fishtaco Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 So I had a first date with this woman. We live pretty far apart so we made plans to meet at this club in between. About 30 min away from me, a bit closer for her. So I got there 10 minutes early, because being late for the first date is bad. When I got there, she called and asked me if she could bring a friend. The story goes that her friend's mom died 3, 4 months ago or something, and the friend's been depressed. Now if it were an emergency, like the friend is suicidally depressed, then by all means, please cancel the date and go take care of the friend. But just depressed? While I feel bad for the friend, but she should have said, sorry, have a date tonight, how about we have brunch tomorrow and we can hang out? So she put me in a position where if I said no, tell your friend to stay home, I want my date, then I'm the a**hole. So I have to either say yes, or cancel. I decided to say yes. I told her she could bring her friend, and we'll just hang out at the club, but I made it clear I don't consider that a date. My other alternative was to cancel. I could have gone to the club on my own; I was there already. I ended up having some drunk chick hovering around me asking me to dance all the time (and stepping on my foot because she was trashed), so if my non-date wasn't there I probably could have pushed that a bit to see what would happen. And I probably could have flirted with other women, maybe even get a number or two. So I was being nice. But thinking back, maybe I should have just canceled the date and told her to go take care of her friend. And on top of that she was more than an hour late. But I was in the club already and I met some Asian lady and I was dancing with her. So although I was able to make something out of that hour, it was just bad on top of bad. And, on top of that again, the depressed friend was on call and left after a couple of hours. Why drag a friend out who's on call anyway and ruin a date? I had a reasonably fun time, but that's because I can hang and have a good time; no thanks to the predicament she put me in. I'm interested in hearing what LS people thinks. Did I do the right thing by being nice and just hang, or should I have just canceled? I'm not calling her. If she decided to call me I'll tell her we should just be friends. There are other issues I discovered that night. Not necessarily bad things like how she handled this date, but just potential problems. Like the distance, her super busy schedule, she seems to have a fairly tough personality that's great for facing the world, but I don't find it attractive... etc.
You'reasian Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 She brought a friend because she's not sure about you and was late because she was too busy to be on time lol Hopefully the thing with the hot asian lady turned out well.
Author fishtaco Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 She brought a friend because she's not sure about you and was late because she was too busy to be on time lol Hopefully the thing with the hot asian lady turned out well. If she's not sure about me that's not the way to do it. It's still a fail. She was late because the depressed friend called her last minute, probably just wanted to talk or something. She dragged the friend out, so the friend had to get ready. You know what women go through to get ready. It takes time. LOL the Asian lady was nice, and she seemed interested until my non-date showed up. But I'm not all that interested in Asian women. She had nice legs, but an annoying laugh.
northstar1 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 I think that if she knew it was a date, then bringing a friend is a lame move, even if her friend is depressed. I'm sure she can take her friend out any other night.
Kamille Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Bringing a friend was definitely lame on her part. I think you should have cancelled the date, saying you understand her friends needs company and suggesting that your date call you back at a night when she is available.
Author fishtaco Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 I think that if she knew it was a date, then bringing a friend is a lame move, even if her friend is depressed. I'm sure she can take her friend out any other night. Exactly, It wasn't an emergency. And if it were, cancel the date, I would totally understand. Bringing a friend was definitely lame on her part. I think you should have cancelled the date, saying you understand her friends needs company and suggesting that your date call you back at a night when she is available. Thanks for your input. I agree. In hindsight I think that's what I should have done, and actually should cut it off there. Anyone that tries to bring another person to a date is just... not right. Either they have no clue, or they're playing you. Both are undesirable traits in dating. She's off my list anyway. I wasted a night due to bad decision making, not a big deal in the grand scheme of things.
lino Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I also think you should have cancelled the date and told her to hang out with her friend.
alphamale Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I'm interested in hearing what LS people thinks. Did I do the right thing by being nice and just hang, or should I have just canceled? I would have cancelled...see, if she brings anyone its not a proper date so whats the point
Island Girl Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I would have cancelled...see, if she brings anyone its not a proper date so whats the point Too true. And in the end she was an hour late () and she brought her depressed friend who was busy socializing on the phone and then left anyway ( x ) so she was just an inconsiderate flake anyway. Better luck with the next one.
moman Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 I'm not sure how a club meeting could be considered a date. Are you sure that it was a real date, or just friends going out? If you're going to dance, how would you talk?
samspade Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 It's an early sh ! t test and pretty lame for a woman to bring along a friend. You handled it well. In my opinion, there are two things you can do in this situation: 1. Be cool with it and engage her friend, be charming and flirtatious, etc., to show this does not bother you. 2. Politely cancel by saying, "I understand, you need to be with your friend right now and are just trying not to be rude. Let's reschedule at a better time." The first option may feel like you are tolerating b.s., but you since you had other girls hitting on you and dancing with you, I'd say you showed you don't NEED the one who is being flaky with you, which is golden. In any case, you didn't get mad or frustrated, which would have been the worst outcome. Up to you whether you want to take her out again.
engravefeelthevoid Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 interesting...well if i were in such a position...I wudnt know what to do honestly...mindless of the distance problem....i think what u did is right...if shes a girl who doesnt know how to handle a date then you don;t want her...on the other hand...you shud've been firm...shudve told her that she shud separate her dating life from her friends life....and cancelled the date...be firm ! show that ur not afraid of losing her and make her feel like she made a mistake and shes losing you !!! you shud've rescheduled though... along with the firmness...be nice aswell...balance...it shows that u got them both good luck !!
