GOLDEN KEY to make a girl become attached to you

[carhill]

Why is it that when you have sex with a guy quite early on and then he brushes you off that you can't stop thinking about him?

I would surmise it's essentially the same as a man "falling for" a woman too early and expressing those emotions to her and being rejected. It's an injury to one's ego as well as one's psyche, as we all like to feel the investments of our time and love have value. To have that value summarily dismissed is hurtful to most people who have the capacity for genuine love and empathy. <The hurt is what you're thinking about, IMO and IME>

 

When a woman takes a man inside her body, that is not a superficial or casual act, no matter the insignificance some seem to attach to it. Do not underestimate the power and commensurate responsibility of intimacy

[somedude81]

Personally, I won't go past the third or fourth date if we haven't had sex yet, but that is just me. If I haven't gotten her primed and ready to go by then, I've either done something wrong or it's just not there.

So is that the general guideline?

 

If you haven't had sex by date 3 or 4 it's time to move on?

 

Now all I have to do is figure out how to have sex with a girl by date 4...

[RecordProducer]

You're talking about a consequence, as if it's the cause. If a woman falls in love with every guy she has sex with, that only means that she only goes to bed with guys to whom she is very attracted. Alternatively, the woman is unattraactive herself and falls in love with any guy who pays attention to her (I had a friend who was like this).

 

There is no such thing as: an attractive woman thinks of a guy as so-so, then she has sex with him and falls in love. Women don't fall in love because they had sex. If they like the guy and he happens to be great in the sack, that could contribute to her developing strong feelings for him, but not sex per se.

[carhill]

Healthy women

[mr.dream merchant]

If you're a great looking guy and your dick game is on point, you bet your ass they'll keep coming back.

[samspade]

So is that the general guideline?

 

If you haven't had sex by date 3 or 4 it's time to move on?

 

Now all I have to do is figure out how to have sex with a girl by date 4...

 

Just my personal policy. To each his own, I say. (Or I try to.)

 

The key is to push those romantic buttons. It took me a long time to figure it out, and I still do things wrong. Of course, she has to be attracted to you from the outset - a decision she will make subconsciously within a few moments of first meeting you. If she is, your actions thereafter will determine whether or not you lose her.

 

Once you are able to recognize whether she is interested, it gets a LOT easier, and you won't waste time on women who are not attracted to you.

[Awesome84]

If you're a great looking guy and your dick game is on point, you bet your ass they'll keep coming back.

 

:lmao::lmao::lmao: This is pretty true. But not the conclusion that she is in love.

[Taramere]

What he means is don't listen to what women say, watch what they do. Which is sound advice. What a woman says she wants and what she demonstrates she wants are often incongruous.

 

As a woman I'd be very pissed off if a guy took that approach with me. No means no, yes means yes, and not yet means not yet. If not yet isn't good enough for a man, then he's free to walk. If he does, then he wasn't strongly interested so it's not a huge loss.

 

I really dislike this attitude that if a woman doesn't jump straight into the sack with any man who's interested, it's nothing more than a game-playing device employed by a drooling moron who doesn't know her own mind and should be dealt with firmly.

 

Fair play to people who don't need to have much of an emotional rapport with someone in order to enjoy having sex with them....but there's absolutely nothing wrong with people who want to feel some kind of emotional bond and trust before they get that intimate.

 

Of course there is a middle ground, but the tricky part is the "mutually agreeable" part which validates the desires and perspectives of both parties. This is an important part of compatibility and a mature person will recognize the dynamic and decide if s/he is willing to participate.

 

Exactly. I really don't know what kind of woman would say "no" when she meant "yes". To me, it's always simply been a case of responding positively and encouragingly to the overtures when you're ready.

 

As for men who say they'll automatically next a woman if she hasn't slept with them after one or two dates.....that speaks volumes. I can see that if it's a woman he doesn't have a strong interest in then that'll probably be the case. If he's become embittered about women to the extent that he doesn't enjoy their company outside of a sexual context then it might be the case.

 

But a normal man who likes women, is strongly interested in a particular woman and has fun in her company, is hardly going to ditch her after a couple of meetings that didn't happen to lead to sex.

[Joker77]

There are other variables at play over a six month period, including how you behaved outside of bed.

