Peter_pan Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 i asked this a long time ago when i first joined, obviously because i was hurt and wanted her back still etc. well time has moved on, year and months now in fact. hurt has gone 90% better on that side. and the thinking about her still remains and probably so does some love. I would like to be her friend but i know i cant if that makes sense :S? in fact i would like to rewind time and be with her with all my new knowledge and feelings however this is just never going to happen. like since she was the one to find "him" so fast why should i do all the chasing? i tried before and got nothing back. even tho she should be the one to contact me and try and befriend me? yet this never happened and it looks like it never will. unless she and him split up, even then there is still NO guarantee. I guess i just dont like to think i will never speak to her again or something like that. and its because i have let go. i let it all go. i could have had her mobile number at x mass, but i felt i needed to let her know how badly she hurt me. she claimed she lost my mobile number etc, but tbh that must have been a lie based on an event that happened with a meeting between her and one of my close friends. she heard i was doing well and was happy, so in gaining that information from others, she didnt have to feel guilt for hurting me. she probably felt like it was a ok and she can carry on living with her new bf. something feels missing, even though i have made new and better friends and re connected old friendships, joined a gym, joined a new sport, gained a new hobby and intrest. something dosnt feel "right" i want to move away and start a new life somewhere even if its temporary. i want to find myself better and become a more individual confident person. i feel moving out and to a new place, living on my own, will fulfil this. and i intend on doing it. anyway im going to dig up a post i made before this one, as it had some great points to it.
northstar1 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Pete - something doesn't feel right because you are still stuck in the past and lamenting the loss of the relationship. If you really feel you need a life change, do it. Lots of people who get 'stuck' in their lives go travel for a few months, or go work abroad for 6 months. Get yourself a new perspective, and some new adventures. You are right, you can't do any chasing....why? because she's gone and has been for a year. Why chase someone who doesn't want to be with you? It's a waste of your energy and time, when you could be using that to better yourself, and find someone new who will treat you right. Perhaps one day you will speak to her, who knows, but you gotta put her out of your head now.
Surfer Dude Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Pete, What could this woman give you that others can't? Why don't you out and talk to women? My advice to you is go sleep with 10 new women and see if you miss your ex after that. She's just a chick, one of billions out there, why are you letting her define your life? IMMEDIATELY go out and talk to new women. Get a new gf, 10 lays or whatever it takes to stop living in the past. Pussy is just a pussy, and bro you're just too needy and looking for validation from women too much. Your ex gave you that validation and you're missing that now. Change your core beliefs and go meet new women. I promise you'll forget about her. I was in a similar state as you are now, when I first got here, and look how much I grew and became a better person than I was. It's possible and well within your reach (or anyone's for that matter).
Author Peter_pan Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 Pete - something doesn't feel right because you are still stuck in the past and lamenting the loss of the relationship. If you really feel you need a life change, do it. Lots of people who get 'stuck' in their lives go travel for a few months, or go work abroad for 6 months. Get yourself a new perspective, and some new adventures. You are right, you can't do any chasing....why? because she's gone and has been for a year. Why chase someone who doesn't want to be with you? It's a waste of your energy and time, when you could be using that to better yourself, and find someone new who will treat you right. Perhaps one day you will speak to her, who knows, but you gotta put her out of your head now. yeah it seems normal to find ones self etc but then i just feel like im almost running away from facing the truth, even though i have already faced it ! i still believe she holds something for me. i think she rushed into it with him, thats why when ever she wasnt with him, she would be straight back in contact with my mate and trying to get info on me. Pete, What could this woman give you that others can't? Why don't you out and talk to women? My advice to you is go sleep with 10 new women and see if you miss your ex after that. She's just a chick, one of billions out there, why are you letting her define your life? IMMEDIATELY go out and talk to new women. Get a new gf, 10 lays or whatever it takes to stop living in the past. Pussy is just a pussy, and bro you're just too needy and looking for validation from women too much. Your ex gave you that validation and you're missing that now. Change your core beliefs and go meet new women. I promise you'll forget about her. I was in a similar state as you are now, when I first got here, and look how much I grew and became a better person than I was. It's possible and well within your reach (or anyone's for that matter). how does one change the core beliefs mate? by meeting new women? what if i cant? im not the sort of guy that can bang ten chicks, id feel worse lol plus they could be dirty. it wouldnt give any self worth tbh i would much rather meet a nice girl and have passionate sex with her ten times than shagging 10 randoms anyday of the week !
