385 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Just found this out after recently dating a flakey girl. HAVE SEX WITH THEM ASAP! Once you have sex with a women, they become emotionally attached to you and you'll have power over them. If you don't do that, like what happened to me - they'll flake on you in an instant and start thinking about the last guy they had sex with - because they are still emotionally attached to that guy. After dating this flakey girl, I went back and thought about the other girls I've hung out with - and it makes total sense. If you don't have sex with them ASAP - it's over. Good luck - so get in those pants. Don't listen to the BS when girls say they won't have sex with you before you start dating because they'll still flake out. HAVE SEX!!!!
Taramere Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Good luck - so get in those pants. Don't listen to the BS when girls say they won't have sex with you before you start dating because they'll still flake out. HAVE SEX!!!! What exactly are you suggesting here? That men shouldn't listen to "BS" like.... "no, I don't want to have sex"? Certainly sounds like it. Especially in light of other comments you've made: you'll have power over them. Right - so this isn't about you meeting a woman and having an enjoyable, healthy sexual relationship with her. It's about you trying to have power over another person. My advice to women. Guy thinks "no I'm not ready for sex with you" is BS and that he should set about getting into your pants regardless? He's probably less likely to regard a swift, hard knee in the groin as "bullsh*t". If he's as much of a douche as the OP here seems to be, it might well be that that's the only language he's capable of understanding.
Island Girl Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 This is SOOOOO not true. Just because a girl doesn't want to have sex right away doesn't mean it is destined to be over.
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Although I disagree with the tone and goal of the OP, my life experience has supported its assertions. Women who bond emotionally/romantically without early sexual involvement are exceedingly rare IME. Stories here on LS continually support that experience. Further, and also supported by experience, dating women who have other men pursuing them sexually becomes a fruitless prospect. Conventional wisdom dictates that the guy she selects to become sexual with will always "win" over the non-sexual male. My work, at the time, was to realize that such women were merely not for me, and to not take it personally.
Woggle Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 It's not the act of sex but about not treating her as a priority. If your love is difficult for her to get she will want it more. If you have sex and then ignore her she will want you more.
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Hope Woggle's right but that didn't work for me. Worth a try though. Hope springs eternal
Woggle Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Hope Woggle's right but that didn't work for me. Worth a try though. Hope springs eternal It worked for me in the past but I don't have the stomach or patience for this crap. I really don't have time for anything but an equal and healthy relationship with a woman. I know it is hard to find but if you do nothing beats it. Anything but that to me is just drama that is not worth it.
Author 385 Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 Although I disagree with the tone and goal of the OP, my life experience has supported its assertions. Women who bond emotionally/romantically without early sexual involvement are exceedingly rare IME. Stories here on LS continually support that experience. Further, and also supported by experience, dating women who have other men pursuing them sexually becomes a fruitless prospect. Conventional wisdom dictates that the guy she selects to become sexual with will always "win" over the non-sexual male. My work, at the time, was to realize that such women were merely not for me, and to not take it personally. Not going to lie, I was annoyed when I wrote this, but this is exactly how I see it now.
TaraMaiden Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I am curious, does this advice also work in reverse? That is, would it be the same situation for a woman onto a man? I don't think so.
Lizzie60 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Although I disagree that it is a GOLDEN RULE.. I see some truth in this.. I often heard that from women.. 'Well.. as soon as I have sex with the guy, I'm in love'... Women (well most ) needs that emotional connection to have sex, not men. That's why, a lot more men cheat.. because they don't need that emotional connection like women do.. so their 'pool' of women is way higher and it's easier for them..
runner Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 i suppose it doesn't really work if the guy is crap in bed
BlueEyedGirl Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I am curious, does this advice also work in reverse? That is, would it be the same situation for a woman onto a man? I don't think so. I think that if a woman is great in bed it would be to her advantage to have sex sooner rather than later. Men get addicted to really good sex and in the process can get attached to the person. Sex can be a great tool to make a man addicted to you. But you have to be exptionally good at it. If you are not then your best bet is to wait as long as you can so that he develops some emotions first. Then the emotions will make make sex great and they will override average to bad technique.
BlueEyedGirl Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 As for OP it wouldn't work on me but I can imagine that it would work on most women. Sex doesn't make me more attached one bit. I get platonically emotionally attached and sex is almost iirelevant.
Island Girl Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I think that if a woman is great in bed it would be to her advantage to have sex sooner rather than later. Men get addicted to really good sex and in the process can get attached to the person. Sex can be a great tool to make a man addicted to you. But you have to be exptionally good at it. If you are not then your best bet is to wait as long as you can so that he develops some emotions first. Then the emotions will make make sex great and they will override average to bad technique. A man can be enthralled with a woman sexually and still keep his emotions at bay. When he gets bored - which WILL eventually happen if there is nothing but sex - he can move on to someone else fairly easily. Sex does not make a man emotionally involved no matter how great it is. It just doesn't work that way for them.
