Jersey Shortie Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 So I had this guy from a website I am part of contact me. Anyway, he was good about taking the lead, moving things along, asking for my number and working up to tonight, planning to meet up for dinner. Since this was a first meeting, I suggested to him that we should just met for drinks. That's all I really wanted to do but he was pretty insistant about the dinner and when I made that suggestion said when he drinks, he likes to eat too. So I was like "okay whatever" and just going with the flow, I agreed to dinner. Well today we were to go out and he just cancelled on me via text. WTF. Apologizing and saying he had to reschdule in the message. I really hate cell phones because alot of men think this is a good way to communicate and it's really just the lazy way to communicate. Anyway, he asked me if we could reschdule and I told him not to worry about reschduling and said good-bye. I know things can come up but how many times does this happen then not. He pursued me, asked for my number, asked to go out to dinner, told me he was excited about meeting me and then bails. I was looking forward to tonight. I have not been dating lately and this was the first date I have made since last year. So now I feel doubly discouraged. Good times. I don't get making a date with someone and then blowing them off. Anyone else experience this?
The Collector Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Maybe he had a big spot on the tip of his nose.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Actually I never had anyone bail on me. Usually I was the one who bailed. I don't know if his reasons are the same as mine, but I reassure you I don't do it on purpose. Things might come up and I usually make it a point to contact personally contact them, for example, over the phone to let them know. Usually, when people bail, they either: had build up too much expectation and then realized they didn't want to go out or they're playing games. That's why you should make have backup plans in case such situations occur. However it's only the first date and I'm not sure if you would give him another chance or not. But if the second date doesn't pan out either, you know what kind of person he is. Don't contact him anymore until he contacts you for another date.
Els Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 If he was just blowing you off, I doubt he would've asked to reschedule, right?
39388 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 What disgusting behavior. There is no excuse for it, except for an emergency. It is idiotic to waste other people's time. I haven't had that happen but have had troubles with the phone. I talked to a woman on the phone for a little while and things seemed to go well. She says she needed to do something and will call me back "soon". No call back so I assumed that she didn't want talk to me anymore. The next afternoon she texts me saying she was sorry and was still interested and I can call her that evening. I call and she isn't there and leave a message. I never hear from her again. She only wasted minutes of my time, but I found out the words "communication" and "not into games" in her profile were meaningless. At least it's good to know early on if someone is not reliable. The earlier, the better.
Sam Spade Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Actually I never had anyone bail on me. Usually I was the one who bailed. I don't know if his reasons are the same as mine, but I reassure you I don't do it on purpose. Things might come up and I usually make it a point to contact personally contact them, for example, over the phone to let them know. Usually, when people bail, they either: had build up too much expectation and then realized they didn't want to go out or they're playing games. That's why you should make have backup plans in case such situations occur. However it's only the first date and I'm not sure if you would give him another chance or not. But if the second date doesn't pan out either, you know what kind of person he is. Don't contact him anymore until he contacts you for another date. Nobody bails on cute (and hot) asian girls .
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 To the guys with the snarky comments, maybe you can save it for other threads where I don't post personal parts of my life? Thanks. Maybe he had a big spot on the tip of his nose. If he had a big spot on the tip of his nose wouldn't he have followed through? That's why you should make have backup plans in case such situations occur. However it's only the first date and I'm not sure if you would give him another chance or not. But if the second date doesn't pan out either, you know what kind of person he is. Don't contact him anymore until he contacts you for another date. To me, it seems impossible to make back up plans everytime you are suppose to go out on a date. I texted him back and said: "don't worry about rescheduling. Bye "insert his name here"." Now I will be sitting home this Saturday night. If you can't even make the first date and if you can't pick up the phone to call me, that's two strikes already in my opinion. Another weird thing about this guy was that he was telling me about this job he was interviewing for and had to make a video resume for it. He posted it to Youtube and shared the link with me. I thought that was a bit weird to be honest. I don't want to sound completely naive but why would you post that to youtube?
