cupcakegirly1 Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Hi. My husband of 2 years has decided that he's too stressed to continue on with me. We've been under crazy stress because we're trying to make it as musicians without anyone knowing we're married. We live with my parents (who know we're married) because of major financial strain. He's always texting other girls to get them to go to our shows but I knew it was different the other day when getting in the car of another girl, Sadie, who we were gonna all hang out with. It was a sickening feeling of hatred and disgust and I hated this Sadie automatically and I didn't even know her!! She wasn't overwhelmingly attractive...I can't explain it; I simply hated her. It's not of my nature either to be like, "I hate you." I've never been jealous or vindictive but I hated her and still do. 3 days would pass all while he would be texting Sadie day and night into the wee morning hours. I confronted him on it trying to suggest there was more to this Sadie girl than he was willing to admit. "No. We're just friends. I just need a friend. Serioulsy leave me alone. She doesn't like me." Hindsight still makes me think I should have clued in to the "She doesn't like me" If ever I was asked if I like someone my gut reaction is always to say "No I do not like this person." He never said he didn't like her. I could be overreacting I thought. Days passed...every night resulting in me crying myself to sleep quietly. He'd hear it and "hummph!" stressfully try and go to sleep himself. And I feel all alone. And sick. 1 week passed and he finally revealed he's just > not ready to be married. > too stressed to be married. > knew he shouldn't marry me the night before our wedding. > needs a break > wants to be a single guy that all the girls want but can't have The f***ed up part is that b/c of my father's position and involvement in our career he doesn't want anyone to know! So every night we have to go to our room like nothing is wrong. He told me we're gonna keep this up or he is leaving. The other night he went to the movies with a bunch of people (incl. my bro) but Sadie was there too. I just can't help but think this little Sadie girl and him are on the verge of something. I've pleaded with my husband as if pleading for my life. I've cried more and thrown up more than ever in my life, I can't sleep. I'm on vicodin most of the day because I just can't cope with living anymore. Why won't he just realize I love him! How can a guy just OUT OF NOWHERE stop loving a giving, honest, loving wife! I swear on everything I have done NOTHING to bring him to this point. What should I do???? I need a miracle.
carhill Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Ask a doctor, other than one who would rx a pain medication for emotional/psychological issues, for a referral to a competent therapist and get some help and proper medications, if required. This whole situation sounds bizarre. You can't control another person. Let go. Yes, that's hard. Get legal help once you can think clearly.
Lucky_One Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 We've been under crazy stress because we're trying to make it as musicians without anyone knowing we're married. We live with my parents (who know we're married) because of major financial strain. 1 week passed and he finally revealed he's just > not ready to be married. > too stressed to be married. > knew he shouldn't marry me the night before our wedding. > needs a break > wants to be a single guy that all the girls want but can't have The f***ed up part is that b/c of my father's position and involvement in our career he doesn't want anyone to know! So every night we have to go to our room like nothing is wrong. He told me we're gonna keep this up or he is leaving. So let him leave. He doesn't want to be married. You can not make him stay with you. But you CAN control YOUR actions and decisions. You need to face the fact that this music career is over with him. There is NO way that you will ever make it with this guy professionally. So do NOT let him use you and use your father and use your parent's collectively. That is ALL he is doing right now - using your folks for a place to live, and using you and your dad to further your career. Why in the world would you even accept being a secret - and being disrespected in such a horrible way to you? Tell your dad, and toss the butthead out. Let him make his OWN career - without you, and without your dad. And make your marriage known, especially the divorce part.
Flying Burrito Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Honey, just tell your parents. Your pissy boy husband wants your dad's support in the biz? Rule #1 is treat daddy's girl right. You're living at Mom & Dad's. They love you. Let them in on what's going on. They will help manage the situation. This is what parents are for.
Author cupcakegirly1 Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 thank you for your support and encouragement. tonight my husband took me to my friends house (in my parents car that HE drove) then took hiimself and his Sadie girl to a concert 2 hours away. He picked me up at 1:30 and drove me home. Now I'm supposed to act like WE went to the concert when it was the farthest thing from the truth. I want to contact this b##ch and be like "Lay off B##ch!!" Should I?
Hating myself Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Hi Cupcakegirly1, First let me say that I am so sorry that you are hurting so much! I cannot even wrap my mind around what this man is doing to you. He really has a lot of nerve expecting you not to tell your parents everything that is going on. I have been where you are, in a sense. I had someone treat me badly, and at one point I didn't want to go on, but I did. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I strongly suggest that you tell your parents exactly what has been going on, and then run, don't walk to a therapist. Talking with someone who is objective really helps and I don't think that you want to continue taking the Vicodin daily. Last, kick this man to the curb ASAP!!! Take care of yourself and please don't do something that cannot be reversed. Love shouldn't hurt this much. ((((Hugs))))
danb Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 thank you for your support and encouragement. tonight my husband took me to my friends house (in my parents car that HE drove) then took hiimself and his Sadie girl to a concert 2 hours away. He picked me up at 1:30 and drove me home. Now I'm supposed to act like WE went to the concert when it was the farthest thing from the truth. I want to contact this b##ch and be like "Lay off B##ch!!" Should I? Unless she is your friend I personally don't think she owes you much. Who does is your husband. Taking that other girl to a concert, and making you lie to people about it, what is that!!! Married men don't go to concerts alone w/ single women. This is probably one of the many reasons why he thinks your marriage needs to be secret. He might as well have told you hes gonna go to this concert to try to get laid. IMO this guy is either cheating and complete scum, or a complete moron that has no thoughts about your happiness what so ever. On top of that he threatens you to keep this up or hes gone. Take care of yourself, you deserve better!
Author cupcakegirly1 Posted April 19, 2009 Author Posted April 19, 2009 I do appreciate everyone's advice. You're giving me more courage to stand up to him. I just had to know if there's a chance of reconciliation. I dont want to kick him away if there is. I contacted the girl and she's summarizing what he's telling her for me. I get these texts from her...at first I was so thankful but now I'm suspicious. Why can't she just forward me the texts from my husband? Why does she have to summarize? According to her though he's given all he can and I apparently have given very little so he can't handle it anymore. Also, I want the band more than him... (now keep in mind this is apparently what he's telling her) What can I do to show a guy I wanna be the one? I have not the slightest clue how to show someone who is so hateful towards me that I still love him? I have made a promise to myself that I will give this 1 week of trying to work it out then I will stand up and tell eveyrone.
dethfire Posted April 19, 2009 Posted April 19, 2009 the problem is not sadie, however morally wrong she is. it's ultimately your husbands responsibility. why are you still with this *******. what a ****head, sorry, you are so much better without him. he's seeing another girl and telling you he doesn't want to be married and you still want to be with him????
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