jessicasilver Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 my advice would be to let her contact you!!! if she really wants to know how you are keeping then im sure she had several ways to ask contact u, by you contacting her there is a chance she will just ignore it and that would just hurt you (back to square one again) let her be...
Author Peter_pan Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 my advice would be to let her contact you!!! if she really wants to know how you are keeping then im sure she had several ways to ask contact u, by you contacting her there is a chance she will just ignore it and that would just hurt you (back to square one again) let her be... yeah you are right. she never did though. so when i asked her about this she claimed she lost my number (BS) and she thought i still wanted her back so she didnt. so i told her well i dont want you back now do i! could have got her number but i wanted to get my anger out. told her how i felt about the way she left me. she went off crying. weeks later i sent a drunk email sayin, this still your email she didnt reply. he did.. deleted it with the advice of here. kinda wish i did read it, but its not going to help. its hardly of going to have said, oh here is her number feel free to txt her or something .. I feel like i turned my back on her. and i feel like her and her whole family turned their back on me, of course they will back her with what ever she does. I added her bro to my face book, but he didnt accept it. (she is friends with my sis on fb)
jessicasilver Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 wow!!! im in the exact same situation with my ex, we are no longer friends on facebook, he however still has my sister and cousins on his facebook. which i find really weird...i guess its for the best as i dont want to be looking on his profile everyday and just hurting myself mentally!!! im not even going to attempt to add his brother as it will just add to his ego.... thinking i want him back!!! i guess everything we do from now on until they actually see we have moved on will make them assume we want them back!!! i told myself i will never contact him until he contacts me and it kinda has worked because he calls me every now and then but it only leaves me with hope that he realised what a big mistake he has made and he wants me back...so i guess no contact really is the way to go!! showing them that you dont care and your living better without them will drive them up the wall!!!
roghornio Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 I feel like i turned my back on her. and i feel like her and her whole family turned their back on me, of course they will back her with what ever she does. I added her bro to my face book, but he didnt accept it. (she is friends with my sis on fb) Why are you worried about turning your back on her? She chose someone else over you. I’m sure that is hard to hear – but you need to stop going round in circles hoping she’s thinking off you (which is rather unhealthy because what your posts scream out to me is that you secretly think that one day she will see the light and come back to you). It’s not going to happen – I’m sorry to say it. There’s no magic switch that will turn off your feelings for this girl. But first and foremost you need to realize inside your head that she is never comeing back. It is in the past and you can’t change a god damn thing about the circumstances. How do you think she would think about YOU if she knew you were still thinking about all this? I can tell you that she would wish you were getting on with your own life and not torturing yourself – because that is what you are doing mate… she isn’t doing this too you but you are doing it to you self!!
jessicasilver Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 Why are you worried about turning your back on her? She chose someone else over you. I’m sure that is hard to hear – but you need to stop going round in circles hoping she’s thinking off you (which is rather unhealthy because what your posts scream out to me is that you secretly think that one day she will see the light and come back to you). It’s not going to happen – I’m sorry to say it. There’s no magic switch that will turn off your feelings for this girl. But first and foremost you need to realize inside your head that she is never comeing back. It is in the past and you can’t change a god damn thing about the circumstances. How do you think she would think about YOU if she knew you were still thinking about all this? I can tell you that she would wish you were getting on with your own life and not torturing yourself – because that is what you are doing mate… she isn’t doing this too you but you are doing it to you self!! give the guy a break i know how his feeling apart from the fact that i dont know who my ex is with or if he is with anyone! its hard to accept that the person you once loved the most no longer sees you in that way... when the break up is not mutual someone always ends up getting hurt because you saw more potential in the relationship... you have to suddenly hold yourself up and stop loving and caring for someone... which is not something we control!!!
