39388 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Shortie, men are jerks, this much we know to be true. I dated a pr*ck one time who told me when we broke up, his seeing me was analogous to a pitcher spending time in the minor leagues to boost his confidence in order to return to the majors. Of course, he told me this over the phone, otherwise I'd have his you-know what right beside me here in a jar. What kind of a statement is "men are jerks"? Sure, the idiot man you dated was a jerk, but don't make such generalizations. Men and women both can be wonderful people, jerks or anything in between. I would *not* want to date a woman who thinks men are jerks.
johan Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Give him a break. It has been snowing like hell. Maybe he just wants to wait until a nicer day.
39388 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I disagree. Sometimes I have work issues come up and I have to bail. I don't work fixed hours, and I am not going to potentially lose money/business to meet up with someone who is a complete stranger and has only about a 5% chance of being my next gf. If a woman did this to me, I would RUN. It is a laughable excuse. If a man (or a woman) can't find time for a date, then why bother setting it up?
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 Men and women both can be wonderful people, jerks or anything in between. I would *not* want to date a woman who thinks men are jerks. True dat. Give him a break. It has been snowing like hell. Maybe he just wants to wait until a nicer day. *scratches head*. It was like 70 here today. And sunny. I guess I missed the snow.
EYECANDY000 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 If a man (or a woman) can't find time for a date, then why bother setting it up? Its called an unexpected emergency. granted I understnd that maybe the guuy was bailing out on the date, but maybe he wasnt. whos to say that there wasnt an emergency. And now Jersey wont know since, she told the guy not to wory about re sceduling. Sorry, but I stand by my statement. If he was being non chalant about the date then he wouldnt have made initiative to even tell her that he was breaking the date. He would have just never called, texted, or emailed. Besides, she is a total stranger to him so why would he feel the need to justify his actions.
39388 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Its called an unexpected emergency. whos to say that there wasnt an emergency. And now Jersey wont know since, she told the guy not to wory about re sceduling. Sorry, but I stand by my statement. It seems kind of like the student who says "my dog ate my homework". He would have already *called* her and told her there was an emergency or at least what happned. He didn't. Jersey deserves better and there and plenty of guys out there who have more respect for a woman's time.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 And now Jersey wont know since, she told the guy not to wory about re sceduling. Sorry, but I stand by my statement. And I stand by mine. He doesn't need to justify anything to me but he does need to be accountable for his actions when he involves me in them. The guy texted messaged me to cancel on our date and left it at that. Sorry, you need to work a little harder then that if you want the enjoyment of my company. Don't be lazy and then expect me to run through hoops giving graciousness and leeway and justification to certain actions when he can't even do the same. It seems to me you think I need to be the one working harder to give graciousness and understanding to a man that typed me a 8 word text message to back out of a promise he made. And yes, a date or a meeting of any kind is a promise to another person. Not going to happen. I will give back what I get.
Jaytb Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I think you're right to be on his case since he didn't even give a reason. But many people are just plain bad at communicating. So he might have just been dense when sending these texts. Needless to say, I don't view a date or meeting as a promise. He probably doesn't either. That's probably why he asked to reschedule.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 You are giving your word that you will meet someone at a certain place and time. How is that not a promise to do something?
Jaytb Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 You are giving your word that you will meet someone at a certain place and time. How is that not a promise to do something? Well, by that definition it is a promise. But in the real world, dates change, times change. Look, I told you you're right to be on his case about it. But there could be millions of reasons for why he canceled. Him not saying why is a good reason not to continue contact, but who knows, he might have had a good reason to cancel. Let's not jump on the presumption bandwagon.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 Well, by that definition it is a promise. But in the real world, dates change, times change. I didn't realize that giving someone your word that you will meet them at a certain place and time and expecting them to follow through means I am not living in the real world. Look, I told you you're right to be on his case about it. But there could be millions of reasons for why he canceled. Him not saying why is a good reason not to continue contact... Agree.
Jaytb Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I didn't realize that giving someone your word that you will meet them at a certain place and time and expecting them to follow through 100% of the time means I am not living in the real world. Fixed that for you.
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I don't get making a date with someone and then blowing them off. Anyone else experience this? Yes, and quite often, back when I was single; so much so that I set up an account with Exxon to buy stock with the money from those aborted dates. I smile now thinking about those women who bailed on me. Perhaps that was one of the reasons I married my wife; she did what she said she was going to do JS, sorry to hear about your spoiled Saturday. I know I went to a few movies by myself back in the day, just because I didn't want to feel the evening was a total failure. Either that or got out the Mustang and drove real fast
BobSacamento Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Honestly, it sounds like your bailing on him.
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 If I'm hearing JS right, it's not that he canceled but rather how he went about it. She might have bailed on him eventually; who is to know? That's how dating works. That said, IMO, we teach people how to treat us and, by setting a firm boundary, he now knows, without any ambiguity, that she was displeased with his actions. It's up to him to figure out which ones
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 That is exactly it Carhill. It's how he did it and I guess I am just at a point in my life where I know better not to take certain crap. When I was younger, and a guy did something I thought was careless, I would have been all smiles and "that's okay" even if I was hurt about it. But I just can't do that anymore and honestly, I don't want to. Yes, and quite often, back when I was single; so much so that I set up an account with Exxon to buy stock with the money from those aborted dates. I smile now thinking about those women who bailed on me. Perhaps that was one of the reasons I married my wife; she did what she said she was going to do I hope it's not the only reason because it sounds just a tiny bit unromantic. I can see me in 10 years "I married him because he asked me to go places and then we actually would go." JS, sorry to hear about your spoiled Saturday. I know I went to a few movies by myself back in the day, just because I didn't want to feel the evening was a total failure. Either that or got out the Mustang and drove real fast I am not a confident enough creature to be going to the movies by myself on a Saturday night. I can easily do this on a week night though. It's okay though, I did some self grooming, posted here, downloaded some itunes and watched episodes of Life and imaged what it would be like having little red headed babies with the main character.