 

She probably WAS emotionally attached after you had sex, but like carhill said, you have to sustain that (and not just by having sex). If she was disinterested enough to break up over text, you may have been boring her. A woman doesn't just "up and flake out" on a guy she is interested in and emotionally invested in. You should think about what you did for her interest level to plummet like that.

 

Considering her track record, I don't know if it was me or not. This girl had been married twice and divorced twice within a 6 year span before the age of 28. It was my own fault for getting involved with a person with that much baggage, but I gave her the benefit of the doubt.

[somedude81]

Just my personal policy. To each his own, I say. (Or I try to.)

 

The key is to push those romantic buttons. It took me a long time to figure it out, and I still do things wrong. Of course, she has to be attracted to you from the outset - a decision she will make subconsciously within a few moments of first meeting you. If she is, your actions thereafter will determine whether or not you lose her.

 

Once you are able to recognize whether she is interested, it gets a LOT easier, and you won't waste time on women who are not attracted to you.

I'm very bad a recognizing the signs if she is interested or not. But even then, "wasting" 3-4 dates on her isn't that bad. BTW I only do cheap dates.

 

I am curious to how much a girl has to be attracted to you to accept a date. I think I might make a thread on that topic.

 

As for men who say they'll automatically next a woman if she hasn't slept with them after one or two dates.....that speaks volumes. I can see that if it's a woman he doesn't have a strong interest in then that'll probably be the case. If he's become embittered about women to the extent that he doesn't enjoy their company outside of a sexual context then it might be the case.

 

But a normal man who likes women, is strongly interested in a particular woman and has fun in her company, is hardly going to ditch her after a couple of meetings that didn't happen to lead to sex.

In the vast majority of cases a man goes on a date with a woman because he wants to have sex with her. If he sees that it's not going to happen, why should he stick around and "settle" for her friendship while she goes off and has sex with other guys?

 

A big reason to next a girl after a few dates is to make sure that the guy doesn't get attached. The worst thing for a man, is to fall for a girl who doesn't like him back and she hooks up with other guys. And yes that has happened to me. I've learned spending a lot of time and effort on a girl simply isn't worth it and will only bring pain.

[385]

Why is it that when you have sex with a guy quite early on and then he brushes you off that you can't stop thinking about him?

There you go. Case in point. Don't have sex with her ASAP, and she won't care about you.

[monkey00]

As strange as it sounds, thinking back on my past experiences there is some truth behind the OP.

 

In some cases with women they may say they want to take things slow, I don't believe that for a second. When I did take things slow they would jump to the conclusion that I weren't interested in them (physically). However when I outpaced myself with sexual advances (but they would be the controlling factor), I would usually hear back from them for more dates. With the former, they would often flake out. With the latter I may not have gotten sex immediately but there was enough pursuit to keep the girl on her toes.

 

There's an unspoken mating dance. And I believe this is it.

 

A guy should always go with his gut and should only take what a girl says with a grain of salt. If her actions don't match her words, then you know something is up.

[Island Girl]

There you go. Case in point. Don't have sex with her ASAP, and you won't be her priority.

 

Not all women will put themselves in this position.

 

No offense to the poster who posted "the case in point" but healthy women who do not have self esteem issues will not be so quick to jump into bed.

 

But that doesn't mean they aren't interested.

[Taramere]

In the vast majority of cases a man goes on a date with a woman because he wants to have sex with her. If he sees that it's not going to happen, why should he stick around and "settle" for her friendship while she goes off and has sex with other guys?

 

A big reason to next a girl after a few dates is to make sure that the guy doesn't get attached. The worst thing for a man, is to fall for a girl who doesn't like him back and she hooks up with other guys. And yes that has happened to me. I've learned spending a lot of time and effort on a girl simply isn't worth it and will only bring pain.

 

I think that it's shoddy to continue "dating" a guy if you're not romantically interested in him. After two dates, if you don't feel chemistry and the other person is making it obvious that they have romantic inclinations, then you say it. Whether it's the much maligned "you're a nice guy, but...." or the "sorry, I don't feel chemistry" or "I'd prefer to just be friends" (eg if it's someone you genuinely like, but don't want to get romantic with).

