Confusedalways Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 My formula for online dating which has worked pretty well. 1. Send the initial contact. 2. If you get a message back. Do a few more back and forth. 3. Attempt to get messaging service name, like an AIM SN. 4. Spend a few nights talking to her. 5. After a while you'll notice she's pretty comfortable or will drop some hints. Ask her for coffee or something. (I usually go for a weeknight, that way if it's a hellish date/meeting you haven't wasted a weekend day/night) - Process will take a week or two depending on frequency of contact. - I have noticed the majority of women do not like giving out their numbers until they meet you. I don't really mind considering I don't like talking on the phone. Also, they don't like giving FB info out until they meet you. Understandable I only pester them for it when I suspect they might be hiding something (IE secret fatty). As a girl, I'd like to reiterate how creepy it is to have people asking for my fb info. I hate that! At least wait until you've gone out once
Author 39388 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 As a girl, I'd like to reiterate how creepy it is to have people asking for my fb info. I hate that! At least wait until you've gone out once A hard part of dating is knowing when to ask for something. I know full well not to ask for FB info that early, but some other woman might be creeped if I ask for it within a month while another might give it out almost immediately without me asking. I know and have memorized a hundred things not to do, but I'm afraid of doing thing 101 and destroying my chance at a date. If I knew what this was, I'd not do it. I feel I'm walking on very thin eggshells when I'm emailing a woman and it takes forever to send the email, always afraid of saying something that will scare her away. The only way not to take this risk is to never email a woman, but I want to find a good woman so I keep emailing them. Some of what stresses me out is that usually I'm emailing one woman at a time, while she likely gets 20 emails a day. I feel I have to be the best out of everyone. Each woman is different, often very different. At least I'm trying.
Phateless Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 A hard part of dating is knowing when to ask for something. I know full well not to ask for FB info that early, but some other woman might be creeped if I ask for it within a month while another might give it out almost immediately without me asking. I know and have memorized a hundred things not to do, but I'm afraid of doing thing 101 and destroying my chance at a date. If I knew what this was, I'd not do it. I feel I'm walking on very thin eggshells when I'm emailing a woman and it takes forever to send the email, always afraid of saying something that will scare her away. The only way not to take this risk is to never email a woman, but I want to find a good woman so I keep emailing them. Some of what stresses me out is that usually I'm emailing one woman at a time, while she likely gets 20 emails a day. I feel I have to be the best out of everyone. Each woman is different, often very different. At least I'm trying. I think you're looking at this in the wrong way. Instead of worrying about the 1 thing you're doing wrong, figure that there are so many women in the world that you can afford to make every mistake and learn from it. Every mistake brings you closer to success.
Author 39388 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 I think you're looking at this in the wrong way. Instead of worrying about the 1 thing you're doing wrong, figure that there are so many women in the world that you can afford to make every mistake and learn from it. Every mistake brings you closer to success. It seems when I do something right, it's one of many things I need to do to get that date. When I do something wrong, it's over with a particular woman. You do have a good point. I'm doing so much more right than a few months ago. I'm now thinking about what I can do in real life to meet women. If I start doing that, the presure may well go way down with the online dating.
clv0116 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 We agree on principle, but disagree on the semantics. I'd probably turn your 2 sentences into 4-5. However, you do have a valid point. The direct approach would definitely work for me, especially since I hate talking on the phone and I expect the people who call me to get to the point as soon as possible. Some women prefer pointless and neverending conversations .... Yes, if they are the sort who want to have never ending telecommunications then I'm not interested; they are just wasting my time. Works both ways. I don't believe you can get to know someone without at least some initial real world interaction.
Author 39388 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 Yes, if they are the sort who want to have never ending telecommunications then I'm not interested; they are just wasting my time. Works both ways. I don't believe you can get to know someone without at least some initial real world interaction. I want real world interactions, but it seems most women would like some emails or IMs or some talking on the phone first. It does work both ways. I'm not going to look at a profile and ask the woman out immediately. I want to know a little more about her.
clv0116 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I'm not going to look at a profile and ask the woman out immediately. I want to know a little more about her. When you chat them up in real life, do you ask for their YM id and then excuse yourself so you can IM them a bit before spending time face to face? Nothing beats face to face for getting to know someone.