OpenBook Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 The same thing happened to me recently with an online guy. He responded to my personal ad, pushed for a phone conversation, and (during the phone conversation) pushed for a date. Then he emailed me the next day saying I lived too far away from him, and good luck. I wanted to respond with "Thank you SO much for wasting my time. Please do not contact me again." But I didn't. My GF tells me that I will hear from him again, and to just ignore him when that happens. She has dealt with that "type" before. Some guys amount to nothing more than a bad case of dandruff - flakey as hell. Just like some girls out there are flakey too. In the jungle of the dating world, I consider it to be collateral damage.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Jersey, this happens a lot with online dating. A LOT. It's happened to pretty much every woman I know who has done it. Pretty, not so pretty, doesn't matter. People just become losers when they go online. Or online attracts a lot of losers. Im not saying everyone who does online is a loser, just that it seems to attract that sort.
EYECANDY000 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 It seems like you kind of jumped the gun a little bit. Granted, canceling on someone last minute and doing by text is not the greatest way to tell someone. A lot of times things do come up last minute and someone have to rescedule. Give the poor guy another chance. and if he cancels then he is missing out on missing a great person.
kiki30 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 I'm new to dating, but recently I have learned that *********s abound! The flakey m.o of pursuing you and then when they bail on you for no reason, usually there is someone else in the picture, I myself am trying not to spend too much time trying to figure out why, why, why b/c it really doesn't matter why anyone really worth your time, ain't gonna send you a last minute sorry but text! He would have eventually exhibited the same behaviour, possibly on the third or fourth date, at least you are not really really into him at this point.
39388 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 It seems like you kind of jumped the gun a little bit. Granted, canceling on someone last minute and doing by text is not the greatest way to tell someone. A lot of times things do come up last minute and someone have to rescedule. Give the poor guy another chance. and if he cancels then he is missing out on missing a great person. I don't agree. If there is something else so much more important, then she is certainly not a priority to him. If there was something *really* important or some emergency he would have told her what was going on. He is just wasting her time and doesn't deserve another moment of her time. There are better people out there. Also, just becuse a lot of people do it, does not mean it is ok.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 Jersey, this happens a lot with online dating. A LOT. It's happened to pretty much every woman I know who has done it. Pretty, not so pretty, doesn't matter. People just become losers when they go online. Or online attracts a lot of losers. Im not saying everyone who does online is a loser, just that it seems to attract that sort. Thanks Cherry, knowing it happens to others online makes me feel a little better. Just disappointed. I was looking forward to a night out on a date since I haven't been on one in long time. And I liked the fact that he was proactive in the beginning and was all like "oh I will pick the place and set it up and let you know." Lol, looks like he lucked out. Thanks for your mean words. It seems like you kind of jumped the gun a little bit. Granted, canceling on someone last minute and doing by text is not the greatest way to tell someone. A lot of times things do come up last minute and someone have to rescedule. Give the poor guy another chance. and if he cancels then he is missing out on missing a great person. Seriously, I texted messaged him hours ago in response to his last text and he hasn't responded. Unless he has a limb that is falling off his body or is growing another head, I'm not going to hold my breath.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 If there is something else so much more important, then she is certainly not a priority to him. If there was something *really* important or some emergency he would have told her what was going on. That was 100% my thoughts exactly. If he called and explained that there was emergency, I would have been more understanding.
DMoon Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 To me, it seems impossible to make back up plans everytime you are suppose to go out on a date. I texted him back and said: "don't worry about rescheduling. Bye "insert his name here"." . Another weird thing about this guy was that he was telling me about this job he was interviewing for and had to make a video resume for it. He posted it to Youtube and shared the link with me. I thought that was a bit weird to be honest. I don't want to sound completely naive but why would you post that to youtube? You did the right thing Jersey by cutting him off. Texting is so weak, thus if he attempts to contact you, probably block him. Doesn't sound like you were too into him anyway. As others have noted, awful, flakey behavior is exacerbated online; therefore you should have a zero tolerance policy, especially if they end up being milquetoast wastrels. The whole exercise looked like it was an ego thing for him. Women are castigated for being attention whores on-line, but this guy did the same thing. It can be a blow to your esteem but you'll meet somone way better next time, just make sure online is a supplement and not your main source. Take care.