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I often heard that from women.. 'Well.. as soon as I have sex with the guy, I'm in love'... IMO, it's that entire coital process, the single minded pursuit to get penis married with vagina, which creates the bonding pathways and excretes the bonding chemicals in the woman's brain. Without the constant escalation to sex and all the attendant "romance", that bond is never formed. Conversely, one will read/hear about how the new couple ef'ed like rabbits, multiple times per day, for days on end. This is not a fluke. It's nature's way of bonding, as well as procreating. It also can make for some unhealthy choices in partners for a LTR, if sufficient intellectual and emotional intercourse has been non-existent or lacking. For me, simply, my brain wiring brings sexual attraction as a result of emotional and intellectual/spiritual intimacy and I've found this to be largely incompatible with the majority of females I have encountered. Most are expecting me to desire them sexually immediately and pursue sex with zest, with them controlling the process. When that doesn't happen, they lose interest or chose another male who is pursuing the sex with that zest so familiar to them. It's a familiar and comfortable pattern; the "Cheers" effect. When I was single, I tried the OP out and it did work, sexually, but there was no basis in spirit or emotion to sustain the bonds and I felt cheapened by the process. Like TBF has mentioned in her posts, I can't disconnect the emotion from the sex, and, while this is generally fine for a woman, it makes the pursuit process exceedingly difficult for a man so wired. What's life without a few challenges?
samspade Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 The OP is right. He is leaving out the fact that a woman usually needs to be emotionally charged to have sex (unless she's an addict or something). That's why the early dates are so crucial...it's when you establish sexual chemistry. Personally, I won't go past the third or fourth date if we haven't had sex yet, but that is just me. If I haven't gotten her primed and ready to go by then, I've either done something wrong or it's just not there. I think men will get emotionally attached, eventually, but not after the first sexual encounter. My advice to women. Guy thinks "no I'm not ready for sex with you" is BS and that he should set about getting into your pants regardless? What he means is don't listen to what women say, watch what they do. Which is sound advice. What a woman says she wants and what she demonstrates she wants are often incongruous.
Joker77 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Sorry dude, but this is a terrible argument. I did this with my last ex girlfriend and she still flaked out. I didn't have sex with her for the reason you stated. I did it because we were both physically attracted to each other. We lasted about 6 months before she just upped and flaked out. Dumped me via a text message. So I'm sorry...the "have sex with them early" argument holds no water.
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I've come to realize that it is only when a woman's words and actions match that they are truly available for a healthy relationship. Let the mating dance begin I did it because we were both physically attracted to each other. We lasted about 6 months before she just upped and flaked out. Creating a bond with a woman and sustaining it are two very different things. There is no guarantee. Our divorce rate is evidence of that.
samspade Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Sorry dude, but this is a terrible argument. I did this with my last ex girlfriend and she still flaked out. I didn't have sex with her for the reason you stated. I did it because we were both physically attracted to each other. We lasted about 6 months before she just upped and flaked out. Dumped me via a text message. So I'm sorry...the "have sex with them early" argument holds no water. There are other variables at play over a six month period, including how you behaved outside of bed. She probably WAS emotionally attached after you had sex, but like carhill said, you have to sustain that (and not just by having sex). If she was disinterested enough to break up over text, you may have been boring her. A woman doesn't just "up and flake out" on a guy she is interested in and emotionally invested in. You should think about what you did for her interest level to plummet like that.
39388 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 It seems reckless to have sex with someone you hardly know. On the other hand, waiting until marriage is way too long. Isn't there a middle ground?
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Of course there is a middle ground, but the tricky part is the "mutually agreeable" part which validates the desires and perspectives of both parties. This is an important part of compatibility and a mature person will recognize the dynamic and decide if s/he is willing to participate. Historically, my biggest obstacle was getting women to understand that my style of physical affection was not immediately indicative of sexual desire but rather an expression of how I felt. So, a kiss and/or a caress can be just that, and not an escalation to genital sex. This again plays to familiar patterns and one's ability to move beyond them and embrace different patterns of involvement, as I did when experimenting with having sex earlier than I was comfortable with. If I had not tried, I would not have known, concretely, how I felt about it.
Peaceandlove Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Why is it that when you have sex with a guy quite early on and then he brushes you off that you can't stop thinking about him?
Island Girl Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Why is it that when you have sex with a guy quite early on and then he brushes you off that you can't stop thinking about him? Because for you emotions are automatically involved. In your mind you "shared" something. It is something that is supposed to reflect a connection. In his mind - unless he is of the rare type like carhill - he used you. There was no shared experience. That is why it is best to wait until you know there is a connection, respect, and caring. Then you both get what you expect from it.
Sam Spade Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 You can't "make them" have sex, but it is 100% that if a girl doesn't have sex with you within about a month of meeting her, she simply does not like you and it is time to move on.
Island Girl Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 You can't "make them" have sex, but it is 100% that if a girl doesn't have sex with you within about a month of meeting her, she simply does not like you and it is time to move on. Not true either.
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