roghornio Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 give the guy a break i know how his feeling apart from the fact that i dont know who my ex is with or if he is with anyone! its hard to accept that the person you once loved the most no longer sees you in that way... when the break up is not mutual someone always ends up getting hurt because you saw more potential in the relationship... you have to suddenly hold yourself up and stop loving and caring for someone... which is not something we control!!! I’m well aware of all that I’ve been on here as long as Pete and I’ve seen him relentlessly torment himself for over a year now! I’m trying to help him see that the key to door of getting over it all is in himself. I guess it may have come across as a bit harsh – but I really want to see him get through this all.
jessicasilver Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 I’m well aware of all that I’ve been on here as long as Pete and I’ve seen him relentlessly torment himself for over a year now! I’m trying to help him see that the key to door of getting over it all is in himself. I guess it may have come across as a bit harsh – but I really want to see him get through this all. wow its been 2months for me n its hurts!! hope i wont be feeling the same in a year!!! maybe if he tries to set goals for himself... like in a years time i want to be in this job, meet new people, with maybe a new crush... he wouldnt spend so much time thinking about her! im sure she couldnt care less so why should we?? arghh your going to met so many people in your life time, some your going to like some your going to love but very few you will actually love like this... thats why its hard to get over!! i cant see myself in another relationship with anyone until im over this idiot!!
Author Peter_pan Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 I’m well aware of all that I’ve been on here as long as Pete and I’ve seen him relentlessly torment himself for over a year now! I’m trying to help him see that the key to door of getting over it all is in himself. I guess it may have come across as a bit harsh – but I really want to see him get through this all. yeah man you know what ever you say i wont take the wrong way ! you know i appreciate the honesty and support you give yeah jessica its been over a year for me, its not painful just sometimes ! i am doing everything in my power to move on. had a job interview today !
Author Peter_pan Posted April 21, 2009 Author Posted April 21, 2009 argh. keep having dreams of her with me. sexually to. miss her a lot
jessicasilver Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 argh. keep having dreams of her with me. sexually to. miss her a lot i miss him too i guess i wont be fully over him until i can find someone who will make me feel how he made me feel!! not that im looking for someone.... just need some love
Author Peter_pan Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 i miss him too i guess i wont be fully over him until i can find someone who will make me feel how he made me feel!! not that im looking for someone.... just need some love yeah i know it goes away once someone can replace that
jessicasilver Posted April 22, 2009 Posted April 22, 2009 the only problem with that is i cant trust another guy! if she one day contacted you and said she wants you back would you take her back??
Author Peter_pan Posted April 22, 2009 Author Posted April 22, 2009 the only problem with that is i cant trust another guy! if she one day contacted you and said she wants you back would you take her back?? tbh i would love to but it couldnt happen. but the fact remains that if we argued, he would always be brought up and the whole her going off with him. so it could never happen. shes been with him for a year or more now. so she obviously likes him more than me (was with her 3.5 years first loves etc, lost it to each other etc). but people change. im sad she changed like that. i never thought she would let me down Id like to be her friend, but she would have to not be with him for that to happen. I do still think of her and how great it was what we had. and it hurts me to know that will always be gone. hurts to think she is cuddled up with him and kisses him good night etc
Soul Bear Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 there should be a LS dating column! (not a help column, a meeting column) Seriously, everyone here would have such an understanding of each other and how a relationship SHOULD be... I wonder if the mods would consider it?!
kizik Posted May 6, 2009 Posted May 6, 2009 Then you'd have a bunch of whiny co-dependents intermingling, which I don't think Tony thinks is a good idea. Plus, it's what got us into this mess into the first place - jumping into an R without understanding what that meant.
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