BobSacamento Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I just don't get the whole ruined night thing. Maybe my friends and I are just not big planners. Like a bunch of my friends went to a concert tonight but I didn't like the band. But if I decide to go I could walk out right then and check it out. On most weekend nights I can just throw a text out and see what's up and head to the bar they are at. I do feel for you though. I had someone cancel through IM that they couldn't make it to the first meet up. It sucked and I was bummed. But to not give them a chance? I think it's foolish. I don't know whether this is a trend of the person yet because I barely know them. Also, this is why for first meets I do weekdays. I don't want a crappy date to ruin my weekend lol.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 So I had this guy from a website I am part of contact me. Anyway, he was good about taking the lead, moving things along, asking for my number and working up to tonight, planning to meet up for dinner. Since this was a first meeting, I suggested to him that we should just met for drinks. That's all I really wanted to do but he was pretty insistant about the dinner and when I made that suggestion said when he drinks, he likes to eat too. So I was like "okay whatever" and just going with the flow, I agreed to dinner. Well today we were to go out and he just cancelled on me via text. WTF. Apologizing and saying he had to reschdule in the message. I really hate cell phones because alot of men think this is a good way to communicate and it's really just the lazy way to communicate. Anyway, he asked me if we could reschdule and I told him not to worry about reschduling and said good-bye. I know things can come up but how many times does this happen then not. He pursued me, asked for my number, asked to go out to dinner, told me he was excited about meeting me and then bails. I was looking forward to tonight. I have not been dating lately and this was the first date I have made since last year. So now I feel doubly discouraged. Good times. I don't get making a date with someone and then blowing them off. Anyone else experience this? Um maybe something really did come up? it can happen if it was the 1st time hes done that to you then I think you really overreacted. So was it more the fact he did it by text rather then call you that Pissed you off? Texting is quickly becoming the new way to communicate doesn't bother me I go with the Flo sorry to hear it upset you...
39388 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 You are giving your word that you will meet someone at a certain place and time. How is that not a promise to do something? I agree. People who don't give their word this early on seem like trouble. When someone has to cancel, as you said it *does matter* how they cancel. An 8 word text would not make me happy either.
You'reasian Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 So I had this guy from a website I am part of contact me. Anyway, he was good about taking the lead, moving things along, asking for my number and working up to tonight, planning to meet up for dinner. Since this was a first meeting, I suggested to him that we should just met for drinks. That's all I really wanted to do but he was pretty insistant about the dinner and when I made that suggestion said when he drinks, he likes to eat too. So I was like "okay whatever" and just going with the flow, I agreed to dinner. Well today we were to go out and he just cancelled on me via text. WTF. Apologizing and saying he had to reschdule in the message. I really hate cell phones because alot of men think this is a good way to communicate and it's really just the lazy way to communicate. Anyway, he asked me if we could reschdule and I told him not to worry about reschduling and said good-bye. I know things can come up but how many times does this happen then not. He pursued me, asked for my number, asked to go out to dinner, told me he was excited about meeting me and then bails. I was looking forward to tonight. I have not been dating lately and this was the first date I have made since last year. So now I feel doubly discouraged. Good times. I don't get making a date with someone and then blowing them off. Anyone else experience this? Dating sites produce lots of flakes, I've found - so I don't use them. Too many people dating too many people, overwhelmed with the number of hits they get.
Chicago_Guy Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 This guy sounds like a douche. I wouldn't give him another chance if I were you - he showed how little he thinks of you by canceling with a text message. However, many women do the same thing, so this isn't a gender-specific thing. It is hard to meet someone compatible, especially on the Internet. I tried eHarmony last year and thought it totally sucked. The women I met were the types I never would have gone for if I had initially met them in person.
carhill Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I hope it's not the only reason because it sounds just a tiny bit unromantic. I can see me in 10 years "I married him because he asked me to go places and then we actually would go. LOL, nope, only part of the reasons. See, I'm very romantic, probably more so then than now, and am a planner. It's part of my personality. When a woman bails, especially casually and without care, I find that very disrespectful, just as you apparently did with this man. So my romantic side is balanced by my practical and emotional side and I value(d) a woman who makes her chosen commitments a priority. There are people who are very successful in dating and romance with a casual and non-committal attitude. The key is finding like-minded and compatible partners. In your shoes, I would not have found this man's methodology and romantic style compatible. Fine perhaps for someone else There is one trap I would suggest being aware of, that of remaining too closed out of self-defense. When I had enough of these negative experiences, I tended to project a negative attitude about them and it permeated the signals I was sending out, almost like I expected new contacts to fail. Not healthy. I had to change my perspective, though I really didn't understand the process at that time. Best wishes!
moman Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 My first thought was that maybe he made a connection with you on this website and read your rants.....j/k Seriously though I wish both sexes would stop wasting each others' time. You did great by making it clear there would be no reschedule.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 My first thought was that maybe he made a connection with you on this website and read your rants.....j/k Cheap and below the belt shot on a thread I posted something personal about. I will remember to give you the same respect next time you decide to post something personal of your life. Oh if you are going to say something, don't hide being a "j/k". Man up to it or don't say it at all. We both know that that was added to hide behind your cheap shot. There is one trap I would suggest being aware of, that of remaining too closed out of self-defense. When I had enough of these negative experiences, I tended to project a negative attitude about them and it permeated the signals I was sending out, almost like I expected new contacts to fail. Not healthy. I had to change my perspective, though I really didn't understand the process at that time. Carhill, you are rather Zen, aren't you.
Recommended Posts