I can't find a single guy who I think is physically attractive!

[tag2412]

I became single about 6 months ago and since then I have not been able to find a single guy (seriously) who I think is physically attractive!

 

This will be a long post, so please bare with me :-)

 

It's not that I'm looking for a male model or the typically 'gorgeous' guy-far from it. I've never actually found the guys most people think are hot to be attractive, David Beckham etc never did anything for me. I've always been as my friends polietly describe as 'picky', even back in school. I was never interested in the guys my friends were, I was the one who lusted after the tall, lanky, indie kid with the scruffy black hair.

 

My ex's weren't neccesarily sterotypically attractive but at least I found them attractive. Now, I can't find anyone who even remotley turns my head. I guess another problem is that I don't really have a 'scale' of attractiveness. Its either 'wow!' or 'nothing'. No in between. It's not that I even find guys 'ugly' or 'unattractive' - there's just nothing there. Flatline.

 

I would really like to find someone for a long-term relationship but am beginning to think I will never find anyone. I wish I could be one of thoes people for who looks don't matter at all, but I just can't! The though of being with someone who I don't find attractive is horrible. I guess my definition of attractive in my head is so narrow that it has really narrowed the field down. I have joined numerous dating sites and must have checked 100s of guys and still nothing.

 

Am I just going to have to accept being with someone who I don't find attractive? Has anyone managed to do that?? Can you 'make' yourself find someone attractive?

 

Would appreciate any thoughts/advice/psycho anyalysis on this! It's becoming a real problem! I wish I could just find all the guys that everyone else seems to find attractive, attractive! Apologies for my obvious shallowness.

 

Thanks in advance for your help

[Yamaha]

I don't know how old you are but it seems you like guys that maybe now ( since your out of school ) are not in huge abundance. Most peoples tastes in attractiveness change over time so you might be in luck as you get older.

[carhill]

Make some male friends. Time and contact has a way of teaching us lessons

[tag2412]

I'm 24 if that helps :-)

[carhill]

Tell me about a young man whom you do not find physically attractive but nonetheless enjoy his company. Why do you enjoy his company?

 

No such stories? See my prior post

[tag2412]

I met up with a guy briefly the other day. It had to be a very quick drink as it was last minute and we both had other stuff to do that day. On paper, he was everything I would want in a guy. As soon as I saw him though I just wasn't attracted to him. I spent the whole time thinking 'I could never be attracted to this guy' and couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. How do I change this mind set? Do you just suck it up and keep spending time with someone till you find them attractive??

 

Friend wise. The guys I know are just fun to be around I guess. We have a laugh and do random fun things :-)

[Yamaha]

I met up with a guy briefly the other day. It had to be a very quick drink as it was last minute and we both had other stuff to do that day. On paper, he was everything I would want in a guy. As soon as I saw him though I just wasn't attracted to him. I spent the whole time thinking 'I could never be attracted to this guy' and couldn't wait to get the hell out of there. How do I change this mind set? Do you just suck it up and keep spending time with someone till you find them attractive??

 

Friend wise. The guys I know are just fun to be around I guess. We have a laugh and do random fun things :-)

 

What was it that made him not attractive to you? His dress, hair, demeanor, etc.

[tag2412]

It wasn't a particular thing that was 'unattractive', there was just nothing there to be attracted to, if that makes any sense.

[carhill]

Friend wise. The guys I know are just fun to be around I guess. We have a laugh and do random fun things :-)

 

Are they all in relationships?

 

What age range do you prefer in men?

[tag2412]

I don't have any single friends who I would want to be in a relationship with.

I would like a guy around my age, 23-26

[Yamaha]

It wasn't a particular thing that was 'unattractive', there was just nothing there to be attracted to, if that makes any sense.

 

Do you take 1 look at a person and decide if you're attracted to them or not based on physical appeal only?

 

If you were attracted to them would things about them ( negative ) change your mind as to wanting to stay in a relationship with them even if you still found them attractive?

[tag2412]

Yes, this whole thing is about physical attractiveness. I'm sure there's loads of guys who are wonderful people. The question is, do I have to see past the physical, find one of these wonderful guy, try to get the past the fact that I don't find them attractive and hope it suddenly sparks up one day. Like I said before, I don't really a 'scale' of attractivness. All my ex's as soon as I saw them it was wow, butterflies in stomach feeling. I wish I could just find more people physically attractive.

[carhill]

Take the male friends who are in relationships..... what about them do you value?

[tag2412]

In their case, I would value our friendship. They're very nice people, they all bring a different something to our group

[carhill]

OK, I'll help some....

 

Best female friend....

 

Loved talking about girlie things like shopping, decorating and cooking. Enjoyed her sense of humor and how she could be simple yet very feminine at the same time. I liked getting the female perspective on life and men.

 

Best male friend....

 

Doing projects together. Helping each other out. Sharing the trials and tribulations of children and grandchildren together. Talking business.

 

Did you notice I said not one thing about their appearance? Both were and are attractive people and my experiences span many years, longer than you've been alive.

 

How do you bond with people? It's important IMO that you understand this dynamic so you can attract the right kind of people for you; compatible people.

 

Tell me about a person you'd not think twice about going to their side if they were in trouble. What about them inspires such thoughts and loyalty in you?

 

Has a good female or male friend ever introduced you to a man?

[nama]

I understand where you are coming from - I am exactly the same.

I'm a 27 year old female who is currently single because like you, I am 'picky'. As a consequence I've had few bfs and thus am currently finding it hard to find a man!