single ape Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 wow.. no wonder you're all on here.. its a first date, who cares. Did you think she would have boned you in the bathroom without the friend? The hour late is annoying, but people do have lives, and depressed friends. Handle that **** and stop being such a whiny pussy about it. If you were smart, you would have hung out, listened to the friends story a bit. Offered some kind advice, and the next thing you know, your compassionate ass is getting boned in the bathroom. But instead you were annoyed and lame and fail might be all on your side of the table. Why does everyone expect so much perfection out of people? You'll lose your mind if you keep it up.
You'reasian Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 LOL the Asian lady was nice, and she seemed interested until my non-date showed up. But I'm not all that interested in Asian women. She had nice legs, but an annoying laugh. Go for the Asian lady!!! I haven't dated that many asian ladies - fewer than other races, but you won't regret it. In general, they take care of their men. They'll do stuff that most gf won't and do it because they like you!
alphamale Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 In general' date=' they take care of their men. They'll do stuff that most gf won't and do it because they like you![/quote'] not the ones who grew up here. if they grew up in asian then maybe
You'reasian Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 I also think you should have cancelled the date and told her to hang out with her friend. Not a bad response - no BS action about how the OP values his time. In the woman's mind, she'll probably think he's a jerk.
BobSacamento Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 What an idiot. She should have called sooner and maybe you could bring one of your own friends. That way you might actually have a chance at 1 on 1 time.
Chrome Barracuda Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 The same thing happened to me too!!!! A long time ago. if a chick tried this stunt with me nowadays I'm bouncing and just gonna erase her number for being a complete idiot for wasting my time.
Author fishtaco Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 Thanks for all your inputs. Yeah, I should have canceled. I'm not sure how a club meeting could be considered a date. Are you sure that it was a real date, or just friends going out? If you're going to dance, how would you talk? Well, I met her dancing, so that's where we decided to go for a first date. And it was a date, not a friend thing. The only reason we decided to meet there was because we live fairly far, and coming from opposite directions. Otherwise I would have picked her up. And dancing is what she likes to do, and it's one of my hobbies. I've done amateur performances and competitions before, I'm a fairly decent dancer. I get fair amount of attention from women at dance clubs, except at places that cater specifically to dancers, then I'm just one of the many out there. So you can say it's my natural stomping ground. Although I do need to branch out. I'm becoming too... specialized. fishtaco, you ****ed up again LOL yeah I guess I did f**k up. But if I didn't I wouldn't be here posting LOL. So you guys only get my sh*t stories. You handled it well. In my opinion, there are two things you can do in this situation: That's a very good break down of my situation. Thanks. Offered some kind advice, and the next thing you know, your compassionate ass is getting boned in the bathroom. Being compassionate won't exactly get women to open their legs. You might want to speak to a few nice guys about their experiences and rethink your game. Go for the Asian lady!!! Hehe yeah, The Asian lady was disappointed when my non-date showed up and started hanging all over me. We even speak the same language (other than English of course). But it's really difficult for an Asian woman to catch my eye. I already have my next two targets picked out anyway. I'll be interacting with one of them this Thursday, we'll see how I do. What an idiot. She should have called sooner and maybe you could bring one of your own friends. That way you might actually have a chance at 1 on 1 time. Hehe, I found out later she did call one of our mutual friends (a guy) to go. Probably for that purpose. It wouldn't have made any difference. As soon as she asked if she could bring a friend, she already lost. It's simply not something you do on a first date. Anyway, my non-date is out of the game. It's never a bad thing to thin out my roster before I bring in anyone new anyway. I like women, a lot. But not enough to spend ALL my free time on them, I have other hobbies to attend to.
voldigicam Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 I sort of agree with single ape. She was bringing you an extra girl, and you're complaining! And you got to meet an Asian lady. I'd have come out with 3 phone numbers instead of 1. Talk to both, hit on both a little, read the responses, lend a soft shoulder, make a new friend. Life is like that. Weird things happen, just flow with them. Certainly next-day regrets are a waste of time. I got met at the airport by a friend once, expecting her, but not her friend. Turned out the friend was a welcome-home present . . . . Never know what's going to happen.
Author fishtaco Posted April 20, 2009 Author Posted April 20, 2009 Life is like that. Weird things happen, just flow with them. Certainly next-day regrets are a waste of time. What regret? It's not like this is my once-in-a-life-time opportunity. I get opportunities like this on a regular basis, and so would anyone that put themselves in social situations. The only interesting thing in this story was the fact that my date brought a friend, which is a lame thing to do, and I should have canceled, instead of politely tolerating the BS. I don't understand this obsession with boning depressed chicks in the bathroom.
Lostgurl Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 The depressed friend must have been VERY depressed, and or needy. Who would want to feel like a fifth wheel that way? I'm depressed, and i wouldn't even think of putting myself, or my friend and date in an uncomfortable position like that. Regardless, I think it was a bad idea. It might have made you come off as a little desperate. If i were you i wouldn't date her again. Now she will probably just feel like she can walk all over you.
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