yeex Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Online dating doesn't work, its that simple. Most listed members are spam (especially on craigslist) and those who are left are usually just getting an account to see if they find anyone they know using the service. I've literally sent maybe a couple hundred emails with only a few legit replies that lasted only but a few emails at most. I'm not a bad looking guy either but, I've even done it without showing a picture just in case. Try a bookstore! They are great places to meet people. Coffee shops too, to a lesser degree I disagree with this. I don't know what services you are using but a couple hundred emails with only a few legit replies is not the norm. There are plenty of people on LS that have met decent people via online. I have already gone on two dates within the last month with decent girls I met online. I would avoid craigslist, that just seems sleazy and spam ridden. Again, I am using okcupid which is a free service and it is pretty neat. But yeah, I agree coffee shops and bookstores are good too. I just keep my online profile active because I cannot get to the coffee shops/bars/ and bookstores everyday.
bean1 Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Online dating doesn't work, its that simple. Really? Are you so sure about that? I've got a home, a 4 month old, and a pot roast cooking in the oven for my SO when he gets home. Lavalife. We both knew what we wanted and looked for others with those qualities.
Phateless Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Online dating doesn't work, its that simple. Most listed members are spam (especially on craigslist) and those who are left are usually just getting an account to see if they find anyone they know using the service. I've literally sent maybe a couple hundred emails with only a few legit replies that lasted only but a few emails at most. I'm not a bad looking guy either but, I've even done it without showing a picture just in case. Try a bookstore! They are great places to meet people. Coffee shops too, to a lesser degree Bitterness will get you nowhere in life. I met my SO on a dating site.
Phateless Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I did read the article and it was very good. My fitness is improving, but I'm not anywhere close to what most people would consider fit. I can hardly do one push up and not many situps and still weigh more than I should. I can't fix many years of neglect overnight. My fitness level may be a negative now, but I'm hoping I can turn it into a positive with enough effort. At least I do work out. The rest of your advice is also great. Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the article, it made a difference to me too. Keep working with the fitness, you will get there eventually.
yeex Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Thank you so much! I'm glad you enjoyed the article. What article are you guys referring too?
Phateless Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 What article are you guys referring too? To. To = direction ex: "i want to give this TO you." Too = also, in addition, as well, etc. ex: "you're going to the concert? I'm going too!" Anyway, we're referring to this article about how learned optimist is statistically proven to increase productivity and success. http://www.thecountry-club.com/pdf/Otimism%20Shulman%20Article.pdf
yeex Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 To. To = direction ex: "i want to give this TO you." Too = also, in addition, as well, etc. ex: "you're going to the concert? I'm going too!" ] Haha, you are correct. I am usually really good about that. I was in a hurry. Anyways, great article. Thanks for that. You can totally apply that to dating and many other aspects of life. Here is another good article I read from time to time: http://www.sosuave.com/articles/tipsheet.htm
stefspets Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 I met my fiance on craigslist--the only logical explanation is that we're both extremely sleazy.
Phateless Posted April 28, 2009 Posted April 28, 2009 Haha, you are correct. I am usually really good about that. I was in a hurry. Anyways, great article. Thanks for that. You can totally apply that to dating and many other aspects of life. Here is another good article I read from time to time: http://www.sosuave.com/articles/tipsheet.htm I agree, it applies to all aspects of life. That looks like a good read too, I'll spend more time on it when I'm not at work. Thanks.
Author 39388 Posted May 2, 2009 Author Posted May 2, 2009 Bitterness will get you nowhere in life. I met my SO on a dating site. How true a statement about bitterness. I've tried it many many times and not once has it brought me any happiness. I did have one strange contact on the dating site. Someone started chatting with me. Unfortunately, it was clear want she wanted within 2 minutes. Just for humor I chatted a bit longer. She would not tell me much about herself, except for her measurements and a few other things. She wanted to know exactly where I lived, which of course I would not tell her. She didn't even look at my profile. Still no responses to the emails I've sent out, but I know it's a numbers game. I plan on joining another site in a month or two and will also try much harder IRL.
BobSacamento Posted May 2, 2009 Posted May 2, 2009 Not only is it a numbers game but I also go through periods of hot and cold. Some weeks I'll be chatting to 3 or 4 women, other weeks I'd be lucky to get someone to view my profile. A good tip is to add new pics. Sometimes you'll shed a few pounds or get a new haircut. Just don't turn into one of those weirdos who changes their pics every week.
Author 39388 Posted May 4, 2009 Author Posted May 4, 2009 Not only is it a numbers game but I also go through periods of hot and cold. Some weeks I'll be chatting to 3 or 4 women, other weeks I'd be lucky to get someone to view my profile. A good tip is to add new pics. Sometimes you'll shed a few pounds or get a new haircut. Just don't turn into one of those weirdos who changes their pics every week. As I was responding to this message about to say that still no one has contected me, I get a respese from one of my messages from a couple weeks ago. We'll see what happens. I find the stress of it all a lot less than a couple months ago, but still more than I'd like. I think the longer I do this, the easier it will get.
Phateless Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 As I was responding to this message about to say that still no one has contected me, I get a respese from one of my messages from a couple weeks ago. We'll see what happens. I find the stress of it all a lot less than a couple months ago, but still more than I'd like. I think the longer I do this, the easier it will get. Absolutely. To a certain extent, you have to build a pipeline. At first it's just sending messages and then it becomes sending AND responding to messages, after a while you add dates into that mix, and so on. At this point you're just meeting people and seeing what happens.
SummerLady Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 Yeah, I really need to add dating IRL. I plan on joining some groups with common interests this summer. Hopefully that will help. What is IRL?????????