 

If a guy sticks around after the let's just be friends thing, either he's hoping the woman will change her mind - which I'd agree is a negative thing - or he might be someone who's used to having friends of both genders, and doesn't see it as a big deal to stay in touch with someone he had a date or two with. The more sociable the man is, the more likely it is that it would be the latter I'd say.

 

The key for me is that men who won't "invest" time in women unless they're pretty sure of getting sex don't regard women as people whose company is something to be enjoyed. I would spend time with a man I liked, even if I knew he wasn't looking for any long term committed relationship. I'd do that purely on the basis that it was fun to spend time with him. It would be an acknowledgement of the personal qualities he had that made him a good, interesting person to be around.

[Els]

Just found this out after recently dating a flakey girl. HAVE SEX WITH THEM ASAP! Once you have sex with a women, they become emotionally attached to you and you'll have power over them. If you don't do that, like what happened to me - they'll flake on you in an instant and start thinking about the last guy they had sex with - because they are still emotionally attached to that guy.

 

After dating this flakey girl, I went back and thought about the other girls I've hung out with - and it makes total sense. If you don't have sex with them ASAP - it's over.

 

Good luck - so get in those pants.

 

Don't listen to the BS when girls say they won't have sex with you before you start dating because they'll still flake out. HAVE SEX!!!!

 

Let me rephrase this for you:

 

'I don't think I've any means or qualities to keep that girl that I want. So I'll go for the only way I know, have sex with her because I heard that sex makes women emotionally attached, and hopefully that'll manage to subtly twist her arm into staying!'

 

Nonsense, I'll say. If she's gonna flake on you she's gonna flake on you, be it sooner or later. True confident men have no NEED to use methods like that to 'get women to stay with them'. Because the women WANT to stay with them.

 

I'm not saying that it's bad to have sex early in the relationship etc, each to his and her own. But to use sex as a method to keep one's partner is both sad and laughable.

[samspade]

I really dislike this attitude that if a woman doesn't jump straight into the sack with any man who's interested, it's nothing more than a game-playing device employed by a drooling moron who doesn't know her own mind and should be dealt with firmly.

 

I didn't say they have to jump straight into the sack. But if there isn't sex by date four, it is my prerogative to walk away. It's not an ironclad rule, and I respect that you wouldn't be compatible with me for that reason. It isn't game-playing, and I'm not a drooling moron, and I'm not doing anything that deserves to be "dealt with firmly." In any case, if I've stopped dating them, there is nothing to deal with firmly. It's over.

 

Fair play to people who don't need to have much of an emotional rapport with someone in order to enjoy having sex with them....but there's absolutely nothing wrong with people who want to feel some kind of emotional bond and trust before they get that intimate.

 

You do not know what kind of emotional rapport or bond I have with the women in my life. Just because you prefer to wait longer to enjoy sex does not mean your bond and trust are stronger. My experiences with women I've dated have been largely positive; many remain friendly with me because of the bond we shared. Perhaps that isn't "normal" for you, but that is your prerogative, and it's not abnormal for me as a man or for the women involved.

 

As for men who say they'll automatically next a woman if she hasn't slept with them after one or two dates.....that speaks volumes. I can see that if it's a woman he doesn't have a strong interest in then that'll probably be the case. If he's become embittered about women to the extent that he doesn't enjoy their company outside of a sexual context then it might be the case.

 

It's not about being "embittered." You are drawing a false dichotomy between what you have deemed a normal man and an abnormal man, and between sexual pleasure and other means of enjoyment. Of course I have to enjoy her company outside of a sexual context. I don't necessarily want to have sex with someone of poor character. And in fact I'm not bitter at all, I'm quite satisfied emotionally and sexually.

 

But a normal man who likes women, is strongly interested in a particular woman and has fun in her company, is hardly going to ditch her after a couple of meetings that didn't happen to lead to sex.

 

Again, what you deem a "normal" man is really just your type, which is fine. But a man who is willing to set his own guidelines and stand by them is not abnormal. Yes, I believe in being patient and building sexual tension - that's what makes sex enjoyable. You are making it sound like I'm throwing my arms up impatiently and "ditching" a woman who doesn't put out after date two. What I believe is that if things have not escalated to some sort of a sexual encounter by the fourth date, depending on how interested I actually think she is (case-by-case), I will make a decision whether to continue or not. This is my principle, and I have had great experience with wonderful women by sticking to it.

