itsbrittany Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Ok, so me and this guy have been hanging out for almost 3 months now. We would act like boyfriend and girlfriend but whenever anyone would ask him if we were dating he would just say we were "having fun". It didn't bother me too much because neither of us wanted to rush into anything. Well like 2 weeks ago he said he wanted to talk to me about something and he said he wanted to be exclusive with me. So I figured that meant we were boyfriend and girlfriend. He changed his myspace and facebook statuses to in a relationship and he introduces me as his girlfriend and stuff..well today at work we were talking about hanging out tomorrow and I said I wasnt sure if I could because I had to open really early saturday and he was like thats fine..so I jokingly said I know you dont care either way..Then out of nowhere he's like "I'm exclusive to you, but not committed to you" and I'm like ok? So I said then why do you call me your girlfriend? He said that's why he doesnt want committment yet because he doesnt want the whole "you didnt call me or you dont make time for me" thing....But I dont get it. Why call me your girlfriend and say youre in a relationship with me but at the end of the day youre not committed to me..wtf..how does that make any sense...Like I trust him...I honestly do..but it made me feel like ****..Like am I wasting my time or am I just reading into it too much..It just really confused me...Should I tell him if he doesnt want to be committed to me then we shouldnt be boyfriend and girlfriend..I just really dont get it..Anyone have any advice? Sorry so long lol
BCCA Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Have you asked him what the difference was? You should get an idea of what exactly differentiates the two. If it just means he doesnt have to call or hang out with you at any specific time, then that's just lame, and you need to tell him to shove it. If by some chance he means that he wants to have his own time, then accept what he says, but explain to him what you expect out of him in order to continue this. Without clear definitions of what the exact status and mutual expectations of your relationship are, all you can do is create what's called 'covert contracts', where mutual expectations are not clearly discussed openly, and one or both parties end up sorely dissapointed by the condition of the relationship. You can't expect what you don't ask for. Just let him know, clearly and calmly, what exactly you're looking for out of him for this to work. He either meets it, which is great, or he doesn't, and you have to walk. Never be affraid to ask for what you want.
MN randomguy Posted April 17, 2009 Posted April 17, 2009 Real simple, he wants a Girlfriend without the responsibilities of a Girlfriend. He told you this instead of asking because people are more likely to go along with something when you tell them instead of asking. If you don't like this set-up it is your responsibility to bring this up and lay out what you want and what are your deal breakers.
GAchasen Posted April 18, 2009 Posted April 18, 2009 Yeah....he is not serious about you. He is doing what he thinks you want so he doesn't have to explain himself later. He says you are his girlfriend, then in my opinion that means he should be only committed to you. I mean really...you need to have a talk with him. He shouldn't be telling people you are his girlfriend. Honestly, I think he is a waste of time. Guys are usually pretty straight forward with what they want and I think this guy wants sex...so he calls you his girlfriend because thats what you want to hear and he is happy because he thinks you will be satisfied with that title. But you want more...? Just my opinion:) Good Luck with whatever you decide (and you do have a choice)
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