Author 39388 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 See that's crazy because I know people who hook up a new girl every week or two from those sites. I guess it just depends... I'm going to keep trying. Some of the women on these sites are shy. I'm trying to figure out with one how to go from emailing back and forth to a date. I'm thinking it is at least somewhat about timing, but I don't know how to time it.
DarkestDreams Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Some of the women on these sites are shy. I'm trying to figure out with one how to go from emailing back and forth to a date. I'm thinking it is at least somewhat about timing, but I don't know how to time it. I noticed that some guys have the same problem as well. Usually, I have to hint that it's probably time to take it to the real world. For me, 4-5 messages over a week would be enough to know if I want to meet the person or not. I might be part of a minority here, but I don't like to talk on the phone before meeting. The way I see it, if we email back and forth for a while, we already know we can carry a conversation. I also don't feel too comfortable handing out my number to strangers, after a bad experience I had a while ago. A good way of figuring out how a woman feels about it is to say something along the lines of "I was wondering if you'd care to meet up for coffee or drinks, or perhaps talk over the phone sometime". This puts the ball in her court and saves you the trouble of making assumptions. Come to think about it, all the guys that I dated asked me out via messages and very few asked for my number beforehand. If you know the phone isn't your strength, you can try to avoid it, at least until you get more comfortable.
Phateless Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I'm going to keep trying. Some of the women on these sites are shy. I'm trying to figure out with one how to go from emailing back and forth to a date. I'm thinking it is at least somewhat about timing, but I don't know how to time it. I'm glad. Don't let other people's bad experiences deter you. We have no idea from here how they're approaching it. I think the first order of business is to get a GOOD picture of yourself up there. A lot of people just use any old pic and it really doesn't do them justice. On Hot or Not, I had several different pictures over a year or so period rated anywhere from 6 up to 9. That's a pretty wide range. My honest opinion is that i'm an 8 or so. In that pic with a 9 rating I was all styled out in a particular way. I CAN look that way but I don't every day.
clv0116 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I know how to ask someone out for coffee. That's the easy part (in a relative sense). The hard part is getting to that point. There's no "point" to get to! "I saw your ad on _____ and I'm interested in having a chat. How about we go __________"
Author 39388 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 There's no "point" to get to! "I saw your ad on _____ and I'm interested in having a chat. How about we go __________" This would be your first contact with the woman you found online? A one line email?
clv0116 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 This would be your first contact with the woman you found online? A one line email? A two sentence phone call. Don't dick around, get to the point and be decisive.
DarkestDreams Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 There's no "point" to get to! "I saw your ad on _____ and I'm interested in having a chat. How about we go __________" Nah, that doesn't work. We need to be lulled into a false sense of security first
clv0116 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Nah, that doesn't work. We need to be lulled into a false sense of security first Ya, well it's easier to do that in person, after a few drinks.
Phateless Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Ya, well it's easier to do that in person, after a few drinks. Women get inundated on these sites. It takes more than two lines for her to decide if she wants to invest the time in a date with you. It's like the guy at BestBuy asking you to buy a TV right when you walk in the front door before you've even had a chance to tell him that you're shopping for an ipod.
Author 39388 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 Nah, that doesn't work. We need to be lulled into a false sense of security first How would you respond to a 2 sentence phone call like that?
clv0116 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Women get inundated on these sites. It takes more than two lines for her to decide if she wants to invest the time in a date with you. I wouldn't expect the response to be "Oh, GOD yes, and be sure to bring some condoms!" or anything. An approach like this works because you've been clear about why you called and what you expect. The response is often a short conversation where she sizes you up and then an answer. If you lead into the short conversation first it often comes off as aimless and pointless.
Phateless Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I wouldn't expect the response to be "Oh, GOD yes, and be sure to bring some condoms!" or anything. An approach like this works because you've been clear about why you called and what you expect. The response is often a short conversation where she sizes you up and then an answer. If you lead into the short conversation first it often comes off as aimless and pointless. I see your point but I think some leadup is necessary, no? Maybe you're just a really good looking stud who doesn't need to worry about that stuff? Seriously though, I see your point, I think you're talking about more of a middle ground than we interpreted.
DarkestDreams Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Well clv's post wouldn't work as an online message, since it does take more than 2 lines to peak a woman's interest, but I agree that AFTER you get the phone number, the conversation is best kept short and to the point ie. establishing the details for the date as opposed to rambling. How would you respond to a 2 sentence phone call like that? To that particular call, my response would probably be "Who's this again?" . Although I do think short convos are better, that's way too concise, even for me.
