lost09 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 -we're 25, dating 5 years, living togeather for 2. -she's pressuring me to get married, has made it very clear how devastated she'll be if something happened to us. -we dont have much in common anymore. a lot has changed in 5 years. -she has a lot of habbits that really piss me off, they piss me off so much because of all the times ive told her about them, asking her to change, and she doesn't. ALWAYS late even when i tell her, "this time is important to be on time", bad laundry habbits, bad temper, extremely insecure and needy. -she's gained a bit of weight and has become lazy, she sits in front of the tv from the time she gets back from work, to the time she falls asleep on the couch and i have to tell her to come to bed. -she's way too high maintenance. we can never casually go out on the spur of the moment, she always has to get ready for 2-3 hours. I think im at the point in my life where i need a lot of time to myself. life as completely confused me and i dont know what to do. One path, I get married and have kids, and anytime of social life or fun times are over. I'd much rather be single and get out on the social scene again. what are people's opinions? I'd feel horrible about leaving her. she's convinced me that i owe it to her to get married (she moved to this city for me - i didnt ask her to btw). If i do decide to break up, how in the world can i do this? We live togeather and the lease doesnt end for 5 months. neither of us can afford rent by ourselves in this expensive city. ontop of all this, all my friends say what a good couple we are (i think because we dont fight in public?). im not sure if im unhappy with the relationship, or just need a change of scenery. so confused on what to do. while im ranting, i have a great job but ive lost interest in it. i might be depressed...
single ape Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 uh, break up? You're over it dude. Don't listen to what friends say about great couple..no one knows until theyve slept a night in your bed.. or something like that. I know it feels like it was all "supposed to happen!" but it always feels like that.. that's why its called love.. but love fades, and pretty soon you have a fat girlfriend that's addicted to TV and bon bons.. Go find someone who makes you happy, and end this one before it ends ugly.
little android man Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 i think you owe it to her to really figure out your feelings before you jump to any conclusions and break it off. especially if you think you are becoming depressed, that could really mess up your head and effect your feelings towards her and other things. if you are convinced you aren't happy and there is no way you will be, then break it off. but if you are even the slightest bit unsure man 5 years of relationship shouldn't be wasted because you didn't think everything through.
rlindzie Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 i think you owe it to her to really figure out your feelings before you jump to any conclusions and break it off. especially if you think you are becoming depressed, that could really mess up your head and effect your feelings towards her and other things. if you are convinced you aren't happy and there is no way you will be, then break it off. but if you are even the slightest bit unsure man 5 years of relationship shouldn't be wasted because you didn't think everything through. I totaly agree with this. Especially if you think you are depressed and maybe she is too with all the lack of activity, insecurity and the other things you mentioned. I was depressed once and you get a compleatly diffrent view of things and you do diffrent things as well. So maybe you both are in the same boat. Talk it out,maybe get some pro. help
Kaii Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Do you have access to counselling through your work? Here in Canada, the bigger employers offer an EAP which pays for the cost to see a therapist, if needed. I think you need it. You owe it to yourself to find out what's going on. You say you think you are depressed, I think you might be right. When you're depressed EVERYTHING in your life seems like complete crap, including your relationships. It doesn't sound like your gf is particularly happy either. Happy people do not sit on the couch night after night, watching their ass grow. But one thing is for sure, DO NOT get married until you get your head on straight. Things will not magically get better after you get married, if they are in such a mess right now. I am not saying that she is not the "One", maybe she is. You have spent 5 years with her, so who knows. I do know that people change a lot between 20 and 30. So do the things that are important to you. Maybe the relationship has run it's course. Only you know for sure. Good luck to you, let us know how you make out
Jersey Shortie Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I also agree with little andriod man. Great advice. what are people's opinions? I'd feel horrible about leaving her. she's convinced me that i owe it to her to get married (she moved to this city for me - i didnt ask her to btw). This isn't the most important point but it bothered me. Errr, so like what? You didn't want her to move and live with you then? It was all her to choose to move to your city? At the time she moved, you didn't want her to? Seriously dude.
Lucky555 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 She is 25 and I think its time for her to think about getting married. I think by reading your post 5 years and living together for 2...thats a good time frame. However, I also think you just don't want to get married right now. I think if you lost her you would be unhappy for awhile but knew you made the right choice because you didn't want to get married. I think the stuff you listed were things everyone might be annoyed at in a relationship,but i don't see how they are reasons to break up. They are very petty. I think you need to calm down and think about what you really want in life. IF you never want to get married you need to state this and get out of the relationship. If you want to get married in a couple years tell her this. Don't freak out. But if your absolutely repulsed by her then you should have ended things a long time ago, and do it now then keep things going.
single ape Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 you could listen to all the safe talk, but this is text book "over it" Given the age, the description, everything. True, don't just dump her tomorrow.. but do know that it's not once in a lifetime. You need a girlfriend that is more compatible with you, or get used to this kind of living. You've pretty much already made up your mind and you're staying with her for the wrong reasons. Staying together because you feel bad is worse than breaking up with her. At least if you break up you are being honest.
Recommended Posts