 

As a woman I'd be very pissed off if a guy took that approach with me. No means no, yes means yes, and not yet means not yet. If not yet isn't good enough for a man, then he's free to walk.

 

You sound pissed off, anyway, which is why you are attempting to twist my words into some kind of endorsement of ignoring what a woman is communicating and doing whatever you feel. So let me clarify.

 

You're right, no means no and yes means yes. What I meant was to pay attention to a woman's actions, as they will demonstrate much more clearly her attraction to you. I've made out with women who say "I never make out with random guys" and slept with women who say "I never do this this early." I've slept with women who call me a "jerk" and say "I hate you" on the same day. If I went by what they said - instead of the context and how they said it - I'd never get laid.

 

Now, if a woman says "no" to sex, that is different and a much clearer message, regardless of context and action. If a woman does not want to have sex, her words and her actions will be in complete concert.

[somedude81]

I think that it's shoddy to continue "dating" a guy if you're not romantically interested in him. After two dates, if you don't feel chemistry and the other person is making it obvious that they have romantic inclinations, then you say it. Whether it's the much maligned "you're a nice guy, but...." or the "sorry, I don't feel chemistry" or "I'd prefer to just be friends" (eg if it's someone you genuinely like, but don't want to get romantic with).

The key that I picked up on is the making it obvious part. If the guy doesn't make it obvious then girl would never give him the line and they'd keep hanging out. So the guy needs to do something or else the girl will friendzone him without telling him. Trying to have sex "early" makes sure that it doesn't happen that way but trying to get a kiss seems to also work.

 

The key for me is that men who won't "invest" time in women unless they're pretty sure of getting sex don't regard women as people whose company is something to be enjoyed. I would spend time with a man I liked, even if I knew he wasn't looking for any long term committed relationship. I'd do that purely on the basis that it was fun to spend time with him. It would be an acknowledgement of the personal qualities he had that made him a good, interesting person to be around.

What's the point though? Why should he invest time in her if she made it clear that nothing is going to happen? Sure it might be fun to spend time with her but if there isn't going to be a future, that time is better spent with somebody who is interested.

[Yamaha]

I have had women tell me that " if we have sex I'll fall in-love" so I will agree that, with a women, sex is a very big part in the bonding process.

[carhill]

What was the context of that? FWIW, I've never heard that statement from a woman in all my life.

[Yamaha]

What's the point though? Why should he invest time in her if she made it clear that nothing is going to happen? Sure it might be fun to spend time with her but if there isn't going to be a future, that time is better spent with somebody who is interested.

 

I disagree. You can like someone for their intellect and enjoy spending time with them in conversation. Sex is not the only reason for seeking out women. You need to open up your narrow mindedness as you probably have passed over people that can enrich your life in other ways besides sex.

[Yamaha]

What was the context of that? FWIW, I've never heard that statement from a woman in all my life.

 

I meet her ( she was Asian ) and we had a strong physical connection. We danced and hung out for awhile and she looked at me ( after some kissing ) and said the above statement. She told me she wasn't joking so I took her at her word ( although I did tell her it was lust and not love ).

[carhill]

Give me a timeline from when you first met her to hearing that statement. Hours, days, weeks, etc. I'm curious about the psychology of such things and it's definitely relevant to the thread

[MissConduct]

Aaaaaand, this is precisely why girls should NOT sleep with guys right away, because a good number of guys think like you!

 

This is a perfect example of how guys think so women if you are smart you won't let guys use you like this. You sleep with a guy when you are good and ready, if he doesn't want to wait let him move on there are plenty other better guys out there who will value you for the person that you are, not for being some easy piece of ass.

[Yamaha]

Give me a timeline from when you first met her to hearing that statement. Hours, days, weeks, etc. I'm curious about the psychology of such things and it's definitely relevant to the thread

 

 

It was hours. I saw her and told her I like Asian women and we started talking. There was a very strong sexual connection between us and we started doing some kissing and looking into each others eyes. She then said the statement and wanted to see me the next day. We are still seeing each other to this day ( it has been about 2 months now ) and we still have the same strong physical connection.

[carhill]

So, how are the wedding plans proceeding? FWIW, I've seen this happen which is why I'm fascinated by it. Sometimes I wish I could do self brain surgery