Author 39388 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Agreed with Bob. "Fake it til you make it." And.. to reiterate.. DON'T bring up the no kissing thing. I won't bring it up. I'll try to give a good kiss. Experience will not be there for me, but hopefully passion will be enough.
NopeNah Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 That's how a lot of people react. They just don't know what to say. Some just laugh. Some think I'm lying, but I'm not. 35 years old. Why? My confidence was zero for many years and I let negative statements get to me to an extreme degree. People convinced me I'd never have a chance with any woman. I'm having to learn things that I should have learned 20 years back and much of it is very stressful. All good,man..just trying to see where you are. Go to Vegas or something.. plenty of "single" chicks there as i just left!
Author 39388 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 All good,man..just trying to see where you are. Go to Vegas or something.. plenty of "single" chicks there as i just left! I know you were. I live in a very large metro area (even larger than Vegas) so I know there are many women out there. Finding one where we both want a relationship with each other is the hard part.
NopeNah Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I know you were. I live in a very large metro area (even larger than Vegas) so I know there are many women out there. Finding one where we both want a relationship with each other is the hard part. Not to stray from your original thing...but, you NEED to kiss a girl! and get out there! It's NO thing, man! Just doooo iiitttt!!
Author 39388 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Not to stray from your original thing...but, you NEED to kiss a girl! and get out there! It's NO thing, man! Just doooo iiitttt!! I want to so badly, but I need to control this desperation. I've lost several likely dates already becuase of it. I just got the courage to IM a woman. We didn't connect the way I'd hoped, but I need to keep doing it.
BobSacamento Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 It's like convincing someone I know how to be the CEO of some specialized company when I never managed anyone or even heard about the product. I'm shooting in the dark. I wanted to be calm and collected when I talked to the woman on the phone a few days ago, but I just wasn't. I sounded so desperate. You're right. Once it's done, I'll know I've pulled it off. I can't know for sure, but if I know she enjoys it, it will be a an almost overwhelming experience for me. I really hope you don't talk to women like this. I know your trying to be funny but if you want to get a woman I really don't think putting yourself down for a laugh is a good idea. Those jokes are good for friends and I do it all the time but giving a negative first impression of yourself is not good in dating.
mortensorchid Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 Best way to respond? Simple : 1) Send a wink - If the woman reads your profile and decides that she wants to see what you are about, then she will respond. 2) Sites without winks - If you are on a website without the wink feature (like you would find on Match or the like), simply send an email that says "Hello Name. I was just reading your profile and thought I would tell you that it caught my attention. I thought I would send you an email just to say hello." End of story. The rest is as it is.
Author 39388 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 I really hope you don't talk to women like this. I know your trying to be funny but if you want to get a woman I really don't think putting yourself down for a laugh is a good idea. Those jokes are good for friends and I do it all the time but giving a negative first impression of yourself is not good in dating. I've been positive with the women I've talked to. Never would I say this to anyone I'm trying to date. I have gotten some to laugh, but not at my expense.
Author 39388 Posted June 13, 2009 Author Posted June 13, 2009 Best way to respond? Simple : 1) Send a wink - If the woman reads your profile and decides that she wants to see what you are about, then she will respond. 2) Sites without winks - If you are on a website without the wink feature (like you would find on Match or the like), simply send an email that says "Hello Name. I was just reading your profile and thought I would tell you that it caught my attention. I thought I would send you an email just to say hello." End of story. The rest is as it is. If I really like what I see in a profile, I'll take the time to write an email. If it's more of a maybe, I'll send a wink.
