mr.dream merchant Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Are you bothered when you see a person you just broke up with, with somebody else? I mean, they're an ex for a reason, probably a reason that prevented you from wanting them anymore, so would you still be upset over seeing them with someone else? How about if your current BF/GF said that if you two broke up they wouldn't care who you dated after them, or care about you as far as what you did with your life after them? My GF was on the phone with me talking about Hulk Hogan being butt-hurt over his ex-wife dating some hot young stud who's like 19 or some ****. I was telling her that he shouldn't even give a damn if its his ex-wife. If its your ex why would you care about what they're doing? I then proceeded to say that if her and I broke up, I wouldn't care about who she dated. Looking back on it it was probably input not needed. She got upset and said "Of course you wouldn't care" to be sarcastic. I don't think I'm in the wrong at all for how I feel. For saying that to her, yeah I'm wrong for that. But not caring about what my ex is doing with her life isn't wrong, is it?
BCCA Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Lesson learned: people dont generally take too kindly to hypotheticals that involve you breaking up. lol Anyway, I think guys are different. We really dont give a crap. But my ex had all the cards and letters from her ex's, and always tried to pretend they were friends, even though she would not return their calls or make much effort to keep in touch. We guys generally walk off, middle fingers on each hand, and dont care to know what our ex's have done after our relationship ended.
xpaperxcutx Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 In terms of the ex, I don't really care. He doesn't matter all that much to me for me to take notice of his relationships.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 Yeah I don't get it. Does she want me to be a wreck or something if she leaves me? Rofl please.
Lizzie60 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 LOL.. I remember when I was much younger late teens to mid 20s.. I was extremely jealous, insecure, low sel-esteem because of my weight (I weight 87 lbs at 23)... I hated to see my 'ex bfs' with new girls.. I was even possessive of my exes.. how weird.. Methink this is something an immature, insecure person would do.. cling and be jealous of their exes.. Life experiences make a huge difference in our approach to different situations.
missdependant Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Don't give a crap about any of my exes, and personally I'm happy they're all exes. One is married with a baby. One I haven't heard from or seen in over a year now (thank god). I probably won't ever see him, because we live in different states.. and if we do happen to see each other, i still could give a rat's ass about him.. I'd probably acknowledge that I saw him, say hi and then go on my merry way. Right now I'm too focused on my current boyfriend to give a damn about any of my exes. Your girlfriend should get over it. I mean I might be a little bit sad at first... maybe within the first weeks to a couple of months or so of breaking up (if it was a serious relationship)... but after that, I'd probably go have my own fun.
dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I think that anyone would be affected if it's only been a short time. I also think everyone only really shows how they really feel to an extent. Not everyone is quick to admit what bothers them, while others have no care if people see how they really feel. I think a lot of men, not all, but a lot show their emotions less then women do. Either way, it's natural to have a reaction to someone you cared about, or loved. They are an ex for a reason, but if it was a long term relationship, marriage, serious commitment, or what not, the first time seeing that person out with another will be hard, because they also were in your life for a reason.
normal Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I think that anyone would be affected if it's only been a short time. I also think everyone only really shows how they really feel to an extent. Not everyone is quick to admit what bothers them, while others have no care if people see how they really feel. I think a lot of men, not all, but a lot show their emotions less then women do. Either way, it's natural to have a reaction to someone you cared about, or loved. They are an ex for a reason, but if it was a long term relationship, marriage, serious commitment, or what not, the first time seeing that person out with another will be hard, because they also were in your life for a reason. unless i had been in any of those situations in bold i wouldn't give a damn. but after i had fully recovered and healed i would not care. i know what a lot of my exes are up to due to mutual friends, myspace, i've even seen some in public random places. but i don't get sad. i'm in a relationship with someone else now that i love more than i ever loved any of them. usually i walk away proud to know i've moved onto something bigger and better....not to sound snotty or anything. but that's usually how i feel.
