Colima Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I broke up with my boyfriend of 7 months over a woman he is in contact with. She is 15 years younger than him. He and I are the same age. He is close to his ex-wife, ex-girlfriends, and has many female friends. None of that bothered me - except I had a weird feeling about this particular woman. Well, on Valentine's Day, he texted her asking her, "Will you be my Valentine?" He didn't ask me to be his Valentine. In fact, he did nothing for me for Valentine's Day. He told me he didn't believe in Valentine's Day! Then, I was the victim of an assault. He took me to the hospital. While I was in the exam room, he was outside texting her. She asked him to go to a show with him that night, and he agreed. He didn't say, "Hey, my girlfriend is in the hospital and really needs me right now so sorry I can't go," he said "Sure, I'd love to!" He didn't say anything about me to her at all. He also went to a party she hosted and lied to me about going - until a picture of him with her at the party showed up on Facebook. He says that they are just friends and that I am overreacting and I am unreasonably jealous and wrong. I say I have every reason to be upset. I say he's infatuated with her and that his behavior is inappropriate for someone in a committed relationship.
sotired Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I think you know the truth but you just want confirmation. Yes he's cheating on you. No they aren't "just friends"
TaraMaiden Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 You are broken up? Over this woman? Then she is all the reason you need to not be in the relationship any more. Now, it doesn't matter any more who she is, or what is happening. You are broken up, and this is no lonbger your concern.#leave it alone, and begin to enjoy your own life again. He seemed very dishonest and callous. So it's probably much better this way. _/l\_
Author Colima Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 He's making it seem like we are broken up because I was unreasonable ... and still insists he did nothing wrong with this woman.
Peaceandlove Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I have been in a similar situation, with the difference that my ex-bf was emotionally cheating on me with one of his coworkers at an overseas office he was training at. It is so hurtful, and for me cheating begins the moment your SO begins lying and being dishonest because of another person- if that is the case then indeed he is cheating. Had he not had something to be guilty about then he wouldn't have lyed. Beware of the nonchalant response of your boyfriend trying to blame everything (even you) for the break-up of the relationship- don't let him guilt you into anything! For christ's sake you were in hospital and this guy was texting and aranging a date with another woman! He is not worth your tears/energy/love Hope it works out for you! You deserve better xx
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 To answer your OP, no they're not just friends. I'll bet he's got a stable of "not just friends" that he validates his ego with. Since you think it's healthy for a man to have platonic relationships with women (I support you in that), you should consider a compatible mate to be one whom supports your friendships with men. Tell me, how supportive was this guy towards your male friends? Did he interact with them much? What was your take on that? Good information for the future, IMO.
Author Colima Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 I already broke up with him. I know I can't go back to him - not sure if that's even on the table. The main thing is I am feeling guilty because he put the onus on me saying I was being unreasonable, I was being unfairly suspicious, I was being jealous for no reason. I don't agree. If there was nothing going on, why did he lie so many times over her and hide things from me? He didn't do that with other female friends. And I have no problem with his other female friends. No I am not going back to him. I guess I just need some support and validation. Ironically, although he never acted on it, he greatly resented my male friends.
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Ironically, although he never acted on it, he greatly resented my male friends. The psychology of this is important to note. Great relationship and life lesson. Your friends and his friends are valuable assets to your relationship and deserve equal consideration and respect. This now will become part of your compatibility test for future men you choose to be intimate with, or so I hope IMO, focusing on yourself and the positive things you learn and experience will help you heal. After all, he is just one human amongst billions. How much effect on the world (and you) should he really have?
Lucky_One Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Consider yourself validated. He was up to no good, and you know that. Good for you for maintaining strong boundaries!
Peaceandlove Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 It's not your fault! He's trying to guilt you into believing that he is not responsible for the break-up- he obviously is! forget about this guy and move on
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