SummerLady Posted May 4, 2009 Posted May 4, 2009 in real life... Thanks. I know on line dating is not the end all. But how do you meet people when you are divorced with kids. Seems impossible. I think I am just overwhelmed by it all.......
Author 39388 Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 35 and never had a gf, huh? wow.... Just what I needed to read on a lonely Friday night. It seems I've made too many enemies on here. Yes, I've done so many boneheaded mistakes at every phase that it may be awhile longer before I have a girlfriend.
CandiceIsMe Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Just be yourself and let them know who you are, I've found meeting someone online to be wonderful in many ways. First, it works as a way to get to know someone without the pressure of the real world dating scene. As long as you are able to get your personality across to the other person through typing you should be fine.
Author 39388 Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 Just be yourself and let them know who you are, I've found meeting someone online to be wonderful in many ways. First, it works as a way to get to know someone without the pressure of the real world dating scene. As long as you are able to get your personality across to the other person through typing you should be fine. Being myself kept me without a girlfriend until 35. I'm tired of waiting and waiting and waiting while I see people 20 years younger than me have more experience. You can talk to people online, but you still have to go through the phone before meeting and that's where the dating games seem to get played. I've had a number show interest, but something went wrong with all but one. I got one date at least, though it didn't work out. The only way out of this mess seems to make far more significant changes to my personality than I imagined. I'll have to be much more of an a** than I'm comfortable being. Most women are not going to be impressed that I don't know how to kiss and don't know a thing about sex. How can I pretend knowledge of such things other than faking confidence.
agnickelson Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Try this website for a good comparison of online dating sites and some dating tips. http://www.truelovebeacon.com
Shygirl15 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I have a hunch that the initial contact mail will not make or break you. So don't not send one because you fear you might screw it up for yourself. Odds are she's already decided whether she's into you just from your profile/picture, she's just waiting on the contact. I'd say don't go too long, make it personal to them and most of all - ask questions. Jesus Christ, not true! I've emailed several women. No response back from any. Maybe I need to email a large number to get a response or maybe my emails need work? OK, I'll try to tell you what not to do: Please, first of all don't send a flirt or ice breaker, whatever they call it. Plain stupid. Don't send email with just some "hello, how are you doing today", because that also sound stupid. Don't ask questions that have already been explained in her profile. Words like "pretty/cutie/sweetie" etc, are such a turn off as well.
Author 39388 Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 OK, I'll try to tell you what not to do: Please, first of all don't send a flirt or ice breaker, whatever they call it. Plain stupid. Don't send email with just some "hello, how are you doing today", because that also sound stupid. Don't ask questions that have already been explained in her profile. Words like "pretty/cutie/sweetie" etc, are such a turn off as well. I have tried both. So far no responses at all to personalized emails, but I have gotten responses to flirts which have led to back and forth messages. Maybe a coincidence since the sample is small? The very hard part is getting the phone numbers and deciding when to call and getting through the phone games woman have played multiple times with me. I can't seem to call when they are there and usually end up leaving a message which is not returned. Why act excited about wanting me to call? I don't get it.
Phateless Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I have tried both. So far no responses at all to personalized emails, but I have gotten responses to flirts which have led to back and forth messages. Maybe a coincidence since the sample is small? The very hard part is getting the phone numbers and deciding when to call and getting through the phone games woman have played multiple times with me. I can't seem to call when they are there and usually end up leaving a message which is not returned. Why act excited about wanting me to call? I don't get it. It feels like games now because you're still learning the process. Over time you'll understand and figure it out. Experiment with differents times and strategies to see what works. Don't worry about doing the wrong thing, just look at it as a learning experience. As far as first contact, all dude meant is that you want to try to say something a little different than everyone else, and not interview her with the same questions EVERYONE asks her. If you can say something interesting and unusual that she doesn't hear often it will score you points. Now there's definitely a place for the standard issue questions, but they shouldn't be right away.
ruggy Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Yea, well, with O.D. I am still striking out on the e-mails. Sent well over 150 and not one bite. Here is the e-mail I use. Is it that bad? "I came across your profile and just want to tell you what a pleasure it was to read, not to mention the fact that you look amazing in those pics. Anyways, check out my profile and find that it interests you, then I'd love to hear back from you."
Intricategirl Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 You have to be memorable, but not in a creepy way. I only respond to guys that seem like they are actually bothering to read my profile, rather than just randomly messaging any female who happens to show up on the site. I mean, I've had guys that don't bother even changing the subject line from "Insert subject line here." Don't mention chatting in your first message to them. If they want to chat with you, they will. Otherwise, it just sounds like you want to see them naked on a webcam. Specifically mention what intrigues you. If nothing intrigues you apart from them being a female, don't bother writing them!! I had one guy contact me that I absolutely MUST write back, because he was so specific and interested in something I had in my profile. The fact that he brought it up was cool. If there's something I list as a strong turn-off and your username or profile indicates that you're really into it, I probably won't bother. For example, NascarLvr33 will probably not get a response from me because I mention how loathsome it is to me, and it feels like you didn't bother paying attention even during the most basic introduction. And remember that woman are probably getting a lot more mail than men on these sites, so it leads to this imbalanced situation where we can afford to be very picky about who we write back. Sorry, but there it is... And most of all, even if you're awesome in the email, we may get to the profile and think, "Hmmm. That's it? He seemed so witty in the email, but this is kind of bland." Don't be afraid to be a little different. The first person I ever responded to had a survey and asked questions such as, "Would you defend the fort?" and "True or False: Moving my lips helps me read faster." It was so witty that it wasn't until after I responded and hit send that I realized, "Oh crap! I just responded to a Craigslist personal ad!! I sooo didn't mean to do that!!"
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