hillwouston Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Alright so theres this girl i met on New years and she just got out of a relationship then. We hooked up and right now, its been like 3 months and we hang out but we're not in a relationship. In a way it has felt like we are boyfriend and girlfriend but she says "thats just a label" and "a relationship is a chance for somebody to get hurt" and i mean i let that go for a while but now i brought it up again and she's like I want one eventually. She has guy friends, and i dont really act like i care about them but in a way im kind of jealous and do my best not to show it. Should I keep this going or what? This whole thing does not feel the same as it used to. I knew for a fact that she really had a thing for me back then but why is she dragging this out so long? i tell her i like her and **** and that she don't got to worry bout getting hurt but she says that all the other guys shes dated have cheated on her so i really don't know wtf's up. She says i can hookup with other girls i just have to tell her which sounds like bs because i dont know if shes hooking up with other guys. She said she would tell me but she really puts a wall up of communication between me and her. We hang out still but I have no idea what the **** to tell her i feel like i like her more than she likes me. Sometimes i bring it up but she doens't want to talk about it . What do i do to calm down about all this and just have fun i guess? ive never met a girl who says its ok to hook up with other people unless she was doing the same. i thought we had something more than that but now i don't know
dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Time to move on. She doesn't have a flipping clue what she wants. She CANNOT expect you to tell her who you're "going out with" if she's not your girlfriend. It's none of her flipping business. She wants you on the side in case she decides she wants you, but she doesn't know. She's keeping you on a rope for later use. Don't stay leashed.
thewingwoman Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Oh wow, you're not the guy I'm seeing are you?
Author hillwouston Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 We had a long conversation the other day and I told her to be straight up with me do you want a relationship or not and she said "I dont ****ing know!" and got pissed. i didnt say anything but the next day she appoligized and said yeah i guess im sorry for not knowing waht I want. and i was like "ok" and she was like no its not ok i can understand if you are mad. she said she wanted to make it up to me somehow but im not sure what all that means. Is she playin me like a fool she sounds like shes got some screws loose.
dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 We had a long conversation the other day and I told her to be straight up with me do you want a relationship or not and she said "I dont ****ing know!" and got pissed. i didnt say anything but the next day she appoligized and said yeah i guess im sorry for not knowing waht I want. and i was like "ok" and she was like no its not ok i can understand if you are mad. she said she wanted to make it up to me somehow but im not sure what all that means. Is she playin me like a fool she sounds like shes got some screws loose. Where's the padded wagon????
thewingwoman Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Okay, in all seriousness, I'm in her situation myself. You have to remember, she just got out of a relationship. It's actually smart on her part not to jump into things with you. Do you really want to be the rebound guy? Dreamr could be right and she's just keeping you around just in case. But she could really care about you, and doesn't want to jump into it head first and end up hurting you if she's not fully over the hurt of her last relationship. When people jump from one relationship to another, you often end up blaming the new boyfriend from things the old boyfriend did without meaning to. Regarding the labels comment she made, I have been a strong believer in that relationships are just labels, if you force them. If you enjoy hanging out with her, and the feeling is mutual, why would you want to force things to be something else? Labels do complicate relationships more than people want to admit, and in my experience cause unnecessary pressure when applied to early.
dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Okay, in all seriousness, I'm in her situation myself. You have to remember, she just got out of a relationship. It's actually smart on her part not to jump into things with you. Do you really want to be the rebound guy? Dreamr could be right and she's just keeping you around just in case. But she could really care about you, and doesn't want to jump into it head first and end up hurting you if she's not fully over the hurt of her last relationship. When people jump from one relationship to another, you often end up blaming the new boyfriend from things the old boyfriend did without meaning to. Regarding the labels comment she made, I have been a strong believer in that relationships are just labels, if you force them. If you enjoy hanging out with her, and the feeling is mutual, why would you want to force things to be something else? Labels do complicate relationships more than people want to admit, and in my experience cause unnecessary pressure when applied to early. But if you're going to be with someone, the label should be there, and it should be communicated. If she's not ready for a relationship, she shouldn't expect OP to tell her who he's seeing and what not. She can't have her cake and eat it too. She wants to be free to do whatever, then so should OP until she makes up her mind. I just think she's playing games.
thewingwoman Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 But if you're going to be with someone, the label should be there, and it should be communicated. If she's not ready for a relationship, she shouldn't expect OP to tell her who he's seeing and what not. She can't have her cake and eat it too. She wants to be free to do whatever, then so should OP until she makes up her mind. I just think she's playing games. If they're sleeping together, and she's requested him to tell her if he hooks up with someone else, I can understand that. If I'm sleeping with someone, I definitely want to know if they sleep with someone else... For protection purposes especially. By telling him he can sleep with other people if he wants, I think it's her way of saying "I know it sucks that I can't commit right now, so you don't have to commit either" and while commitment isn't always about sex, it's the first thing I think of when thinking of a man's commitment. She may not be having sex with someone else, but the thoughts about her ex may still be there, causing her lack of commitment. Agreed, the OP should definitely be free to do what he wishes until she's ready, but I wouldn't totally write her off. Nobody wants to be a rebound, and I think she's doing the right thing by not using him as one.
dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 If they're sleeping together, and she's requested him to tell her if he hooks up with someone else, I can understand that. If I'm sleeping with someone, I definitely want to know if they sleep with someone else... For protection purposes especially. By telling him he can sleep with other people if he wants, I think it's her way of saying "I know it sucks that I can't commit right now, so you don't have to commit either" and while commitment isn't always about sex, it's the first thing I think of when thinking of a man's commitment. She may not be having sex with someone else, but the thoughts about her ex may still be there, causing her lack of commitment. Agreed, the OP should definitely be free to do what he wishes until she's ready, but I wouldn't totally write her off. Nobody wants to be a rebound, and I think she's doing the right thing by not using him as one. I agree, with saying, that if they are not sleeping together, she has no right to know who he's seeing. Maybe I missed that part. OP are you sleeping with her?
bean1 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 She is communicating, OP does not want to hear what she has to say. She says she is not ready for a relationship and that he can 'hook up' with other girls. No woman would want a boyfriend would do or say that. OP sounds like a good kid who wants a girlfriend. This girl is not the right one. You won't have to pressure the right girl, she will be proud to call herself your girlfriend.
Author hillwouston Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 idk she seems like shes becoming more distant we used to talk on the phone almost every night but one day everything was awkard and is hasn't been the same since. I mean she has told me she hasn't hooked up with anyone else and that waht we have is basically a relationship except "nobody can get hurt" which i find is bs
samspade Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 She is communicating, OP does not want to hear what she has to say. She says she is not ready for a relationship and that he can 'hook up' with other girls. No woman would want a boyfriend would do or say that. I second this. Her actions ARE her message. I mean she has told me she hasn't hooked up with anyone else and that waht we have is basically a relationship except "nobody can get hurt" which i find is bs You don't see the double-speak going on here? "I haven't hooked up, but we're in an open relationship, so even if I HAVE hooked up with another guy, it shouldn't matter to you as it doesn't to me." Translation: She probably HAS hooked up with at least one other guy. Meanwhile, you are pushing for exclusivity. You are taking what was for her a fun fling and attempting to turn it serious. If she thought of you as LTR material, she wouldn't be acting the way she is. If she's being distant, double the distance. If I were you, I would look for someone different. And work on the jealousy/insecurity thing. Don't make having a girlfriend such a priority - enjoy yourself and an LTR with the right (read: interested) woman will come along.
carhill Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 OP, you sound young. Explore the attentions of other, more compatible young ladies
dreamergrl Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 But she's not speaking to OP clearly, because while she says go be with other women, she wants to know all about it. I'd be like wtf, you don't even deserve to know what I'm doing in my life. The only word that comes to mind in this situation is LEASH. Oh and maybe, contradicting, wishy-washy, self centered, okay well I'll stop with that. This girl knows what she's doing. She's keeping OP around in case. I think it's disgusting when a person feels the need to do this. If you're not ready to be with someone, then let it be, don't be like, oh but I have to know if you are with another girl. Come on, this girl doesn't deserve that. She can't even decide if she wants OP. People.
Author hillwouston Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 its like something happened which totally messed this whole thing up and i dont recall if it being something i did. She keeps making it clear that its ok for me to hookup with other girls. Ive never met a girl who has said that unless they have done so themself
Author hillwouston Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 I dont know things just do not feel right anymore like i feel like whenever im with her and her friends that they all hiding something. Im just wondering if i should trust my hunches
xpaperxcutx Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 You're the company she can approach when she's bored. Honestly, why are you still thinking about her? One, you made yourself too available which to her means " you're in my face". She's probably always the one to end the conversation and thinking of excuses to avoid you. Two, she already made it clear that she doesn't know know whether she wants a relationship or not. Under that confusing message are the words " I want a relationship, but it's not going to involve you". You need to stop pushing and second guessing her. She may be vague but she's just trying to be nice without hurting you.
mr.dream merchant Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Duke.....she just wants to be FWB. Not saying she's a ho, but read my signature. It applies to FWB who only want to be FWB. Don't force relationship on her, just be happy with what you have with her right now because you're already ruining it. Its simple: Do you want some pussy? Or do you not want some pussy? Keep pushing for an exclusive relationship, you'll get the latter. She isn't ready for a relationship, let it go. You wouldn't want to wife up a chick who isn't ready for relationship, its like hell on earth, but in your mind. Her friends probably are hiding something, they know she's been with other dudes, and they know you're all googly eyed for her when she isn't for you. They probably feel bad for you but out of their friendship, they won't say anything. Just enjoy the FWB situation you have. See other chicks man. ****, you could even grab a few of her friends if you were nice with ya words. =) I just wanted to add that you could possibly get her to develop feelings for you through getting her to orgasm. Good sex gets females attached to you. Just like vagina is a commodity among men, orgasms are a somewhat rare commodity among women. =) Lay it down right, get her to cum 2-4 times, she'll come back.
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