Athena Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 I've never made this threat, but he has told me a thousand times, "If you tell my wife, then what will that accomplish? I will be hurt, she will be hurt, you will be hurt." Which is true. He's also said, "The future of my family rests on you keeping quiet." I don't think he would appreciate being threatened this way... Who cares an F about his not appreciating being threatened in this way? You will put the responsibility in HIS hands -- i.e. you tell him, "It's over. I never want to see you again. I never want you to try contact me again. If you DO -- I will tell your wife. Then YOU will be to blame for hurting your wife and the future of your family. It's your choice. Goodbye" That ought to do it.
Athena Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Listen, you are being extremely silly if you think you have to uphold yourself to a certain standard here, in trying to end this AFFAIR with a Married Man, who is almost TWICE your age, and is taking advantage of your naivety!!! Understand this: He is using you. He will manipulate you in any way you let him. Clearly you find yourself infatuated with him and find it difficult to end this affair. But you want to end it, so do it. You cannot then claim you cannot end it by saying things 'he will not appreciate'... who gives a rat's arse if the liar doesn't like the way you end this affair?! Come on.
jj33 Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Athena is giving you good advice once again. Why do you care whether he will appreciate it. Is it because you care what he thinks of you? Or because you are afraid of what he might do if you upset him? If it is the latter, then tell someone. And make sure you are never alone with him. DO NOT meet him on your own to tell him. Just tell him next time he calls you. And do not call him to tell him. If you arent communicating with someone, you dont communicate with them. You dont call them to tell them you arent communicating with them. If it is the former, you need to care more about yourself than someone who is dangerous to you. Even if he were not a danger physically he is a danger to you emotionally. Take control. Now.
fooled once Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 Doesn't sound like you really want to end it. You tell him to leave you alone and he doesn't. DISRESPECT. And you take it time and time again. We treat others how to treat us. By allowing him to disrespect you, you are showing him that you will accept that. <shrug> Sounds like you really are right where you want to be -- in a relationship with a man who will NEVER leave his wife for you. He has told you that by his words and actions. Enjoy!
Lucky_One Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I've never made this threat, but he has told me a thousand times, "If you tell my wife, then what will that accomplish? I will be hurt, she will be hurt, you will be hurt." Which is true. He's also said, "The future of my family rests on you keeping quiet." I don't think he would appreciate being threatened this way... If you have never brought up this topic, why is HE bringing it up? And why is he bringing it up a thousand times? You don't think he would appreciate being threatened this way? You're right. And the reason he told you that you will be hurt if you inform his wife is that he is threatening you, indirectly possibly, but certainly telling you what will happen if you do tell. So how do YOU like being threatened that way? Never become involved with a man who is a self-described abuser. Now, when he hits or threatens you, he can say with a clear conscious "Well I told her that I hit women"
Owl Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 I've never made this threat, but he has told me a thousand times, "If you tell my wife, then what will that accomplish? I will be hurt, she will be hurt, you will be hurt." Which is true. He's also said, "The future of my family rests on you keeping quiet." I don't think he would appreciate being threatened this way... OK...you're looking at this all wrong. Do you know what he was REALLY telling you when he said the above to you? It wasn't "we'll all end up hurt". He was telling you "I don't want you to tell my wife, and so I'm going to convince you that it's pointless to do so." In other words...he told you that this is your leverage point to get him off you...this is his weakness. He tried to convince you that it WASN'T his weakness with his silly little comments, but what it really did was point it out to you. What would the threat of telling his wife accomplish? You're right...he wouldn't appreciate being threatened that way...but if he thought you were serious, you can bet he'd take active measures to avoid that consequence...such as doing what you told him to do. Actually telling his wife would accomplish a LOT more than just hurting everyone involved. It would give her a chance to make a choice about what she wants out of this marriage, given his actions. It would give her the information SHE NEEDS to make her own decisions. It would force him to suffer consequences for his actions. It would also very likely make it impossible (or darned difficult) for him to continue to pressure you to maintain the affair...because his wife would now have opened eyes and be watching him like a hawk. You missed the REAL message in his statements here, by taking them at face value rather than thinking about the motive behind his telling you that it would be pointless to tell his wife. The real message was that he didn't want you to tell her because he knew that it wouldn't be pointless. He didn't want you to tell her because he knew it would be effective.
manugeorge Posted April 23, 2009 Posted April 23, 2009 You poor thing, I wish you thought better of yourself and held yourself in higher esteem than this. When a person's self worth is low, any kind of attention, no matter how negative, is not only welcome, but flattering. He's not the only one getting his ego fed, you are feeding your ego with his words, his "you're the only person I can talk to", "it's so hot a 22 year old is into me". You are flattered that he SEEMS to like you and you are sopping all that up with a biscuit. I say this because I see myself where you are. At a low point in my life when I felt invisible, like I didn't matter to anyone. I was tempted by an affair with a much older married man. I liked the attention he gave me. As bad as I felt about myself at that time, attention from ANYONE would have sufficed. My radar was off and my filter was shot. I just wanted somebody....anybody to notice me. This man did, he said all the right words too, just like your guy is saying. And it all just made me swoon, I thought he cared about me, I thought I cared about him. Bleh, we were both just using each other to stroke our egos. Luckily for me, I snapped out of my depression before things went to far but I still regret flirting with him. The funny thing about it is that he is not someone I would touch with a 10ft pole if I wasn't in the funk I found myself. EVERYTHING about him screamed wrong. You probably just enjoy the attention you are getting from him but it is not healthy or productive attention in any way, shape or form. There is something empowering about uncompromising morals and values. Don't date someone you are ashamed to show off in public.
mental_traveller Posted April 26, 2009 Posted April 26, 2009 Tell him to get a divorce or you will tell his wife about the affair. The look in his face will be priceless!
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