 

A man could be stunningly gorgeous but I would still probably not find him attractive. With my bfs, the moment I laid eyes on them I thought to myself 'Wow! He is NICE' and to the next woman he would probably only be average looking. I'm attracted to how men come across, their 'aura'. I don't go for any single 'type'.

 

But, there is hope - well there was for me even though me and him are nolonger together. Me and my ex were close friends first and I didn't even think of him in any other way than a plain friend. Then pow one day he kissed me and I realised I was in love without knowing it. Cheesy I know but that is what happened. I used to look at him and think 'if I met you in a bar/ club etc and you approached me I would knock you back'. He is a very handsome man; tall, dark and strapping! But my knees never went weak when I saw him. Ironic that our sex life was out of this world! (Just for the record we never broke up because of any of these issues).

 

So I guess my advice to you is not to worry. You're only 24. Even if you're not 'hooked' in by a guy straightaway, it doesn't matter. I used to feel the same and still do to a certain extent but as some people say love does take time and happens when you least expect it.

 

Good luck x

[tag2412]

I don't think about physical appearances with friends. That's not important. I could list loads of things I love about my close friends. My best friend (though it is a girl) is bright, funny-we share some very funny memories, she's always there if you need her, she gives great advice, we can talk about anything and lots more stuff.

 

But I'm not looking to just be friends with someone. Yes, some relationships start out that way (some of mine have in fact) Im just obviously not one of these people who can be with someone they don't find physically attractive. To answer an honest question if I meet a great, fantastic guy who was everything I was looking for in a guy but I wasn't physically attracted to him, I wouldn't date him. I know thats very shallow but I just can't resolve myself to spending the rest of my life with someone who I don't 'fancy'. And if it was reversed, I wouldn't want to be with someone who didn't find me attractive. So, how can I make myself find more people attractive??

[tag2412]

Thanks nama-it's nice to know there may be hope! :-)

[carhill]

Keep reading LS as there are a number of nice young ladies in your age group with similar challenges.

 

A good rule of thumb to remember for most everything in life is that the only variable within your control is you

 

You already have stated that your criteria for attractiveness varies from the "norm", so accept that and let go of the desire for "finding that guy". Live life.

 

What kind of men approach you?

[Isolde]

I know the feeling.

 

The type of guy that makes me go "wow!" isn't the 10/10 type, far from it (I like dorky guys) but, he usually will be above average looking. One of my guy friends that I'm somewhat attracted to has a kind of wonky face but all my friends still think he's cute. I've never had a crush on a guy that no one else has thought was cute. I sometimes wish I had a more unconventional taste.

 

A lot of people will judge you for being shallow and then go on to say horrible things about overweight women etc. So don't listen to them.

 

Just try to keep an open mind. Go on a second date with that kinda-blah looking but nice guy just to make sure your opinion doesn't change. Etc. But don't date someone you're not attracted to. It's not fair to either party.

 

To make matters worse, I don't even get approached at all. I haven't been on a date in so long, and not because I'm turning down a bunch of guys.

 

So yes, I understand you 100%!

[Yamaha]

I understand wanting to be attracted to the person you're dating but to me it comes down to chemistry. There have been women I wasn't totally attracted to but we had a very strong connection emotionally and that made me see them as very date-able. I think most people seem to have more criteria for picking their friends then their romantic relationships and that is kinda sad.

[Isolde]

Yamaha, I'm not sure I understand you. If you have a strong connection with someone but you're not all that attracted to them after some time spent together, that is not a viable relationship.

[Yamaha]

Yamaha, I'm not sure I understand you. If you have a strong connection with someone but you're not all that attracted to them after some time spent together, that is not a viable relationship.

 

Attraction is relative. If I like someone for their mind and respect them I CAN see them as date-able and attractive. It is one of the differences of men and women. A man can become emotionally attractive to a women and he can see her in a physical way after getting to know her. Women do not seem to have this capability. Either they are attracted to you or not and it never changes even after you grow to like the person. There are many levels of attraction and it isn't all about the physical.

[Isolde]

Both men and women can become more attracted over time due to the emotional component. However, seeing someone as objectively dateable and attractive is a far cry from feeling they're a good match for you personally in a relationship--not because they're not "good enough," but just because you just might not feel the desire to kiss them and be intimate with them. Do I think my girlfriend's boyfriend is cute and dateable? Sure. A good match for me if he were single? No way could I see us ever having chemistry.

 

Putting too much value on physical attraction may not be smart, but it's also unwise and unrealistic to undervalue it when starting to date someone. We've seen what happens when people put attraction on the back burner: a lot of hurt.

[Yamaha]

Both men and women can become more attracted over time due to the emotional component. However, seeing someone as objectively dateable and attractive is a far cry from feeling they're a good match for you personally in a relationship--not because they're not "good enough," but just because you just might not feel the desire to kiss them and be intimate with them. Do I think my girlfriend's boyfriend is cute and dateable? Sure. A good match for me if he were single? No way could I see us ever having chemistry.

 

Putting too much value on physical attraction may not be smart, but it's also unwise and unrealistic to undervalue it when starting to date someone. We've seen what happens when people put attraction on the back burner: a lot of hurt.

 

I agree if the thought of kissing someone is repulsive then you wouldn't date them. I am talking about chemistry. You feel it with some people and enjoy their company so much there is no one you would rather be with. Love is an elusive thing and their is no explaining why you feel it with some people and not others. All I am saying is I have had chemistry with people that I didn't find all that physically attrctive at first but we had such strong chemistry together I fell for them.