BobSacamento Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 My formula for online dating which has worked pretty well. 1. Send the initial contact. 2. If you get a message back. Do a few more back and forth. 3. Attempt to get messaging service name, like an AIM SN. 4. Spend a few nights talking to her. 5. After a while you'll notice she's pretty comfortable or will drop some hints. Ask her for coffee or something. (I usually go for a weeknight, that way if it's a hellish date/meeting you haven't wasted a weekend day/night) - Process will take a week or two depending on frequency of contact. - I have noticed the majority of women do not like giving out their numbers until they meet you. I don't really mind considering I don't like talking on the phone. Also, they don't like giving FB info out until they meet you. Understandable I only pester them for it when I suspect they might be hiding something (IE secret fatty).
clv0116 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Well clv's post wouldn't work as an online message, since it does take more than 2 lines to peak a woman's interest ... Or even pique her interest.
layla.ann Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 I would start with some kind of wink. If I am interested in a guy I will reply. If you would prefer a message I would stick with a simple "hi, how are you, you seem intersting I would like to get to know you, my name is ___." I tend to not respond to guys who I feel are trying to hard to impress me via email. That's just me personally.
DarkestDreams Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Or even pique her interest. Thanks for pointing that out. I learn something new every day
clv0116 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Thanks for pointing that out. I learn something new every day You're welcome, glad you didn't call me a prick for pointing out that it means 'to prick'
Joey Popps Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 My honest opinion is that i'm an 8 or so. In that pic with a 9 rating I was all styled out in a particular way. I CAN look that way but I don't every day. That's great but what if you're more like a 4 or 5...regardless of the pic you put up, it's not going to make you look good.
clv0116 Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 To that particular call, my response would probably be "Who's this again?" You wouldn't have to wait for some imbecile to fumble around for 10 minutes before maybe getting around to what he wanted. The direct approach has always worked the best for me. My experience is that people, including women, don't like strangers taking up their day for unknown reasons. There's plenty of time for conversation at your discretion AFTER I let you know why I'm calling.
DarkestDreams Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 You're welcome, glad you didn't call me a prick for pointing out that it means 'to prick' Haha far from it. My English could use some polishing, so I appreciate all the help I can get. You wouldn't have to wait for some imbecile to fumble around for 10 minutes before maybe getting around to what he wanted. The direct approach has always worked the best for me. My experience is that people, including women, don't like strangers taking up their day for unknown reasons. There's plenty of time for conversation at your discretion AFTER I let you know why I'm calling. We agree on principle, but disagree on the semantics. I'd probably turn your 2 sentences into 4-5. However, you do have a valid point. The direct approach would definitely work for me, especially since I hate talking on the phone and I expect the people who call me to get to the point as soon as possible. Some women prefer pointless and neverending conversations before the actual meet as a way to get to know the person more and decide if they want to go through with it or not. For me, there was no attraction when I finally met the guy in about 90% of the cases, so everything leading to that point just became a waste of time. Less is more.
donnamaybe Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 My formula for online dating which has worked pretty well. 1. Send the initial contact. 2. If you get a message back. Do a few more back and forth. 3. Attempt to get messaging service name, like an AIM SN. 4. Spend a few nights talking to her. 5. After a while you'll notice she's pretty comfortable or will drop some hints. Ask her for coffee or something. (I usually go for a weeknight, that way if it's a hellish date/meeting you haven't wasted a weekend day/night) - Process will take a week or two depending on frequency of contact. - I have noticed the majority of women do not like giving out their numbers until they meet you. I don't really mind considering I don't like talking on the phone. Also, they don't like giving FB info out until they meet you. Understandable I only pester them for it when I suspect they might be hiding something (IE secret fatty). This is good advice. Do some "talking" via IM. It's less formal than a phone call, but much better than e-mail. And yes, notice that he also advises taking some time. Most women are too wary of internet strangers to just jump right into a date until they are comfortable with you.
Phateless Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 That's great but what if you're more like a 4 or 5...regardless of the pic you put up, it's not going to make you look good. you'd be amazed what some new clothes, contacts, a new haircut, and going to the gym for 6 months will do. How do you think I went from a 6 up to a 9? Revamp your style. Buy clothes that FIT you correctly. Go to a trendy store like express or H&M and walk up to a cute sales girl and say "I have $300 to spend and I need help. Make me look good." You'd be amazed at the difference in how women react to you.
Joey Popps Posted June 19, 2009 Posted June 19, 2009 I've worked out and ate healthy most of my life so going to the gym is something I've always done. Staying in shape isn't the problem. A new haircut...been there done that and it's changed nothing for me. New stylish clothes hasn't change anything either. I would say my luck in the real world is far better than online dating. At least I might get a chance to get to know them. Online all it is is a picture, a profile, and a few sentences. Obviously out of the 6 or 7 pictures I have no female thinks I'm attractive enough to get back to. There isn't much else I'm going to do to change that fact.
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