Phateless Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 If I really like what I see in a profile, I'll take the time to write an email. If it's more of a maybe, I'll send a wink. Good, but don't try to "oversell yourself" in the first email. That sounds desperate. Even if you really like her, a few short lines to spark her interest, maybe one to show her you read her profile. A long-ass email first thing comes on way too strong.
ruggy Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Best way to respond? Simple : 1) Send a wink - If the woman reads your profile and decides that she wants to see what you are about, then she will respond. 2) Sites without winks - If you are on a website without the wink feature (like you would find on Match or the like), simply send an email that says "Hello Name. I was just reading your profile and thought I would tell you that it caught my attention. I thought I would send you an email just to say hello." End of story. The rest is as it is. Winks don't work.. Only women and bitches do that. Just e-mail her and see whats what. Then again, I've e-mailed hundreds and they've all ignored me. So what do I know.. Though, no reason to be afraid. She does not know you and you do not know her. If she does not respond why the f*ck should you care?
Author 39388 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 Winks don't work.. Only women and bitches do that. Just e-mail her and see whats what. Then again, I've e-mailed hundreds and they've all ignored me. So what do I know.. Though, no reason to be afraid. She does not know you and you do not know her. If she does not respond why the f*ck should you care? Not necessarily. It does seem like the majority of women prefer an email, but then again others don't mind winks. What stinks is you usually don't know who prefers what and there's usually no time to email every possibility.
ruggy Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Not necessarily. It does seem like the majority of women prefer an email, but then again others don't mind winks. What stinks is you usually don't know who prefers what and there's usually no time to email every possibility. True I try five or so a day. They then look at my profile and never reply. Who knows.
Author 39388 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 Good, but don't try to "oversell yourself" in the first email. That sounds desperate. Even if you really like her, a few short lines to spark her interest, maybe one to show her you read her profile. A long-ass email first thing comes on way too strong. I'm only doing a few lines in a first email from now on. It takes time to write each line the way I want, so I don't mind a shorter email.
Author 39388 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 True I try five or so a day. They then look at my profile and never reply. Who knows. That's what they do for me, though I just started on match less than a week ago. At least you get them looking. This online is the hardest and most frustrating thing I've ever tried. People tell me it only takes one, but to find that one, wow.
Island Girl Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I live in a very large metro area (even larger than Vegas) so I know there are many women out there. Finding one where we both want a relationship with each other is the hard part. But in Vegas you have girls from out of town (A LOT of them who aren't looking for a relationship but a "hook up"). MANY opportunities for kisses. TRUST. I really don't think putting yourself down for a laugh is a good idea. Absolutely true. 39388 -- Glad you don't do this. Do you have the same fear of talking to women in person as you do on the phone? If so, a good exercise for you may be to start chatting with women when you are out. I realize you don't live in the best city to do this (having lived there and the West Coast it is true the West Coast is a bit more laid back about chatting with strangers without having them think you want something from them). But just making a comment when you are in a line somewhere etc. may break you out of your shell a little bit. BTW - I have read quite a few of your posts and your intellect is SOOOOOOOO attractive. You have a lot more going for you than you think you do. And as another poster pointed out - fake it till you make it WORKS. And I also second the not disclosing your kissing history. Just act like you have so many times it isn't a big deal. Phateless - your attitude - personality - and intellect are also quite attractive. And your posts have been dead on. If I were single I would hit you up. I wish both of you the best of luck.
Phateless Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Phateless - your attitude - personality - and intellect are also quite attractive. And your posts have been dead on. If I were single I would hit you up. I wish both of you the best of luck. Why thank you girlie! It's good to have some female confirmation that I'm guiding in the right direction. 39388 - you are on the right track and you have the right attitude. Just keep it up and it will eventually get better. You are making progress bit by bit. The most important thing is that you are pushing through the fear. There's a famous quote, something to the effect of "courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is action in the face of fear."
Phateless Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I'm only doing a few lines in a first email from now on. It takes time to write each line the way I want, so I don't mind a shorter email. Good, that sounds perfect.
Author 39388 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 I'm trying to push therough that fear, but I keep getting new confusing situations. Another woman send a wink/flirt at me and I write back. She responds in a friendly way, but does not ask any questions. I can't tell whether or not it's a friendly way of saying "no" or maybe she's still interested. I'm trying to figure out what to do now.