Joker77 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Kind of dealing with a girl doing the same thing. She has made plans with me a few times only to say that she is tired or some friend just came in from out of town. I've tried to give her the benefit of the doubt because she works a lot and goes to school. I've basically backed off and have been exploring other options. This girl is really cool, but I don't want to invest time into something if it's not going to go anywhere.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 Joker, I would focus your energy on other girls. Someone once told me "we show people how to treat us". Which made it easy for me to just tell that guy that we won't be rescheduling. Doesn't sound like you were too into him anyway. He seemed nice. I didn't really know enough about him to be inclusive of my interest either way. I am trying to branch out of the usual guys I go for. Still got me dateless though lol. ''... especially if they end up being milquetoast wastrels. Milquetoast wastrels? I love that But what does that mean?? "... just make sure online is a supplement and not your main source. Take care. " I wish it was easier to meet men out and about but that's kind of why I am trying the online thing, not so easy to meet guys out and about.
39388 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 That was 100% my thoughts exactly. If he called and explained that there was emergency, I would have been more understanding. Don't give up on it. There are good men out there. It took me 5 women before I got a date. The first 4 either played games or made confusing statements as to whether they were interested. Even though the date did not work out (not enough in common), at least she showed up.
Cherry Blossom 35 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 It seems like you kind of jumped the gun a little bit. Granted, canceling on someone last minute and doing by text is not the greatest way to tell someone. A lot of times things do come up last minute and someone have to rescedule. Give the poor guy another chance. and if he cancels then he is missing out on missing a great person. With all due respect, EyeCandy, I have to disagree with you. I mean, how often does a true emergency come up RIGHT BEFORE you are supposed to go on a date? Very rarely. In my vast dating experience as well as in my observations of my friends, I have noticed that when someone bails out, doesn't call when they are supposed to, changes plans, it is never a good sign. No matter how good their excuse, and sometimes they are pretty good, it never bodes well. There is always something holding them back. Why waste your time.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 Update on my evening so far: haven't showered today, in plaid fannel pants and a tee shirt, drinking heated up coffee from this morning downloading itunes while my cat lounges in the distance.
mental_traveller Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 With all due respect, EyeCandy, I have to disagree with you. I mean, how often does a true emergency come up RIGHT BEFORE you are supposed to go on a date? Very rarely. In my vast dating experience as well as in my observations of my friends, I have noticed that when someone bails out, doesn't call when they are supposed to, changes plans, it is never a good sign. No matter how good their excuse, and sometimes they are pretty good, it never bodes well. There is always something holding them back. Why waste your time. I disagree. Sometimes I have work issues come up and I have to bail. I don't work fixed hours, and I am not going to potentially lose money/business to meet up with someone who is a complete stranger and has only about a 5% chance of being my next gf. There are several legit reasons to bail on a date. As long as you actually inform the other person as soon as you can, I don't think it's bad. I agree that repeated bailing is bad, but this guy only did it once. Yes, odds are he's a flake, but there's probably a 30% chance he's a genuine guy who had a genuine reason he couldn't make it. If that happened to me I'd give one chance with benefit of the doubt. You will quickly find out if someone's a flake anyway.
Isolde Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Update on my evening so far: haven't showered today, in plaid fannel pants and a tee shirt, drinking heated up coffee from this morning downloading itunes while my cat lounges in the distance. That sounds a lot better than some awkward dinner date to me...
Pamcat826 Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Shortie, men are jerks, this much we know to be true. I dated a pr*ck one time who told me when we broke up, his seeing me was analogous to a pitcher spending time in the minor leagues to boost his confidence in order to return to the majors. Of course, he told me this over the phone, otherwise I'd have his you-know what right beside me here in a jar. I think some of these guys use online women to get their game sharp and confidence up for women the really want to date. All I ever met online were bald, fat middle-aged men who either couldn't get it up or who had trouble keeping it up without the help of little blue pills, porno or something really kinky thrown into the mix. Get out there and flirt you'll meet somebody and at least they can't hide behind computer monitors or cell phones.
Author Jersey Shortie Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 That sounds a lot better than some awkward dinner date to me... Well, it's more comfortable and easier that's for sure. Better.. I don't know.
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