and oh, let's not forget, he might be in love with the OW...LOL but now, as i stated in other posts, she broke it off with him weeks ago, its been over, whatever IT was...a 3 week online EA, no PA... yet, he wanted to leave me, 14 year marriage, our child, family, life,etc. for some onine 3 week EA:mad: and he loves her...OMG! LOL and he still left...so what does that say about me? SAPPY! and i need to get over him and it and move on already..right? right! so how do i EVER trust that man again...flipiant, liar, cheater, homewrecker! AND there is what Gunny said, "as soon as the door closed and he walked out on me and his family" yep, i need to keep remembering this over and over and over... so, i think i just made up my mind...i'm done.. time to move on...see you at the club chrome...LOL wait, i am not 23 anymore...LOL ok..so i will go to a divorce group instead...LOL thanks again guys...you ARE the BEST!
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 LOL good luck in your new life. That courage of your convictions has to be embedded within you. Something has to be implanted inside of you to force you to not change when force is excerted upon you. Especially negative force. It's like a snapping feeling where your heart, mind and body connect at one focal point and you say to yourself: I know what needs to be done. Or a point of self resignation, a moment of clarity. Who knows some people are born with it, some people have to work towards it.
delajoonal Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 THAT Is the key word...clarity! When oh when will i have some clarity...and just KNOW it is time to let go? but like you said, chrome, it will come to me/us in due time...right?..LOL have a good nite and hope to see you on this board tomorrow...as i look forward to your posts...very witty man, and smart...thanks:)
PWSX3 Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Ah, the emotional roller coaster ride, it is such a great ride!!!!:laugh: Another suggestion is journal, start writing down your emotions & then when you go back & look at it again you will start to learn what you really want, your true feelings..
delajoonal Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 PWSX3... i would swear you know me...LOL i was just reading and posted about your comment on the getting back into hobbies etc...i'm a seamstress... and then i read this post of yours about journaling.. oh my gosh! LOL..if you only knew... i have been journaling every single day of my life..since i was a teenager and yes, i keep them too... i have some recently that the pages are over 32 pages long for ONE day. that is how i realized that something WAS wrong starting about 4 years ago...some decline in our marriage..i went back 4 years...i found I WAS writing myself, that i wanted out of my marriage..some days.. i had forgotten all about those times... so, i want to also jump on this band wagon and say YES journal people... it can help you get some clarification on when 'things' started to go south...sometimes we block IT all out, but the ink on the pages are there to tell us the truth... also helps to write letters to the dh and OW...but don't send them...just write ALL you want, as if you are going to send them..but don't of course...it helps to get ALL that anger and sadness out too.. have a FABULOUS day everyone!
SummerLady Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 For all of you out there...How did you know when and why you would never take your spouse back after they have left you? I know I shouldn't, but I still have the tiniest little bit of hope that my husband will come crawling back and ask for forgiveness. So I feel I should prepare myself should this ever happen and to know what I want and what the right thing to do is. Sometimes I think that too much water has passed under the bridge and it will never work and other times I'm prepared to do just about anything. I'm interested on anyones thoughts about this. When I kept catching him in lie after lie, some small some big. How do you stay with someone that you can't trust. When the trust is gone the respect is gone. Then its all done. A good relationship is something that you protect. You don't put it through the grinder and then say, well I am sorry, huh? I picked a real winner:(
delajoonal Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 LOL...you and i both SummerLady...maybe our stbxh's are related..LOL sounds like the lies got to you too? i was willing to move on after the online EA...but those darn lies just kept coming and coming daily...it was like being at a firing range for lies..LOL so you are very right, once the trust has been so devastated...there really IS no going back... each day it becomes more and more clear....to me... no tears today..so far...that is HUGE! have a great night ALL!
Recommended Posts