Phateless Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I'm trying to push therough that fear, but I keep getting new confusing situations. Another woman send a wink/flirt at me and I write back. She responds in a friendly way, but does not ask any questions. I can't tell whether or not it's a friendly way of saying "no" or maybe she's still interested. I'm trying to figure out what to do now. You're always welcome to post snippets in here to get an idea. When in doubt, just assume she's interested. It's a dating site and she winked at you. Oversimplifying is actually really helpful, especially for overly analytical types like you and I. You go to the supermarket and bring an apple to the checkout counter. It's fair to assume you're thinking of buying it.
Author 39388 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 Do you have the same fear of talking to women in person as you do on the phone? If so, a good exercise for you may be to start chatting with women when you are out. I realize you don't live in the best city to do this (having lived there and the West Coast it is true the West Coast is a bit more laid back about chatting with strangers without having them think you want something from them). But just making a comment when you are in a line somewhere etc. may break you out of your shell a little bit. BTW - I have read quite a few of your posts and your intellect is SOOOOOOOO attractive. You have a lot more going for you than you think you do. And as another poster pointed out - fake it till you make it WORKS. And I also second the not disclosing your kissing history. Just act like you have so many times it isn't a big deal. I have some fear of talking to women in public, but sometimes I can do it. I definietly need to do it more often. I have an almost extreme fear of talking to a date possibility for the first time on the phone. I first worry about when to call and try to think when I can reach her, even though there's no way for me to know. Then when I do call, I may get the answering machine, I may get her and she has time to talk or worst of all I'll get her and she doesn't have time to talk. My heart is beating probably 120 times a minute while I'm dialing and when I do get her I tend to talk fast and very nervously. This goes away after a minute and things get back to normal, butI don't walways get a minute. With a phone, someone can immediately end the call. Not so much in a face to face interaction. Inexperience dating and fearing the phone together add up to tons of stress. I have improved some over the last couple of months and I imagine I'll improve a lot more with more practice. Thanks for the nice comment on my intellect. :)
clv0116 Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 I'm trying to push therough that fear, but I keep getting new confusing situations. Another woman send a wink/flirt at me and I write back. She responds in a friendly way, but does not ask any questions. I can't tell whether or not it's a friendly way of saying "no" or maybe she's still interested. I'm trying to figure out what to do now. Tell her you want to buy her a cup of her favorite beverage Wednesday afternoon after work. Specific enough?
Author 39388 Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 Tell her you want to buy her a cup of her favorite beverage Wednesday afternoon after work. Specific enough? I know how to ask someone out for coffee. That's the easy part (in a relative sense). The hard part is getting to that point.
Joey Popps Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 For some people online dating seems to work, for others it's a waste of time. I signed up for a couple of sites, one paid and a few free and besides a few email responses I never wound up with any dates. Mostly I gave up with online dating. I do much better in the real world at least getting numbers. The one site I only continued with because after six months it was guaranteed another six months or something. But they ripped me off and never gave me the extra six months anyway. And I discovered half the profiles on some of those paid sites are fake. Or over half the people I emailed suddenly deleted their profiles within a month or so. Out of hundreds of emails sent I probably got 1 or 2 replies. Then nothing. At least on The free sites I used I'd send out say 25 emails and get around 4 or 5 responses back. None of them ever led to dates and I noticed half the people who responded never even bothered to look at my profile. For me online dating was just a colossal waste of time. Not even one date over a 6 month period. I changed pictures, profile statements, change what I said in emails and none of that mattered. I guess I'm either too ugly and girls want nothing to do with me or I just contact the wrong ones all the time. It is pretty bad to not even get one date out of it after 6 months on multiple sites, paid and free.
Phateless Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 See that's crazy because I know people who hook up a new girl every week or two from those sites. I guess it just depends...
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