hoping2heal Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Honey and I are on a "break". We both decided it was best that I deal with my issues and then we try to make it work later on down the road, because we're constantly fighting. He feels that his basic needs and wants in the relationship are being little to never met. I'm 24 years old, and just started dealing with my "issues" so to speak. Them being, repeated sexual abuse starting as a young child. I have self esteem and self image issues over this, and trust issues. The most destructive action taken by me is lying- but finally all the lies have been reconciled (I.E I have come out with everything I've lied about) and I'm no longer lying anymore. I guess the biggest problem we face right now is we can't seem to make the other see "our" side of things. I.E he thinks I don't understand or take responsibility for my lying, simply because I express I want him to understand that what he says to me when he's yelling and angry hurts me. I have sat through hours of his anger, and I believe I deserve it because of my lying, but that doesn't mean it hasn't hurt either. I guess maybe he's right, I guess I shouldn't expect that he feels any remorse for his actions when I'm the cause of them. I don't know, I feel depressed on a daily basis because I love him so much but he doesn't see it at all. He thinks I don't listen, don't care, am self absorbed. I don't know why he's even with me, tbh. I seem to only make him angry all of the time, or be not understanding something right, or not doing things right or enough etc etc. I mean I want him to be happy but I'm not sure what to do right now. Maybe he's better off with another girl and he'll probably forget me, all I've done is give him hell I guess. I don't know I feel depressed
Cinnamon777 Posted April 20, 2009 Posted April 20, 2009 I think that you need to work on taking care of yourself right now. Are you in counseling for "dealing with your issues" regarding your painful past? Until you can feel good about yourself, IE love yourself, you will not be able to fully love your boyfriend. It sounds like he might have some anger issues to work on as well. You are young and it's very important that you heal from the past so that you can move forward. Even though you have come clean about the lying, there are unconscious reasons that you lied to some you love. Fear is the most likely cause. A relationship full of anger, fear, and hurt is not healthy at all. This relationship is not building you up - it's no wonder you feel depressed. I would recommend that if you live together, maybe it's time for you get your own place, even if you need to find a roommate. You need to take care of yourself. You need to feel safe so you can heal. Reach out to family (if they are supportive) and to friends. There are many support groups for sexual abuse victims and you may find comfort and healing there. Check with a local hospital for information, your doctor, a church... there are lots of options. Reach out... love is all around for you to discover.
Jade 02 Posted April 21, 2009 Posted April 21, 2009 I think that you need to work on taking care of yourself right now. Are you in counseling for "dealing with your issues" regarding your painful past? Until you can feel good about yourself, IE love yourself, you will not be able to fully love your boyfriend. It sounds like he might have some anger issues to work on as well. You are young and it's very important that you heal from the past so that you can move forward. Even though you have come clean about the lying, there are unconscious reasons that you lied to some you love. Fear is the most likely cause. A relationship full of anger, fear, and hurt is not healthy at all. This relationship is not building you up - it's no wonder you feel depressed. I would recommend that if you live together, maybe it's time for you get your own place, even if you need to find a roommate. You need to take care of yourself. You need to feel safe so you can heal. Reach out to family (if they are supportive) and to friends. There are many support groups for sexual abuse victims and you may find comfort and healing there. Check with a local hospital for information, your doctor, a church... there are lots of options. Reach out... love is all around for you to discover. Hi Hopingtoheal,I can relate to some of your past issues,and I too,have depression,and I agree with Cinnamon,counceling!,I know sometimes people can't afford it like me,But even comuunicated with someone you trust,and has been through the same as you maybe can offer good help. I can;t I'm going through crap myself right now,and some of it is self induced. But if you keep staying depressed hun,it will probably get worse as you get older. IMO,try not to take prescription pills to get rid of bad stuff,I made that mistake,only to get another problem called addiction. You have mom,or Sister,or someone? Even your BF,communication,helps alot,and yes honesty,or else problems will get worse with lies. Also you should BE PROUD OF YOURSELF!! Not lieing is a huge deal,and you will get respected for that alone. Good luck hun,i wish I had more to offer but jades gotta work on herself also,before I can guide anyone. I can lend an ear,and shoulder tho. Cheer up k. OH NO Sorry Cinnamon,I meant to QUOTE on Hopeingtoheals post sorry!!!
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