Els Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Been reading through all those threads about men and women hurting because they found out that their relationship had been a lie, or their partner left them for another man/woman, or just bailed out of the relationship for no reason whatsoever. Before this, I always thought that I and my relationship was different. My instincts were good. I'd never had any of my exes do any of those things to me before... but then that little voice whispers, there's always a first time. Our relationship is going well... little voice says all the other peoples' partners also say and do those same nice and sweet things, except they don't mean it! I believe I'm special, our connection is special and I'm a rare find, because he tells me so... and that little voice asks how many people had believed that before everything did a 180 turn! I'd never been insecure before where relationships were concerned. But now the seeds of it are niggling through. And ironically it's not because of something he said or did. It's because of all that reading that I did. Yet those threads only speak of reality. Blindingly harsh reality. Why is it that I can't handle that? Why is it making me insecure?
xpaperxcutx Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Maybe you were subconsciously insecure about the relationship to begin with? You're spending too much time in the forums. Take some time away and spend it with your bf. You'll come back with a fresher perspective on things.
Author Els Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 Maybe you were subconsciously insecure about the relationship to begin with? You're spending too much time in the forums. Take some time away and spend it with your bf. You'll come back with a fresher perspective on things. Hmm. Certainly the subconscious is possible, but I really don't think so. I think it really did stem from all the reading. Oh I would, I usually only come here when I'm free from studies and the bf isn't around to talk to. Unfortunately he's currently several thousand miles away and several hours of timezones apart, and therefore sleeping now. Maybe I should phrase the question in a more general way. How do you guys deal with insecurity especially if you know your partner has given you absolutely no reason to feel insecure? Besides not reading the forums, that is. I hope it won't have to come to that. Maybe I should stay away from threads of that type, but I feel so much empathy for people in that sort of situation!
xpaperxcutx Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Hmm. Certainly the subconscious is possible, but I really don't think so. I think it really did stem from all the reading. Oh I would, I usually only come here when I'm free from studies and the bf isn't around to talk to. He's currently several thousand miles away and several hours of timezones apart. Maybe I should phrase the question in a more general way. How do you guys deal with insecurity especially if you know your partner has given you absolutely no reason to feel insecure? Besides not reading the forums, that is. I hope it won't have to come to that. Maybe I should stay away from threads of that type, but I feel so much empathy for people in that sort of situation! There you go, you're too empathic. Everything should be taken with a grain of salt, especially when it involves this forum. We can give advice and receive them in return, but when we log off and go back to the real world, we also have to deal with problems based on what we think are right and wrong. How do I deal with my insecurities? I won't let things affect me unless I have substantial evidence to prove otherwise. The thing about insecurities is that they will give you a feeling of depressed thoughts. So I remove myself from said thoughts by involving myself in other things. I take up exercising or even just a walk in the park to lighten my mood.
Sam Spade Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 1) You're not special - it is very important to remember that because that's precisely the mindset that facilitates neglecting/ignorring common relationship problems 2) A healthy does of paranoia is nothing to be ashamed of as long as it is not out of control to interfere with how you interact 3) Everybody is innocent (or has an A+) until proven guilty (or hands in a C- homework)
Author Els Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 There you go, you're too empathic. Everything should be taken with a grain of salt, especially when it involves this forum. We can give advice and receive them in return, but when we log off and go back to the real world, we also have to deal with problems based on what we think are right and wrong. How do I deal with my insecurities? I won't let things affect me unless I have substantial evidence to prove otherwise. The thing about insecurities is that they will give you a feeling of depressed thoughts. So I remove myself from said thoughts by involving myself in other things. I take up exercising or even just a walk in the park to lighten my mood. Thanks, very good advice IMO. I suppose it certainly wouldn't be fair to him to suddenly go all insecure just because of some random thoughts spurred by reading, when I definitely have no evidence (substantial or otherwise) that would prove anything of the sort. The only unfortunate thing is that it's a bit difficult to go for walks at 6am.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Thanks, very good advice IMO. I suppose it certainly wouldn't be fair to him to suddenly go all insecure just because of some random thoughts spurred by reading, when I definitely have no evidence (substantial or otherwise) that would prove anything of the sort. The only unfortunate thing is that it's a bit difficult to go for walks at 6am. Do you have a park near where you live? Where I live there's a park 8 block away. I used to go there at 8 at night or 8 in the morning just to get a breath of fresh air.
Author Els Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 Do you have a park near where you live? Where I live there's a park 8 block away. I used to go there at 8 at night or 8 in the morning just to get a breath of fresh air. Yes, but people walking alone get robbed in broad daylight there. Going alone at 6am would be quite suicidal methinks.
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