PinkRibbon Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I met a man about a year ago named R. Well R was not anything i normally went out with. I am always interested in the pretty boy type. Well R is 3 inches shorter than me, red hair, long nose hairs when he doesn't trim them and even loger eyebrow hairs when they don't get trimmed which can be often. He is about 40 pounds overweight and is sporting the beginnings of "Moobs". His teeth are crooked really and they haven't had a cleaning in about 5 years. He rides a motorcycle and that is his favorite thing to do . I hear the word Harley 10 times a day. But he is good boyfriend to me. He rubs my shoulders when they hurt and rubs my legs just because he wants. He calls me in the morning before he goes to work to tell me he loves me and during the day to make pig sounds in the phone because he is my piggy. He says he does not like to be apart more than a day and sometimes he would come on by to just give me a good night hug. Well Thursday night he stayed at my apartment as we were going to take my daughter to her grandmothers the next morning. We are packing clothes and I am in rubber ducky jamiies and he has on harley pants and stopped amd looked at he amd said he couldn't be happier if he had died and gone to heaven. Well he broke up with me Sunday because we argued on Saturday for a little but. He doesn not miss me he said and he doesn't love me he said. I am stunned because before out argument my mom looked at the way were were being all snuggle at the auction and wanted to know when we were getting married. We always play it off because believe it or not several people ask us that question monthly. He said he we argued about this subject 3 times in our relationship and that is enough. So he is done.= and not coming back. I am blown away. You don't dump someone because of an argument. You work through what caused the argument but he says he doesn't want to fix what started the argument. This is the man who told me that heaven is with me. What happened???? I can't wrap my brain around it. And what can I do to get him back. He was an awesome boyfriend and he said I was an awesome girlfriend just this thing in the problem area. I have gone NC becasue I begged one time but not again. Sooo any ideas??? PLease??
hopesndreams Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 You are right, no one breaks up over an argument without trying to make sense of the argument and looking at possible solutions to whatever it was you were fighting over. There is always confrontation from time to time, big fights, little fights, making mountains out of mole hills, huge problems, little problems...that's what takes place in a relationship...good times, bad times.... Don't beat yourself up over this. He rode off on his Harley instead of making things work with you. You deserve better and hey, the way you described him...he was no oil painting. He doesn not miss me he said and he doesn't love me he said. When someone says this kind of stuff to you....run a mile and don't look back.
Author PinkRibbon Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 He never wants to deal with this one particular argument but in order for us to move forward in our relationship he has to take care of this or st least start the porcess. Nothing. He said he didn't want to and so he was breaking up with me. This past year with him has been awesome. We go places on the bike, Ride in the maountains and just have a good time just the 2 of us. He has take a major position in my daughters life. She is 15 and the joke is he is her one man fan club. So sweet he would take her to school sometimes just to stop and get her mcdonalds. He gave her advise on bios took her shopping for school clothes and actually fell asleep in the store waiting. He hasn't spokem to her either. Like we both just poof gone from the eath. I do have a lot of items in his garage that he will want to give back next week. How should I act? Cool? Try and Talk to him? Prolong the giving back of the items? Anything??? I really don't want this over because we were good together except the stupid house argument.
vessv6l Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 What ever this argument was about it seems like its quite a big issue for him. You havent mentioned what it is so im going to assume its something you want to keep to yourself. But it obviously has some importance to him. Perhaps he has had relationships in the past have issues because of the same thing, and he feels that hes been in this situation before it might be better for him to move on. I think that is the biggest hurdle you need to conquer first before you can reconcile your relationship but to do that you'll need to speak to him. However what ever this thing is you guys arnt seeing eye to eye on dont do anything you dont feel comfortable with or change who you are in order to preserve the relationship. Hope you guys work things out for the best
Author PinkRibbon Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 The argument is about a house. His ex girlfriend he was with for almost 6 years is living in the house he bought with his money when his parents passed. This fall will be 2 years they have been apart and the way he talks it was over before that but that is just hearsay from him. The house is paid for so she lives there rent free. She also owns another house that a girlfriend of hers rents for $500. R is a cook at a prison so he makes next to nothing which is fine by me. I am definately not with him for money or looks. What upsets me is he wants to do all this stuff in our future but he won't just shut the door on their "relationship" by selling the house. I said giev the money to family give the money to her just I can not place all my future plans in one basket with you when this is not done. It scares the living daylights out of me to trust someone as much as I trust him and I told him that. And I am always going to hold part of myself back until this is done. I let him do more with my daughter and myself than I have ever let anyone I have dated or been married to. He is the first man I let stay the night at my house while my daughter was home. She treated him like a dad and it scared me when he wouldn't finish what he had to do. Now the ex girlfriend makes over 100K so her finding another house was not a problem. So in January he said they were going to sell in March. In March she didn't want to but he talked to her and they were going to sell. This was the 1st of March now when he broke up he hadn't talked to her since the 1st of March and he wasn't going to do anything about it. I was like why did you say you were when you weren't? He said period when they sell they sell and if they don't they don't. And he broke up.
Author PinkRibbon Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 So he is to bring my items from his garage back to my house so I can put them in a storage shed. What do I do? Prolong him bringing them back or just move forward with moving on? How do I act what do I say? Do I say anything at all? I don't know how or what to say to make him change his mind and I know from the past you can't make someone change their mind when they want to leave. But I wish there was something I could do........ And I don't want to beg. I asked him and he said no and begging is not going to work. I feel so lost.
Author PinkRibbon Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 He just emailed and asked what do I want to do about getting my items out of his garage on Tuesday. What do I say or do? My response is to either ignore the email or email and say I have plans and I will let him know when I am free. And advise??
klarika Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 What about emailing asking him politely to gather all your stuff by himself and to leave it in front of your house (since you will be out on date?). That would be unexepected. If you want to play your cards, act in manners that he would not expect. That would make him..finally...think.
Author PinkRibbon Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 Ok I sent him a reply email stating I have plans on Tuesday night and most of the nights this week. (Which is true and I am not rushing around to break my plans to make him happy) I said I will email you when I am free and do not come by my house when I am not home. (Trying to make it my decision when he brings my stuff over not bowing down to him when he is ready) That was it. Boy I feel like i just blew it even though it was already over.
Author PinkRibbon Posted April 21, 2009 Author Posted April 21, 2009 Well no response to the email and I didn't think he would. I actually feel a little pain and plasure from sending it. Pain because I feel I have made things worse but how can they get worse he dumped me? Pleasure because it is on my terms when he brings back my stuff. I want to email him but I am not going to. My stomach is in knots but I did manage to eat some breakfast for the first time in a week. Maybe that is a small step in getting better?? I still wish and hope he comes back. I want to be with him but not if he doesn't want to be with me. I wonder when he will email next?
Author PinkRibbon Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 Well I did the unthinkable yesterday. I sent him an email telling him how great the relationship was and how I miss him terribly. I also said I would hope he would reconsider and not throw us away, that an argument was not worth our future. I said I would not email or text again because the silence hurts too much and that is he ever wants to talk about us again he has my number. I am such a goob. One can always hope. I know he won't be back because I just have a weird feeling that it is something deeper than our argument. I think the argument scratched the surface of something he doesn't want to deal with. I know I will not email again or text. I will wait until he askes me to get my items out of his garage and then I will pay someone to do it for me. I think I need to go home after work and clean my house. I haven't cleaned since Easter. I usually have a nice clean place and it is just awful right now. I have no energy to do anything but sleep and not eat. I think that is the plan. Clean house, wash laundry and work on my applications. I have always wanted to live near the beach. Why not at least try now? This is just a vent and muse day.
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