Phateless Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 It seems when I do something right, it's one of many things I need to do to get that date. When I do something wrong, it's over with a particular woman. You do have a good point. I'm doing so much more right than a few months ago. I'm now thinking about what I can do in real life to meet women. If I start doing that, the presure may well go way down with the online dating. That's the ticket! And do both. Use both to improve your skills in the other area. You're getting there.
Author 39388 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 That's the ticket! And do both. Use both to improve your skills in the other area. You're getting there. Got a phone number today. I'm calling tomorrow mid day. I don't want to call on a Friday night and I'm busy anyway. I have a plan this time and she will be asked out fairly quickly. If she's busy when I call, no lingering on the phone and I'll try to make it so I'm the one who calls back.
Phateless Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Got a phone number today. I'm calling tomorrow mid day. I don't want to call on a Friday night and I'm busy anyway. I have a plan this time and she will be asked out fairly quickly. If she's busy when I call, no lingering on the phone and I'll try to make it so I'm the one who calls back. Nice. Focus mainly on keeping your composure. Even if the conversation doesn't go well be proud of yourself for staying calm. Here's a key tip - don't try to clear your mind to call. Call when you're already in a confident, energetic, good mood. It will naturally translate onto the phone. Don't think and strategize, just do something to make yourself feel like THE MAN and call her immediately afterward.
clv0116 Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 Got a phone number today. I'm calling tomorrow mid day. I don't want to call on a Friday night and I'm busy anyway. I have a plan this time and she will be asked out fairly quickly. If she's busy when I call, no lingering on the phone and I'll try to make it so I'm the one who calls back. Sounds reasonably solid, just don't plan too much, if you do you run a risk of sounding lost when it inevitably goes off script. Also try to be the one who terminates the call.
Author 39388 Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Sounds reasonably solid, just don't plan too much, if you do you run a risk of sounding lost when it inevitably goes off script. Also try to be the one who terminates the call. I'm going to plan a get together with her. I have ideas and will suggest a date and time. I will limit the time on the phone. I've messed up on first phone calls enough and the last thing I need is a long phone call.
Author 39388 Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Called, got voicemail and left a message I prepared and it came out like I was reading off a teleprompter. I can't f***ing stand the phone. I'm now afraid I may have scared her away. This nervousness over the phone just will not go away whever I talk to someone new, whether it be a friend or a prospective date.
clv0116 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 Called, got voicemail and left a message I prepared and it came out like I was reading off a teleprompter. I can't f***ing stand the phone. I'm now afraid I may have scared her away. This nervousness over the phone just will not go away whever I talk to someone new, whether it be a friend or a prospective date. No worries, you should be working on other prospects at the same time, keep the pipeline full, go go go.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 I find that a lot of people sound weird on the phone. If a date called me and sounded like a teleprompter I would assume it is because he does not like the phone or whatever. I wouldn't let it scare me away.
ruggy Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 No worries, you should be working on other prospects at the same time, keep the pipeline full, go go go. If you are anxious, try drinking a shot of tequila before speaking to her. It should calm your nerves a bit. Seriously.
clv0116 Posted June 20, 2009 Posted June 20, 2009 If you are anxious, try drinking a shot of tequila before speaking to her. It should calm your nerves a bit. Seriously. Hrrrmmm? What?
Author 39388 Posted June 24, 2009 Author Posted June 24, 2009 I find that a lot of people sound weird on the phone. If a date called me and sounded like a teleprompter I would assume it is because he does not like the phone or whatever. I wouldn't let it scare me away. I got called back and we had a date! I think it my bother some women, but certainly not all.
Phateless Posted June 24, 2009 Posted June 24, 2009 Remember - the primary purpose of this date is a learning experience. Don't sweat the outcome.
Author 39388 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Remember - the primary purpose of this date is a learning experience. Don't sweat the outcome. I had a very good time, but did make a number of mistakes. Most of them were due to inexperience. I'm not sure if this thing is going to go beyond the first date, but am already emailing another woman.
ruggy Posted June 26, 2009 Posted June 26, 2009 I had a very good time, but did make a number of mistakes. Most of them were due to inexperience. I'm not sure if this thing is going to go beyond the first date, but am already emailing another woman. Sorry to hear dude. Did you at least try to kiss her?
Author 39388 Posted June 26, 2009 Author Posted June 26, 2009 Sorry to hear dude. Did you at least try to kiss her? There was no physical contact. Not a kiss or a hug. Her body language made it clear that she didn't want a hug. I did have a good time though.
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