inpieces Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 I don't know where else to turn. I hope someone can help me but I'm probably just going to have to live with this. Me and my boyfriend were together for a little over 2 years. We've had our share of fights, usually over me wanting to smother him too much, apparently. Then I finally gave him a few weeks of really good space and it made him very happy to be with me again. At that point I thought we hit a milestone if you wanna call it that of our relationship. That we finally understood each other. Well seeing it that way was obviously a mistake. The week we got back together, I called him once to just say hi and a couple of other times to see if he wanted to do something. At first I just figured he is busy playing golf, and he'll call me in two days or so. But he didn't. I tried again a couple of times over 2 or 3 days, then he just snapped and sent me a text that he's been too busy to call and I've really hacked him off so it's over. Just like that. I was so shocked that I just well ok..then I apologized, but he kept avoiding me. Then I got pretty angry and called him a couple of things. I just can't believe he wants to throw it all away over this one thing. He has never snapped like this before with me. He has never had a temper around me either. Overnight he went from being completely happy to annoyed and through wit me. I don't understand how he can be that cold. Since then I called him a few other times and let my emotions get the best of me. I left him messages that are mixed between going off on him and saying that I want to do whatever it takes to make it work. It has been 2 weeks now, but he's not responding. It takes everything in me not to go to his house and knock on his door and make him talk to me about this. I don't know why we have so easily gotten through so many other rocky times, with just a little time and patience, but this time it is just over like this. And I didn't do anything wrong. He knows I love him, I told him that for the first time very recently and he admitted that he isn't sure if he's there yet. But that was months ago, and I decided to just give him more time because it didn't bother me too much since I waited so long to say it myself. I don't know if this all happened because of my feelings or what. When we got back together it felt brand new and exciting again. But maybe this scared him? I don't know what to do. The more time goes by the more I want to either cry my eyes out to him, or be very mean to him one of the two. Last night I called him and left him a mean message and now I regret it. He must think I am bipolar for going back and forth from forgiving to mean all the time. I just realized recently that he is the love of my life and I'm so devastated this is happening. It feels like I'm being punished for feeling so happy the day we reunited. The only thing I have not done is beg him to talk to me. Because I'm hoping that he will decide to on his own. But he seems pretty serious about this and it kills me to think it's really going to end this way.Please help!
Excellent Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Write down his number, hide it somwhere and delete him from your phone, facebook/myspace, msn etc. Do a block on him too if possible. Sever the contact completely. Right now, he is being an a-hole, and there is no need to show an a-hole that you care about them. Go NC, and start the healing process. You know that it won't help nagging to him or flame him. It will only push him further away. If you have mutual friends, don't mention him at all to them. Come here and vent instead when you need to. If you want him back, you need to heal more, so you can think more with your head, and less with your heart. And then you'll be able to analyze and really think about if you truly want him back or not. From the way he has acted after you got back together again, i think it's more going behind the scenes than you know. Hopefully i'm wrong, but you really should consider the posibility that there might be someone else. Even if that sounds impossible to you right now. Let him miss you, to the point where it drives him insane. He IS thinking about you, trust me. A relationship that long doesn't just dissappear from his head in an instant. Just don't give him any sign of you missing him. Stay busy with other things, hang out with friends etc.
twicebitten Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 ... What Excellent said ... GO NC now & STAY NC!! XO - TB-
Author inpieces Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 I know that you are right. But it's hard for me to believe he is even thinking about me like you say. He seemed so angry and he has not called so all I keep thinking is that he hates me. When I think he hates me, it makes me want to be hateful right back. But I also can't understand why everything we have been through together must not mean very much to him and so suddenly. We do have some same friends. They tell me he does not appear to have anyone else but I know that doesn't mean anything. He is not known to talk much about me or the relationship openly to his friends either. He has one friend I think he tells a lot to but other than that he is the type to keep things to himself. I know I can start NC right now and find things to stay busy, but I am so scared that it really means the end. After enough time of NC I will be hit hard with that, maybe, and I won't handle it well. But I guess there is nothing left to do. Thank you.
Surfer Girl Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Most likely you responding to him... most likely made him respond in the best way he knew how... I have been there done that... and the more I responded the more he had to let me know how much he did not want to respond.... It is in your best interest to go NC.... Give him the space he so desires.... believe me, that is what he wants... Give him time to think... he can't miss you if you don't go away.....
fooled once Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 Sounds like he really isn't that into you <hug> Leave him alone. He probably thinks you are too needy. I am confused on how you have a relationship where you two go for days/weeks without speaking I have never dated anyone for that long where we didn't have daily contact. Sounds like he really just wanted out and you weren't getting the message. To bad he wasn't man enough to just say it instead of avoiding you. I truly think it is time for you to move on. I don't understand how other posters can say He IS thinking about you, trust me. They don't know him. I don't want people giving you false hope. How old are you? How old is he? I hope you can find other things to occupy your time. Stop trying to call him or reach him. If he wants to talk to you, he will call you. Good luck.
PinkRibbon Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 NC sounds the best way to go with this person. For him to snap after not talking a couple of days is way odd. Makes it alsmost seem if he wants you gone and requrests the decisiion to try. If he snaps at you and runds you off eventuallly you'll leave him and it will now have been your decision. Then there will be no guilty feeling he will have to carry. You need to get a clean eraser and wipe him off the board for a few weeks. As othes say LET HIM MISS YOU. Please please ignore the horriffic typing. My ambien is kicking in. Do what you gotta do to sleep after being dumped.
Author inpieces Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 pinkribbon what you say is funny because I have told him that he is the one being a jerk and not me. I told him he cannot turn this into my fault even though I know he wants to. But he maybe he hopes being a jerk is what drives me away just like you said. As if he does not mind looking like the bad guy. at the same time he makes me feel like the bad guy so that it does not appear to be all his doing. I feel so helpless right now. I keep trying to think of what can fix it but I have already done enough. I do not have the desire t odo something extravegant. Saying sorry and trying to make him understand what a jerk he's being is all I can do. I have tried that already so I am out of ideas. btw we are both 27. I know it all sounds childish for our age and that is part of the problem.
Recommended Posts