cocoacat609 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Hi, I just started coming here about a week ago, and first I wanted to say I'm glad that a place like this exists for all of us in LDR's. This is kind of long but I feel like I ought to give you guys a bit of my back story. I met my fiance in August 2008 while I was on vacation for a month. I live in the U.S. and he lives on a small island far away. I was in a disintigrating relationship when we met (me and my ex were living in the same space but not longer sleeping in the same bed) and I explained everything to him telling him I would need a year to find a place to live, finish comm. college, and be able to be in a relationship with him, he said he would wait. Neither of us could wait so I went back down in december and we got engaged. I moved in with my family and only went back to my ex's to get my things. The whole time it's been like a fairytale with my guy. It had been so good that I thought it was too good to be true. Well...I went back down in march to suprise hime for his birthday. It was good but I got upset with him over something stupid which made me realize that this is not too good to be true it is in fact very real (which is a good thing). The bad thing is that now, and for the last week or so, I haven't really wanted to talk to him. I don't know why this is happening; I love him and think about him all the time so I don't understand why suddenly I don't want to talk to him. Nothing has changed on his side, he still tells me he misses me and loves me, but last night I wasn't going to call him at all (which would cause him to worry since he can't really call me because it is so expensive for him to do) and when I did call him I got off the phone early. Maybe this sounds crazy but I used to be anxious to call him and now I delay and delay. I don't know what to do, has this ever happened to anybody else before?
Island Girl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 A lot in our situations are so similar...the circumstances and locations It really makes me wonder......... seriously...... In any event - this has happened to me. The previous poster mentioned commitment issues and the "when you love someone you want to talk to them all the time" stuff. It isn't always about things like that. I realized after this had happened a couple of times that the stress of the LDR was weighing on me. Times when life here got too stressful I went through these lulls. It isn't that I didn't want to speak with him. Certainly when I thought about him I missed him just as much and loved him just as much. But conversations and worry about him could add to the stress I was feeling. Of course we'd have FANTASTIC conversations. Then I'd feel ridiculous at procrastinating because I'd feel better after speaking with him. But sometimes when I called, there would be bad news on his side, or he would be having a down day and that would pull at me, or we would get in some bickering session over something (or nothing) and then the conversation would leave me worse off than before I got on the phone. And at that point my capacity for stress or depression was already at "full" without anything extra from his side. So I have found it is more like a safety mechanism. It doesn't have anything to do with feelings for him. It has more to do with what everything else is feeling like in your world. Maybe this is ringing true for you - ?
Author cocoacat609 Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 I think you're right Island Girl,it isn't really about him. I have been so stressed trying to figure out if he should move here or if we should both move someplace else. Thanks I think I needed someone else to look in so I could step back and see myself too. Thanks evampr18 for responding too.
Island Girl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I think you're right Island Girl,it isn't really about him. I have been so stressed trying to figure out if he should move here or if we should both move someplace else. Thanks I think I needed someone else to look in so I could step back and see myself too. Thanks evampr18 for responding too. You are welcome. So moving where he is isn't a possibility? Is he able to visit you here and you can see how it goes with both of you living in the US? What does he think about where the two of you should live? Since you are engaged, have you been discussing a fiance visa, etc.?
Author cocoacat609 Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 I would love to move where he is, but if I did I probably wouldn't be able to get a job due to the island's small size. He would, as he's told me a million times, support and welcome me on his doorstep but I'm not sure I would like that because then I would have to depend on him for preety much everthing and I want to be his partner. As far as him visiting me, we are actually planning to meet in Panama (he was born there) this summer so he can get his passport and file for a visitors visa. I'm meeting him there so I can check out Florida state's campus there and possibly look at some houses. We both agree that he should come here even if I fall in love with Panama just because we know we need to explore our options. If he likes it here and we agree that he wants to live here for at least the next three years ( I think it takes that long to be eligible to be a U.S citizen if you come in on the K1 visa) then that is what we will do. Sometimes though I am really tempted to show up on his doorstep and say hey remember what you said all those times....
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