blooming Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I know already that im stupid and nieve, but i've fallen head over heels for a married man. Im 18 and he is 33, i met him at work so i see him everyday, when we first stated flirting i dont think we both intended on it getting so far but now i cant sleep and he worries me. He has been married for 2 years to a woman he met on his wedding night (arranged marrige) he says he doesnt love her and never has just got married as a part of tradition. when i first met him his wife was about 8 months pregnant and now ther relationship doesnt seem to be going the best but i love him and anything he asks i'll do if i can. i dunno what too do im hurting but i love him. He says he loves me too but doesnt know what will happen with his child if he divorses as wifey will take the child overseas. Help am i playing myself????
Lucky_One Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 The year is 2009. If he will go through with an arranged marriage, then he will not go through with a divorce. And there will be more and more children, by the way. Your mama ought to spank you and lock you in your room, and your daddy ought to go kick this dude's a$$. JMHO, though, of course.
fooled once Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 You don't love him You are 18 and infatuated with him. He isn't going to leave his wife and child for you. Do you really think he is? You are enjoying the danger and excitement of sleeping with a married man. Both of you should be canned from your job for this. I bet you excitedly tell all your friends about how cool it is to be sneaking around screwing this married guy. <sigh> Stop fantasizing about what a great life you two will have once he leaves his wife and child. He ISN'T going to leave her for you. And you don't know what is going on in their marriage. You aren't there to witness it. Do you really think he is telling you the truth? He is loving having an 18 year old girl to feed his ego.
Awesome84 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Blooming.... Don't do it! Leave him alone! Can you tell us why you are so in love with him?? What is it about him that you love?? Also, you are only 18. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't waste it on this crap. Not saying HE is crap but the situation IS. Furthermore... All I see in your story is how you love him and you'll do anything for him. And how you don't know what to do.... etc... All of this is selfish.... can you put yourself in the Wife's shoes for a moment?? Maybe then you might understand. Just because it was an arranged marriage... doesn't mean that there isn't some form of attachment. I'm sure his wife wouldn't like to be carrying his kids while a young and tender is pinning for him. Be stronger than your own emotions!!
White Flower Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 He will never leave her, his culture will ostrasize him. You're young and worth so much more. It feels like love but it isn't. Get out now.
fooled once Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 And does he have sex with his wife because it is tradition in arranged marriages? He is feeding you so much bullcrap.
Author blooming Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 We have been seeing eachother for about a year now, when im not with him i think i know it probly wouldnt work, but when i see him i totally think differently like he said to me that i have to have hope and faith, and to and extent i do but how am i just supposed to stop being in love with him. His wife on the other hand only by what he has told me i think she is using him and the baby, she doesnt work and spends his money and always worried about herself and not the baby. ohh i dont know....
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Are you prepared to be the OW for the rest of your time together? Because that is all you will ever be to him. i think she is using him and the baby, she doesnt work and spends his money and always worried about herself and not the baby. She doesn't work because he makes it possible for her not to work. Perhaps he likes it that way. As for her using him - sounds like an opinion to me and not worth factoring into the equation.
Author blooming Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 If he liked working all the time just for her to be spending the money i dont think he would be complaining. And i know what i am doing is wrong to his wife but i dont understand if he was happy in his so called marriage why would he cheat on her?? And no i dnt want to be the OW forever...
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Of course he complains about her. He isn't very likely to speak highly of her to you. The only wrong thing I see is that you are cheating yourself out of a lot of opportunities at such a young age. I've been where you are. I was 17 and with a 33 year old guy who, when the time came to put up or shut up, threw me aside (thankfully - I'm glad I didn't waste any more time on him than that). I felt what you are feeling. That intense love for someone who is trapped and seemingly yearning to be with you. Understand this: he is not trapped. He is married, and is staying married because he wants to. All the stuff he tells you, he tells you so that you will stick around. As for the last question, I've been the cheater far more than the OW (though I've done both far too often) and I can tell you this from experience: People who cheat and stay firmly married, generally don't cheat because they are desperately unhappy and want out of the marriage. They cheat because they are bored. They want affairs, not divorces.
quankanne Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 if he was happy in his so called marriage why would he cheat on her?? because he can. Because he knows there's some silly young girl who will buy into the crap he's feeding her and will give him whatever he wants if he makes his life sound pitiful enough. of course his wife is "using" him. Of course she "refuses" to work. Of course he's "unhappy" with his "arranged marriage" ... all nice bait to reel in a nice big fish. Who is currently you. tell me, what is it that you expect to happen here? As another poster pointed out, if he's willing to go through with an arranged marriage, he's not about to break cultural tradition to divorce her for some young chica, esp. one who is willing to let him take whatever he wants because she believes she's in love and is doing the "right thing" by making his life less painful/miserable. do you honestly believe that your whole life has been leading you up to this? Or do you deserve much better than this user can give you?
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