Lucky_One Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 If my BF broke up with me and I still loved him, then yes, I would be very upset to see him with someone else - for a period of time (can't say how long, as I think it depends on what else could be happening in my life, how serious we were, how much we had talked about future plans, etc.) If I broke up with my BF, then it wouldn't bother me to see him with someone else. I didn't want him when I had him, obviously, so why would his happiness or his moving on bother me? I can add, though, that it would bother me greatly to hear my BF talk about us hypothetically breaking up and saying that he wouldn't care if I was with someone else. And yes, Mr Dream, I suspect she would like to hear that you would be upset if she left you. You WOULD be upset, wouldn't you? If you wouldn't, then why are you dating her?
dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 If my BF broke up with me and I still loved him, then yes, I would be very upset to see him with someone else - for a period of time (can't say how long, as I think it depends on what else could be happening in my life, how serious we were, how much we had talked about future plans, etc.) If I broke up with my BF, then it wouldn't bother me to see him with someone else. I didn't want him when I had him, obviously, so why would his happiness or his moving on bother me? I can add, though, that it would bother me greatly to hear my BF talk about us hypothetically breaking up and saying that he wouldn't care if I was with someone else. And yes, Mr Dream, I suspect she would like to hear that you would be upset if she left you. You WOULD be upset, wouldn't you? If you wouldn't, then why are you dating her? Agreed! Except... Sometimes we have to break up with someone because it's best for us, but that doesn't mean it's not hard. Sometimes your mind can play the "what if" trick on you. "What if I should have given it a shot.." It truly depends on the situation.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 If my BF broke up with me and I still loved him, then yes, I would be very upset to see him with someone else - for a period of time (can't say how long, as I think it depends on what else could be happening in my life, how serious we were, how much we had talked about future plans, etc.) If I broke up with my BF, then it wouldn't bother me to see him with someone else. I didn't want him when I had him, obviously, so why would his happiness or his moving on bother me? I can add, though, that it would bother me greatly to hear my BF talk about us hypothetically breaking up and saying that he wouldn't care if I was with someone else. And yes, Mr Dream, I suspect she would like to hear that you would be upset if she left you. You WOULD be upset, wouldn't you? If you wouldn't, then why are you dating her? I'm with her because I enjoy her company and I care for her. If she left me or I her, I would not care about what she's doing with her life. That's just me. I will not and shall not care for someone who doesn't care for me. If she left me then the mentality I have is "**** her its her loss" and I'll simply move on with my life. I'm not going to sit around crying myself to sleep. Why should I? Its not worth it over someone who left you. Nor is it worth it over someone you left. Are you implying I shouldn't be with someone if I'm not going to give a **** about what that said someone is doing after our relationship has ended? What a load of ****.
Lucky_One Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I'm with her because I enjoy her company and I care for her. If she left me or I her, I would not care about what she's doing with her life. That's just me. I will not and shall not care for someone who doesn't care for me. If she left me then the mentality I have is "**** her its her loss" and I'll simply move on with my life. I'm not going to sit around crying myself to sleep. Why should I? Its not worth it over someone who left you. Nor is it worth it over someone you left. Are you implying I shouldn't be with someone if I'm not going to give a **** about what that said someone is doing after our relationship has ended? What a load of ****. Actually, yes, I guess I am implying that. Loving a person generally means that you have a deep enough emotional commitment to them that the loss of that person gives pain. I don't think I have ever met a person who can cut their emotions and their responses off and on like an electrical switch. Love doesn't end simply because you are rejected by someone. Pain of loss doesn't go away with a boastful prideful desire to prove that you are manly and tough and don't need to be close to anyone emotionally. When most emotionally healthy people are faced with rejection or loss, they feel pain, and they go through a normal and healthy grieving process. So - to me - if you don't care if your GF leaves you and if it wouldn't cause you any pain or suffering, then you either 1) don't really love her 2) don't really know how to love anyone or 3) are full of **** yourself.
dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I'm with her because I enjoy her company and I care for her. If she left me or I her, I would not care about what she's doing with her life. That's just me. I will not and shall not care for someone who doesn't care for me. If she left me then the mentality I have is "**** her its her loss" and I'll simply move on with my life. I'm not going to sit around crying myself to sleep. Why should I? Its not worth it over someone who left you. Nor is it worth it over someone you left. Are you implying I shouldn't be with someone if I'm not going to give a **** about what that said someone is doing after our relationship has ended? What a load of ****. I think what Lucky was trying to say, is simply that if you're with someone, you most likely with them for a reason. If she suddenly dumped you and you saw her with another man, you wouldn't feel bothered at all? I think you'd answer no, because that's the tougher exterior answer that you want to give, but being real, I think it would be hard for anyone if there were feelings created between the two.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 17, 2009 Author Posted April 17, 2009 I think what Lucky was trying to say, is simply that if you're with someone, you most likely with them for a reason. If she suddenly dumped you and you saw her with another man, you wouldn't feel bothered at all? I think you'd answer no, because that's the tougher exterior answer that you want to give, but being real, I think it would be hard for anyone if there were feelings created between the two. I really wouldn't. I'm not trying to sound tough lmao, the hell do I need to do that for on an anonymous internet forum? The way I see it is like this: If she dumped me, that's her way of saying "**** you". Why have heartache for a person like that? **** me? No **** you. That's the way I look at it.
dreamergrl Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I really wouldn't. I'm not trying to sound tough lmao, the hell do I need to do that for on an anonymous internet forum? The way I see it is like this: If she dumped me, that's her way of saying "**** you". Why have heartache for a person like that? **** me? No **** you. That's the way I look at it. That's fine then, but realize not everyone could have this perception. Hell knows I couldn't, not if it was someone I loved and cherished. To me saying **** you after creating a long meaningful relationship would just to hard to get over. But that's me, and maybe others, not you, and that's not saying it makes you bad, I'm just saying not everyone can have the idgaf (I don't give a f***) attitude. Or there are some that can pretend to have, but really don't. I'm babbling bad today lol
EYECANDY000 Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Speaking from experiencing it. I think a person cares who their ex dates only if they still have some kind of feelings for them. If is is over completely and both agree that nothing is there emotionally then they wouldnt care who the other is dating. they would probaly help them , if any.. after my ex and I broke up and I found out he was dating someone soon after hiom and I , I was fuming mad. but after a a while when my feeling dyed down and I realized that him and I would never get back together, i honestly didnt give a damn who he dated
Tony T Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 I'm with her because I enjoy her company and I care for her. If she left me or I her, I would not care about what she's doing with her life. That's just me. I will not and shall not care for someone who doesn't care for me. If she left me then the mentality I have is "**** her its her loss" and I'll simply move on with my life. I'm not going to sit around crying myself to sleep. Why should I? Its not worth it over someone who left you. Nor is it worth it over someone you left. Are you implying I shouldn't be with someone if I'm not going to give a **** about what that said someone is doing after our relationship has ended? What a load of ****. Hello Mr. Spock!
samspade Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 It's easier said than done, especially in the early stages, which is why we are always trumpeting "no contact" around here. It would be nice if my feelings came with a shut-off switch, but I need a little bit of time to avoid an ex at first. But exes from months, or years ago? Time changes all that. I honestly don't care who they date. In English we say "jealousy." The Brazilians have a better word in Portuguese for this kind of thing: Saudade. It means a longing for what was, not borne of bitterness, but of contentedness...while also accepting that one cannot stand in the same river twice. Perhaps something closer to nostalgia, but a little sadder. But it's not jealousy. Of course, the best way to get over it is to date someone new.
Author mr.dream merchant Posted April 18, 2009 Author Posted April 18, 2009 Hello Mr. Spock! Lol I didn't mean to be so aggressive.
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